People facing emotional deprivation often feel bored in healthy relationships. People often fall in love with those who reinforce their own character flaws, so they always miss securely attached lovers. Many people think it's because there are too few secure types — fundamentally And the causes of emotional deprivation are mainly divided into three kinds: one is nurturing deprivation, e.g., as a child your parents thought that compared to caring for you, eating enough and dressing warmly was enough; the second is empathic deprivation, e.g., your parents always didn't understand what you were saying and didn't quite understand your feelings; the third is protective deprivation, e.g., always being wrongly blamed or hurt by your parents. These three kinds of emotional deprivation give you a constant feeling: no one can understand and listen to you, a heaviness of being forever alone, And people of this type, when looking for a partner, habitually look for someone who from the start doesn't listen to them and always speaks on their own. The more their own needs go unsatisfied, the more silent they become, thus entering a fated cycle. What's harder to say is that because emotional deprivation is the absence of certain things — meaning many people themselves don't know what the missing need is — it's hard to identify. Whenever I see friends like this, I always want to say: actually, in a seemingly plain relationship, don't think about pulling away so quickly; you can wait a bit longer — maybe you just need to adapt to this "strange feeling" of your emotional needs being satisfied
About
Based in: Incheon, South Korea. Height 170cm, weight 60kg, Capricorn
Dynamics
"People suffer not because of beautiful things, but because their minds are no longer free." — Adler. Adler, an outstanding psychologist, whose theory of individual psychology proposed a key concept: "separation of tasks." This theory advocates that individuals should develop a self-identity independent of family and social expectations. Adler believed everyone needs to develop personal boundaries to form an independent self. However, when these boundaries are violated, a person's psychological freedom is severely restricted. In an enmeshed family environment, parents' needs and expectations often become the center of family life. Children are forced to give up their personal feelings and adapt to the family's needs. In this situation, children's boundaries are blurred, their personalities and needs ignored, leading to obstacles in "separation of tasks" in their psychological development. When personal boundaries are continuously violated, a person may lose interest in the surrounding world. This sense of powerlessness and negative attitude is often a reaction to long-term denial and control. Children who grow up in enmeshed families are especially prone to this. In such a family environment, a child's self-perception is continuously suppressed. They are taught to constantly submit to their parents' wishes; their thoughts and feelings are treated as unimportant. This long-term self-neglect not only causes children to lose enthusiasm for life, but also makes it hard for them to recognize and express their own emotions and needs. For example, when a child wants to express dissatisfaction or a need, if repeatedly denied, they may gradually learn to suppress these feelings. Over time, this self-suppression evolves into an attitude of being unable to take interest or passion in anything. The child may become negative and passive, no longer trying to express themselves, nor seeking to satisfy their own needs. Moreover, long-term violation of personal boundaries can lead to more serious psychological problems. For example, children may develop avoidance behaviors such as "not listening, not looking, not speaking," as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from further harm. In more extreme cases, this suppression can lead to the development of psychological disorders such as depression or anxiety. Psychological research shows that having healthy personal boundaries is crucial to an individual's mental health. Boundaries let people distinguish self from others and protect personal psychological space from violation. When these boundaries are respected, individuals more easily develop a positive self-image and are more likely to form healthy interpersonal relationships. However, in enmeshed family environments, these boundaries are often ignored or trampled. Children are forced to adapt to the family's needs and expectations, unable to pursue personal needs and desires. Children from such environments often find it difficult as adults to develop healthy interpersonal relationships, because they never learned how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. To solve this problem, psychotherapy often focuses on helping individuals rebuild and strengthen personal boundaries. By identifying and expressing their own needs and feelings, individuals can begin to free themselves from the enmeshed family pattern and learn to interact with others in a healthier way. Ultimately, through such therapy and self-exploration, a person can rediscover their interests and passions. They can begin to center on their own feelings, rather than living in others' expectations and needs. This is a difficult but worthwhile journey; it not only helps individuals restore mental health, but also helps them build a more satisfying and fulfilling life. The result of this transformation is obvious. When a person begins to center on their own needs, they find their interest and enthusiasm for life beginning to return. They begin to seek and develop their own interests and hobbies, and begin to build interpersonal relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. Their lives become richer and more colorful, full of new possibilities and opportunities. However, this transformation is also a long-term process requiring time and patience. In this process, individuals may encounter setbacks and challenges, but these are all part of growth and development. Through continuous effort and self-exploration, individuals can ultimately reach inner peace and satisfaction, truly understanding and respecting their own boundaries. Finally, this process is not only about personal growth and development; it is also about changing our view of family and interpersonal relationships. By re-evaluating and reshaping our family relationships, we can not only improve our own lives, but also positively influence those around us. This is an important step toward a healthier, more harmonious society. On this journey, we learn how to be our true selves, how to interact with others in a healthy way, and how to create a more satisfying and fulfilling life. As Adler said, when our minds become free, we can truly experience the beauty of life. This is a process both challenging and hopeful, leading us toward a brighter and better future. As Adler said, freedom of the mind is the key to a beautiful life. Only when a person learns to respect and protect their personal boundaries can they truly feel the beauty and fulfillment of life. In this process, psychology not only provides tools for understanding self and others, but also points out the road to a better life.
Many things in life actually do not exceed the category of "alienation," including all those things one doesn't like but has to do, all those things where one only does one fragment and cannot see the whole (for example, one link on a production line), all those things one has to force oneself to endure disgust and irritability to do. Only doing things one truly likes is existence, not alienation. Young Marx's alienation theory once attracted great attention, and also caused controversy in China. Actually, the alienation Marx spoke of is the meaning that a person does not live according to their will. Earliest, he spoke of work on a production line: a person no longer, like a farmer, produces a complete cabbage, like a carpenter makes a complete table; their work is only one process on a production line; they may not even see a complete needle, but only produce the steel used to manufacture steel needles. Thus psychologically they become alienated, producing a feeling of irritation, because they have lost the joy of creating a complete product with their own hands. Alienation in foreign languages also has the meaning of "estrangement" — estrangement between a person and the product, estrangement between a person and the things they do, estrangement between a person and meaning. The person furthest from alienation is the artist. Not only is he tightly connected to his work, but that work is created by his own hand, like a mother giving birth to a child — from conception, to gestation, to formation, to delivery, the artist's production passes through labor pains, finally giving birth to a living baby. This production process is completely caused by the artist himself; it is what he loves; his production process is his state of existence; he is doing what he most likes, even loves passionately, so he has no alienation; he has not estranged from the production process and result; he has not estranged from the meaning of work and survival. Most people in the world, for survival, have to engage in alienated work, becoming a screw on a production line. China for a long time advocated the screw spirit; earliest it seems Lei Feng said it — willing to be a screw, wherever screwed it runs normally there, for the normal operation of a big machine. This advocacy at best is comfort for an unsuccessful, incomplete life — although your existence is alienated, for that big machine of social life, it still has meaning. If a person is only living for the sake of living, being a screw steadily is not a bad thing; for many people, being a screw on the big machine of society is a fate they cannot choose, not the result of their free choice. Such a person still lives in necessity, not entering the realm of freedom. However, looking through all of history, looking across the whole world, how many people can escape the fate of alienation? One only hopes one's life can as much as possible stay away from alienation, as much as possible do things one likes, and besides that do nothing else. If this realm cannot be reached, strive with all one's might to achieve it. Only in this way is the life lived not an alienated life, only then does one break away from necessity and enter the realm of freedom.
A person must completely control their own life; if there are still places they cannot control, they live in a state of necessity; only complete control is living in a state of freedom. Compared with doing things and making friends, what is hardest to control is one's own body, because the body has innate factors such as genetics — for example, a congenital disability, the gene for some congenital disease. But even if the innate factors cannot be shaken off, the acquired factors can still be controlled — for example, regularity of life, diet, exercise, and mood. Someone said cancer is a mental disease; perhaps it too ignores innate factors, but this statement has some truth. "Do one's best and leave the rest to fate" is the method for a person to treat their own body. If one does not do one's best — for example, using smoking and alcohol abuse to harm the body, using all-day depression to harm the soul — then that's one's own fault. In doing things, innate factors are much smaller, but it cannot be said there are none — for example, IQ is innate; a high IQ can get into university; a low IQ cannot, and the path of life and the things one can do in a lifetime will be different; also, whether one has some talent has innate factors — some are born unable to be leaders, some born unable to do business, some born unable to write; forcing it will plunge one into a situation of failure and lose control over one's life. But roughly according to one's innate conditions, choosing things one is competent at and happy to do, not doing things unsuited to oneself, not doing things one doesn't like, there is still room for choice. To be able to control one's life, one must choose the thing most suited to oneself to do, choose the thing one most likes to do. In this way, even if one cannot reach the extreme, one can enjoy the process, and can still have a feeling of controlling one's life. In interpersonal relationships, innate factors are even smaller; except for relatives and the environment one grows up in from childhood, which cannot be chosen, everything else is purely from one's own choice, mainly choices of love and friendship, choices of lovers and friends. To control one's life, one should only choose to associate with people one can love and like, ignoring other people. Because people one likes can bring oneself happiness; people one doesn't like can only bring oneself pain and harm. To keep oneself in a good mood often, obtain sincere love in the world and heartfelt liking, one must choose a branch to perch on, not just land wherever one sees a place. Complete control over body, work, and interpersonal relationships is the necessary path for a person to obtain freedom, and also the only method for a person to enjoy their own life.
Love life. What a beautiful thing it is. Among all things in the world, only human life is aware of its own existence, with joy, anger, sorrow, happiness, love, hate, desire. Other things can also be beautiful, such as a flower, a bird, a rock, but the most beautiful and most worthy of attachment is still human life and its consciousness. Flowers can only bloom in spring, birds can only forage for a lifetime, rocks can only silently endure wind and rain; only humans and their consciousness can choose, can be free and unrestrained. In other words, other existences in the world are only necessity; only human life and consciousness are free — they may not be determined by the environment, can be free and unrestrained. Although a human life is also influenced and limited by the environment, that influence and limitation are not absolute; humans can choose. Humans can choose what kind of life to live, for example can choose a wealthy life, can also choose a life of poverty; can choose to marry, can also choose to be single; can choose to be busy, can also choose to be leisurely; can choose liveliness, can also choose solitude; can choose happiness, can also choose pain. Whenever I think of the vastness of the universe and the brevity of life, I cannot help tending toward spiritual and bodily freedom and unrestraint. In this brief, cruel instant, there is no reason to bind life, to suppress its freedom. A suppressed life is also a life; a free and unrestrained life is also a life. So there is no reason not to be free and unrestrained. Freedom is choice. Choice is freedom. When we make a choice out of free will, we are free. Not making a choice, letting the environment and others decide what we do and think, is unfree. Some people in the world are unwilling to make choices, cannot make choices, only let the environment, others, and circumstances decide their fate; such people are closer to a flower, a bird, and a rock. And the more actively choosing a person is, the closer they are to life's peak state, the freer. A person who has seen through is a free person, not a person of necessity. When a person still lives in necessity, all they do, think, is determined by the environment. And when a person has seen through everything, that is, seen through the world and life, they are free. All they do and think is no longer constrained by the environment, with a lot of contingency, a lot of sudden whims, following their heart's desire. This is life's free will. The beauty of life originates in its freedom. A beautiful life must be free. Only a life forever chasing freedom is beautiful.
The depths of life are not crowded. What is crowded must be because many people are doing the same thing. For example, getting into a good university, finding a good job, obtaining a high income — this path must be crowded. Crowded places easily make people feel despair. Despair is because no matter how hard you try, you cannot reach it. From this to that, many people despair in marriage, despair at work, despair in emotions, despair about future life. Despair, this negative emotion, will spread like a virus quickly to every aspect of your life. Possibly, despair is not real, but only caused by your expectations. The marriage you expected should be another way, the workplace you expected should be another way, the emotions you expected should be another way, the future life you expected should be another way. In cities built of cement forests, everyone will fall into this endless comparison and pursuit. If you invest all of life into this material competition, it is undoubtedly extremely painful; thinking of those unattainable goals, despair will become a common emotion. Despair is a cancer of emotion. Besides making people produce endless negative emotions, endless powerlessness, it has no value of existence. Before finding life's answer, it's better to let yourself walk toward the depths of life. What you're fervent about, what you especially feel — these fields of life's depths are the source of your continuous power. In a field you especially feel, you can find your sense of existence. Finding links and power support in the depths of life is extremely important for every adult man and woman. Exerting force in crowded places is often ineffective. Like you striving to improve in a disappointing marriage, like you striving to perform in a terrible workplace, like you striving to give in a dried-up emotion. These efforts probably are only to comfort yourself, to leave yourself no regrets. Adult men and women are like this: on one side craving, on one side striving against their will, on one side making excuses for themselves. This contradictory, tangled, inextricably messy state will cause greater internal consumption in life. Looking down from above, this state is almost unsolvable.
In this era of a plastic shell, everything has lost texture. In this era of excessive packaging, finding something unadulterated is already very hard. Seriously facing time, seriously living, seriously thinking, letting yourself live out your own color and radiance like a real person — that's a process worth commemorating. SM is like a tool traveling through time, letting you enter another spacetime. Every scene friend who has experienced SM has essentially lived twice. Once in the secular world, once in the private world. The meaning of movies and TV dramas lies in letting us empathize in others' stories. A life too bland and tasteless needs others' stories to activate and ignite it. Whether SM is niche or mass, that's no longer important. What's important is that it provides a possibility to the world of the sexes. Choosing the field of SM to write about — how many fans there are is no longer important. What's important is that I can have a way to store my thoughts. This era is becoming more and more loose; each person can only seek their own sustenance. Formal things will become more and more formal; substantial things will become more and more substantial. Substantial things like erotic desire, body, soul — don't put them in a formal framework to argue about. Private things can only be sought by private individuals for a sustenance. What are private things? Pleasure, sense of existence, sense of power, love, desire, sex… things hidden deep in our hearts are actually all private things. Private things constitute the basic elements of our life's texture. A blank sheet of paper, always correct, is not life's optimal solution. Living like a human, like wind like fog, swelling and surging, ignited and melting, obsessed and intoxicated… always experiencing and feeling in some state. The secular is a cold-eyed bystanding; SM is a deep penetration of spirit and flesh. If you look at secular things too much, you'll become tired of living. Living still requires creating a private channel with concentration, longing, and impact. In the real world, what we can control is extremely limited; before our eyes is always scarcity. So some people indulge in the past, some long for the future, some are frenzied in SM, some intoxicated in love. Being different is an eternal expectation. No one will always endure in pain and numbness. Every man and woman will burn out their own energy. SM is more like a mysterious symbol on a tattoo; only you know what that symbol represents. In your heart's summoning, you walk toward the depths of life. The depths of life are a group of freely gathered people; you will have deep links there. From then on, you will no longer be alone
In most premises, trust and a sense of security cannot be simply obtained through so-called scripts, or shouting about love and peace; a Dom must pay with countless trivial bits of time and action in daily life, mixed between things and things, in exchange; a Dom needs to sensitively realize your emotions and not subconsciously ignore them, and promptly pursue the root of the unease. Rather than asking you in a daily polite tone: What's wrong? Did I not take care of your emotions? Or smoothing over those surface bad things with a coaxing-a-child word game and then brushing past; not deliberately ignoring the waves beneath your emotions with the usual emotion-handling TL, closing the door to your confiding with this seemingly caring tone. This is also the subtle neglect and on-off feeling many Subs feel in relationships — clearly there's nothing wrong with what he says and does, but why can I just not obtain a sense of security in this relationship? How can I pour out those subtle pains, oppressive heat, and tremors in my chest amid your seemingly caring words? He's clearly beside me, yet I'm always restless, afraid of understanding his meaning wrong, worried about losing him, having to speculate again and again about everything — does he not love me? Will I be replaced? I mustn't do things wrong, right…? These uneases will make the time in one's heart pass slowly, then transform into intermittent frost and coldness; it turns a person into a spiky ball, writes off all the truces signed on sunny days, and ultimately leads to the accumulation of contradictions and the rupture of the relationship, and in this situation one always feels it's one's own fault. About this I have something to say. I've seen more than once the kind of definition a Dom makes after ending a relationship: you've changed, you're always being unreasonable, we're not suitable, I'm tired… This is the contest between sensibility and rationality, and also the long-standing opposition between the sexes; this opposition is very easy to cause unease and tiny flaws. Then in such a relationship, even in a relationship not sufficiently loved, but simply built on a BDSM basis, how to build a sense of security in one's heart and with the Dom? Please do not attribute your insufficient control and guidance to contempt for your former pet. In a so-called companionship and raising relationship, the one leading is necessarily the Dom. Earlier, when I wrote that piece about feelings on raising, someone questioned why a Dom should pay so much time in a relationship — is it being unlearned and idle, or having nothing to do all day after eating full? Like people who don't like keeping pets saying isn't keeping cats and 🐶🐶 troublesome; you can't even take care of yourself, how can you take care of them. All kinds of emotions can only be felt after paying sweat and time for your rose; it's the sense of achievement that bursts in the heart at some moments: "Ah, this is my work" — here it's not objectifying women; rather it carries a trace of performance-art flavor. Conversely, in a relationship, what the leader and the passive one pay is equally important. A trusting relationship of security clashes with the rhythm of fast-food life; everyone is too busy, everyone can barely take care of themselves; a person who can care for your emotions is truly rare. Therefore, the sense of security we seek needs a person busy with work to spend time on you here for a long time. Yet not that many people have the energy to give that time; a treasure's value lies not in material but in rarity, in being precious. What we sing praises of is what we don't have, so some people completely deny others' viewpoints to prove their own greatness and soberness; thus restless people begin to despise romance, look lightly on all emotional expression, and try by every possible means to disturb others' calm to maintain their own deformed sense of solidity. This is also why Ds relationships are increasingly despised now. Actually, a sense of security — ten characters are enough: everything is settled, every sentence has an echo. For a purely DS relationship, without sufficient psychological energy and spiritual experience, a long Dom relationship cannot be supported. The poisoning of oppressive education and the persecution of the gaslight rule — simple oppression and exploitation cannot give people progress; emotional venting and extra attention can improve productivity. (Hawthorne effect) An educator's positive expectation will get positive feedback; expectations are like a double-edged sword — positive expectations impel people to develop in a good direction, negative expectations make people develop in a bad direction. (Rosenthal effect) And human development is all uneven, all with strengths and weaknesses; once one finds one's most ideal direction and lets intellectual potential be fully exerted, astonishing results can be achieved. (Wallach effect) What is guidance: the Hawthorne effect is guidance, the Rosenthal effect is guidance, the Wallach effect is guidance — why always stare at the originator of PUA, gaslighting? Is it because it's fast? Is it because besides suppressing you there's no way to make her stay? The answer you know yourself clearly. Yes, we're all adults; naturally we cannot willingly bow our heads to anyone; we guard strictly the Maginot line in our hearts, fearing being used and hurt. People all hope they are chosen by love; being chosen is like winning the lottery: obtaining without merit, obtaining without reason, both greedy and lonely, craving something that can overcome the bondage of blood ties, the bias of skin color, the differences of ethnicity, the ditch of wealth, the restraint of etiquette. "The very essence of romance is uncertainty." If you're truly willing to put away your claws and fangs, and enjoy the solidity and relaxation after a firm choice — then in this process, very much disharmony, and the emotional outbursts this disharmony causes in us, need to be correctly handled and treated together by you and the person you trust.
In today's era, if one word defines the state of adult men and women, it must be "loneliness." Looking around, men and women of almost every age group are: a lonely group. Staying home, internet, self, lying flat, surrender — under the step-by-step pressure of real life, every adult man and woman is forced into a channel of "busy, powerless, confused, helpless." Such a low-quality state of existence is both detestable and helpless. Using video-swiping to pass boredom, using high-sugar high-fat food to obtain temporary pleasure, using staying up late to increase a sense of self-control. As for intimacy, power, achievement, physical and mental pleasure — it seems those are already things of long ago. In the adult world, everyone sooner or later understands a truth: each crosses their own joys and sorrows, each seeks their own pleasure. Desire all over the body, lack all over the body — life grinds every adult man and woman into a submissive "insensitive body." With long-term frustration, you'll think this is life itself; with a long-term erotic desert, you'll think this is most people's fate. It can also be said this way: middle-aged men and women are a hopeless group. You may ask back: Aren't you, Old Sa, a middle-aged person? Of course I am; even so, I still objectively define middle-aged people as: hopeless. Why hopeless? Rigid concepts, following the crowd in behavior, thousand-year unchanging thought, near-zero creativity, bone-thin lack of imagination… all this points to gray, lightless days. Although a hopeless group, it doesn't prevent this group from fantasizing. What romance, what eternity, what "you love me to the bone and I protect you thoroughly," what holding hands buying groceries and treating each other with respect — moon-in-the-water fantasies not realized in their twenties, yet delusionally expected to become reality at forty. You can chat, you can meet, but as for sweet love, forget it. It's not that I'm striking at middle-aged men and women — look in the mirror at what you've become; do you think two tattered hearts together will mend each other into twenty-year-old youth? Before forty, I would often linger over youth — youth's greenness and purity, youth facing the sea, spring warm and flowers blooming. After forty, I more doubt the meaning and value of my own existence. Tangled over love or not love, tangled over cheating or not, tangled over intimacy or not, tangled over right and wrong… actually these are all pale in the face of human nature. Falling for someone else is normal, a life of pleasure-seeking is normal, despising the poor and loving the rich is normal, being fickle is normal… all the things you think aren't so positive-energy are very normal in the world of the sexes. The world of the sexes, besides the social nature you can see, also has the animal nature you cannot see. Male-female relationships in social nature are complex, mixed with many considerations. Men and women in animal nature are instead very simple: animal nature is seeking pleasure, is carnal pleasure, is pleasure stimulation. Social men and women often put right and wrong on the table, but often can't sort out a clear right and wrong, because right and wrong is only a shield. Animal men and women often put love on the table, but often can't sort out a clear love, because love is only a fig leaf. Someone asked me: since it's all hopeless, should we grow old alone? Hopeless does not equal growing old alone. Among the hopeless crowd, there actually exist many surging, swelling men and women. No matter how social nature changes, animal nature always exists. Making a lot of money is a small-probability event; that needs your talent, resources, luck. But erotic pleasure is something everyone can have; you will always be someone's dish.
If you only look at the beautiful, happy side of life, you can often feel pleasure; if you love looking at the ugly, vulgar side of life, you'll often be trapped in distress. The ratio of beautiful things to ugly things in the world is one to nine; all things involving fame and profit, things of daily life, are mostly ugly; only human emotions are that rare beautiful thing. So to live happily, the only way is selective viewing. Things involving fame and profit are ugly. I don't like reading literary and film works depicting power struggles, and I disdain writing such things myself — whether palace intrigue dramas or scheming in a modern setting — although this is popular literature's favorite theme, and also the most attractive theme. People surviving in a dangerous, vulgar environment — the most thrilling and heartbreaking things are these conspiracies, calculations, injuries, contests; whether in the tension and ups and downs of the plot, or the entanglement and anxiety of emotions, such themes are the most attractive. Attractive is attractive, but it still can't change its ugliness. Even in a spy drama, people can distinguish the righteous side and the opposing side, but when a plot occurs where a negative character develops true trust and emotion for a positive character and the positive character is only using this emotion for their own purpose, it still makes people feel ugliness. Steve Jobs's dying words are thought-provoking; their general meaning is: he earned too much money in his life, far more than needed, but had little emotional life, which he regretted deeply. Thinking carefully, money, power, and fame — these external things — although they can bring people the joy of success and others' envy, they still don't count as the most beautiful things in life; the truly beautiful thing is still, first of all, sincere emotion. Whether family affection, friendship, or love, when sincere emotion occurs between people, the world changes from ugly to beautiful, from cold to warm, from stiff to soft. Besides emotion, in the world there is also natural beauty and artificial beauty that is pleasing to the eye; the former is flowers, trees, blue sky and white clouds, the latter is literature, art, music and fine arts. Thank nature, unconsciously providing us natural beauty; thank artists, carefully and deliberately providing us artificial beauty. Beyond the ubiquitous ugliness, with a glimpse like a startled swan, they present beauty to us. In summary, we can only turn our faces as much as possible toward the scarce beauty, and close our eyes as much as possible to the overwhelming ugliness, to maximize the harvest of pleasure.
24/7, in essence, is not like a ferocious flood beast at all; it's just been misled by some 24/7 novels or confinement-raising chronicles. Now let's talk about 24/7 as the author understands it. The so-called 24/7 is not limited only to the scene; it's mentioned in many aspects of life. Splitting the so-called 24/7 apart, it's 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, meaning every moment, without stopping or resting. In the scene, 24/7 is a practice model of a Ds relationship; this relationship's real name is TPE (Total Power Exchange), total power exchange. TPE is a term created by psychologist Stephen Davis in the mid-1990s to describe an extreme-leaning BDSM relationship: "TPE is a mode of getting along based on mutual consent, in which the submissive gives all control over every aspect of life to the dominant," representing that once the mode is on, the two sides exchange power at all times. The dominant uses power at all times; the submissive accepts control at all times. Because during this period power is completely exchanged, as the submissive one must obey unconditionally. Some people think, since it's 24/7, does that mean confinement-raising, because it seems only confinement-raising can reach a 24/7 state? Actually that's not so. The definition of confinement-raising is the imprisonment of behavior and thought: not allowed to go out, no phone, no computer, no outside entertainment information. You can understand it as long-term solitary confinement; the only contact is your master. So confinement-raising belongs to 24/7, but it's only one method included in 24/7.
A person's maturity begins with being pragmatic. What is being pragmatic? Being pragmatic means no longer saying one thing and meaning another, no longer posturing. The real world of men and women always likes to talk about feelings, about love, but never about sex. Because talking about feelings and love is completely idealistic — whether you love me or not is entirely defined by me, and has nothing whatsoever to do with whether the other loves you. It can be said that real male-female relationships are completely a PUA of love; all dissatisfaction and discontent can be completely blamed on: not loving me. So you see, many men and women now still talk about love, but far less passionately than before. Love is made, not talked into being. When pleasure goes deep, when bliss goes deep, love won't be far off. Men and women with money and power do not lack the opposite sex. The rules of this world have always been: whoever has money has the right to speak, whoever has power has the right to speak. What is the right to speak? The right to speak means you have to listen to me, what I say counts, what you say doesn't count. People all admire strength, men and women alike. In the world of the sexes, sexual resources are highly concentrated, concentrated around people with money and power. So many people saying they're losers in feelings is a misconception. In feelings, there are never losers; feelings are just your wishful thinking. In feelings, there is also never a principle of equality. In the world of men and women, it's always a state of chasing: whoever has bigger chips has the initiative; whoever has smaller chips is in a passive state. Chips are a kind of control power, energy. Chips can also be understood as all factors that affect male-female relationships — material, spiritual, desires, psychological, etc. The real world of men and women is a divided state. First- and second-tier cities have more women than men; fifth- and sixth-tier small towns have fewer women than men. In this market of unbalanced sexual resources, youth, appearance, education, house, job and all factors begin to be comprehensively weighed and compared, and feelings are often ranked last. Strictly speaking, marriage and love have no necessary relation. As Li Yinhe said: if you feel you absolutely must marry, just find someone so-so to be with, because no matter who you marry it's about the same in the end; if you feel you absolutely must marry for love, then you should be prepared to be single for life, because love is an enchanting state that can be encountered but not sought. Strictly speaking, marriage and sexual happiness also have no necessary relation. Physiological desire is not tap water; it either exists or it doesn't. Much so-called fulfilling obligations is only a kind of perfunctoriness. Only the mutual desire of man and woman is perfect. One side hot and one side cold, sooner or later you'll drift further apart. The status quo of sexless marriages has also led to changes in men's and women's concepts. Before, everyone just muddled through, confusedly for a lifetime. Now it's each crossing their own joys and sorrows, each seeking their own pleasure. The world of men and women has always been one time one way, another time another. Don't always live in the past, don't always carve the boat to seek the sword (act on outdated experience). Living in the present, living in the now, living in this moment, is most important. The person you can't let go of — actually they've long forgotten you; it's just you yourself still unable to walk out of that state. Deep affection has always been your own one-person affair, and has nothing to do with the other party. In the world of men and women, don't fall into the sunk-cost trap. You must learn to willingly accept defeat when you gamble.
In the world of male-female emotions, many people will, because of cheating and divorce, produce a feeling of disillusionment. Women will be disappointed in men, men will be disappointed in women. Wronged, abandoned, cuckolded, had power seized by a mistress, cheated on, let down… and so on, staged every day. At the same time, these victim men and women crave heaven's favor, giving themselves a surprise of fair skin and beauty, handsome and rich, from then on to grow old together. However, probably middle-aged men and women will only continue on their original life trajectory, and no plot reversal will happen. For no other reason — your cognition and understanding of the world of the sexes determines the direction of all later stories. Between men and women, what essentially sustains it is erotic desire. Erotic desire has a shelf life; it's not unchanging. The initial closeness, the initial inseparability, the initial inseparability like glue — it's not that you're a golden boy and jade girl, a match made in heaven; this is completely physiological need. Physiological need will produce feelings like love. This fervent time will probably last about half a year to two years, varying by person. There's a meme online: nowadays the seven-year itch has become a two-year itch. Think back — when did your spiritual and physical blending end? Looks and figure in male-female relationships are far less real than carnal desire. If you go look, many lovers exposed online are far worse than the wife — no figure, no looks — then why is the man as if possessed? For no other reason — because that woman without looks or figure gave this man soul-melting carnal pleasure. If you try to hold your looks and figure in high self-regard, that's just your illusory self-delusion. A painting, a plate of braised pork — which do you choose? Pragmatism is the underlying logic of the world of men and women. When men and women are together, first solve the most basic needs, then talk about other things. The world of erotic desire wants not dignity but wildness. If a woman is only dignified, only noble in the hall, then the private relationship behind it must be terrible. If a man is only modest, only a kneeling licker in a relationship, then the private relationship behind it must be desolate. You can pretend like this in public and social occasions, but in a private relationship if you're still so prim and proper, so highbrow, that's a big mistake. Why is it called a private relationship? If private and public are the same, it wouldn't be called private. Those who can play, are bad enough, crude enough, wild enough, perverted enough, will trigger the nuclear fusion of a relationship. Those people who make your heart race and keep you excited are the temptations you cannot resist. Adult men and women look a thousand the same, but actually differ in a thousand ways. Extremely conservative, extremely open, extremely rigid, extremely greasy, extremely traditional, extremely alternative… each person's arousal point is different, each person's desire hidden deep inside is different. A relationship, if quality is not considered, then seemingly similar men and women can all be together, nothing more than living days. Living days is routine business — work when it's time to work, eat when it's time to eat, well-behaved, don't mess around. If pursuing a high-quality relationship, then two people's degree of pleasure, degree of excitement, degree of freshness, degree of concepts become the key factors of a deep relationship. Private relationships are far more than surface houses and cars — that's just the tip of the iceberg. Under the invisible sea surface is the iceberg's true face.
This world is too anxious, too restless, especially in the current environment; everyone knows in their hearts how the economic situation is. Psychological imbalance, mental imbalance, heavy hostility, heavy resentment, a leaf blocking the eyes — living has become a very difficult thing. If we cannot change the general trend, then work hard to improve the inner self. How to improve the inner self? Make yourself concrete: you must have concrete joy, concrete immersion, concrete effort, concrete creation. Throw yourself into one concrete thing, thought, thinking, practice after another, and you will improve your inner state. SM is not simply "whip + chains"; if you've attended a de Sade reading club and seriously read Li Yinhe's work "The Sadomasochistic Subculture," you'll have some understanding of SM's weightiness. An adult man or woman, of course, should understand their own erotic desire, understand the mechanism of their desire's occurrence. Each person's desire tendency is different, and the trigger mechanism of pleasure is also different. The more unspeakable in the real world, the deeper the influence on concrete men and women. When you now still stubbornly believe that whipping behavior is perverted, then your view of the sexes and understanding of the sexes are locked dead in that world. When you believe exploring bodily pleasure is a kind of decadent degeneration, then in your world pleasure is a kind of shameful, negative thing. Naturally there will be no pleasure in your world either. Rather than saying SM is a kind of behavior, it's better to say SM is a kind of concept. Concept is the entirety of a person's life. Concept governs every aspect of a person. Traditionally our education emphasizes "behavior has limits, rules have measure," but in erotic desire, we're a blank sheet; many people peep from the internet, in a self-taught process about erotic desire. SM is a unique existence in the world of erotic desire. The more you understand, the more you accept, the more you'll touch the original texture of erotic desire. There's a word called "mature woman"; a mature woman is relative to greenness — many men are intoxicated by mature women; the fundamental reason is that this woman deeply understands male-female erotic desire, thus making men unable to stop. Back to that scene friend's question: What is the value of SM? Its value is that it deepens your level of understanding of sexual erotic desire; above erotic desire is intimate relationship — it can be said male-female erotic desire is the root of intimate relationships. When you cannot give SM a position, naturally your world of the sexes has no SM element, and you cannot understand those seemingly absurd fantasies, cannot understand the reasons for certain male-female relationships. In leisure time, some SM art photography and SM imagery can still give men and women of food and sex some feeling, some touch. In being a person and doing things, being extreme and going to extremes is not advisable. Actually in the world of male-female erotic desire, being extreme and going to extremes is also not advisable. If not being close to women is correct, then men's motivation will be lost a lot. If not admiring greatness is correct, then women's flavor will be lost a lot. Haven't you noticed that the "love" on the lips of men and women now is already too rampant, too plastic-feeling? When something can no longer touch you, then that thing has already died in your world. No matter how it evolves, the primitive driving force of men and women won't change; society only changes the surface things of men and women. Things carved into the bones cannot be changed by any external thing. SM elements exist more or less in the bones of every man and woman; some people face it and accept it, some people always bury it deep in their hearts and never mention it to anyone. Perhaps this is also a trace of regret deep in human nature.
One, the excessive-empathy type Once they see a pitiful sub/M, they extremely crave to help and guide, relying on their own positive direction and assistance, committed to helping the other escape their predicament. Image Two, the denied type Has a strong desire to control the M; a denied White Knight will spare no effort to strive for recognition and admiration, even sparing no mention of their own past experiences. Three, the fear type A fear-type White Knight encountered extremely serious trauma in childhood, its degree far exceeding their psychological endurance in childhood. Four, the balanced type A balanced White Knight's heart craves to care for others, has strong empathy, and knows the measure of advancing and retreating. And when their own sub becomes better, they will feel proud and joyful from the heart — this is the most notable difference between them and other types of White Knights. Five, the detached type This kind of White Knight is keen to help a sub/M achieve transformation and become better, to obtain a sense of achievement thereby. However, due to poor empathy and weak ability to handle feelings, once they encounter a problem they tend to flee, often presenting a very busy appearance.
"People suffer not because of beautiful things, but because their minds are no longer free." — Adler. Adler, an outstanding psychologist, whose theory of individual psychology proposed a key concept: "separation of tasks." This theory advocates that individuals should develop a self-identity independent of family and social expectations. Adler believed everyone needs to develop personal boundaries to form an independent self. However, when these boundaries are violated, a person's psychological freedom is severely restricted. In an enmeshed family environment, parents' needs and expectations often become the center of family life. Children are forced to give up their personal feelings and adapt to the family's needs. In this situation, children's boundaries are blurred, their personalities and needs ignored, leading to obstacles in "separation of tasks" in their psychological development. When personal boundaries are continuously violated, a person may lose interest in the surrounding world. This sense of powerlessness and negative attitude is often a reaction to long-term denial and control. Children who grow up in enmeshed families are especially prone to this. In such a family environment, a child's self-perception is continuously suppressed. They are taught to constantly submit to their parents' wishes; their thoughts and feelings are treated as unimportant. This long-term self-neglect not only causes children to lose enthusiasm for life, but also makes it hard for them to recognize and express their own emotions and needs. For example, when a child wants to express dissatisfaction or a need, if repeatedly denied, they may gradually learn to suppress these feelings. Over time, this self-suppression evolves into an attitude of being unable to take interest or passion in anything. The child may become negative and passive, no longer trying to express themselves, nor seeking to satisfy their own needs. Moreover, long-term violation of personal boundaries can lead to more serious psychological problems. For example, children may develop avoidance behaviors such as "not listening, not looking, not speaking," as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from further harm. In more extreme cases, this suppression can lead to the development of psychological disorders such as depression or anxiety. Psychological research shows that having healthy personal boundaries is crucial to an individual's mental health. Boundaries let people distinguish self from others and protect personal psychological space from violation. When these boundaries are respected, individuals more easily develop a positive self-image and are more likely to form healthy interpersonal relationships. However, in enmeshed family environments, these boundaries are often ignored or trampled. Children are forced to adapt to the family's needs and expectations, unable to pursue personal needs and desires. Children from such environments often find it difficult as adults to develop healthy interpersonal relationships, because they never learned how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. To solve this problem, psychotherapy often focuses on helping individuals rebuild and strengthen personal boundaries. By identifying and expressing their own needs and feelings, individuals can begin to free themselves from the enmeshed family pattern and learn to interact with others in a healthier way. Ultimately, through such therapy and self-exploration, a person can rediscover their interests and passions. They can begin to center on their own feelings, rather than living in others' expectations and needs. This is a difficult but worthwhile journey; it not only helps individuals restore mental health, but also helps them build a more satisfying and fulfilling life. The result of this transformation is obvious. When a person begins to center on their own needs, they find their interest and enthusiasm for life beginning to return. They begin to seek and develop their own interests and hobbies, and begin to build interpersonal relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. Their lives become richer and more colorful, full of new possibilities and opportunities. However, this transformation is also a long-term process requiring time and patience. In this process, individuals may encounter setbacks and challenges, but these are all part of growth and development. Through continuous effort and self-exploration, individuals can ultimately reach inner peace and satisfaction, truly understanding and respecting their own boundaries. Finally, this process is not only about personal growth and development; it is also about changing our view of family and interpersonal relationships. By re-evaluating and reshaping our family relationships, we can not only improve our own lives, but also positively influence those around us. This is an important step toward a healthier, more harmonious society. On this journey, we learn how to be our true selves, how to interact with others in a healthy way, and how to create a more satisfying and fulfilling life. As Adler said, when our minds become free, we can truly experience the beauty of life. This is a process both challenging and hopeful, leading us toward a brighter and better future. As Adler said, freedom of the mind is the key to a beautiful life. Only when a person learns to respect and protect their personal boundaries can they truly feel the beauty and fulfillment of life. In this process, psychology not only provides tools for understanding self and others, but also points out the road to a better life.
If you only look at the beautiful, happy side of life, you can often feel pleasure; if you love looking at the ugly, vulgar side of life, you'll often be trapped in distress. The ratio of beautiful things to ugly things in the world is one to nine; all things involving fame and profit, things of daily life, are mostly ugly; only human emotions are that rare beautiful thing. So to live happily, the only way is selective viewing. Things involving fame and profit are ugly. I don't like reading literary and film works depicting power struggles, and I disdain writing such things myself — whether palace intrigue dramas or scheming in a modern setting — although this is popular literature's favorite theme, and also the most attractive theme. People surviving in a dangerous, vulgar environment — the most thrilling and heartbreaking things are these conspiracies, calculations, injuries, contests; whether in the tension and ups and downs of the plot, or the entanglement and anxiety of emotions, such themes are the most attractive. Attractive is attractive, but it still can't change its ugliness. Even in a spy drama, people can distinguish the righteous side and the opposing side, but when a plot occurs where a negative character develops true trust and emotion for a positive character and the positive character is only using this emotion for their own purpose, it still makes people feel ugliness. Steve Jobs's dying words are thought-provoking; their general meaning is: he earned too much money in his life, far more than needed, but had little emotional life, which he regretted deeply. Thinking carefully, money, power, and fame — these external things — although they can bring people the joy of success and others' envy, they still don't count as the most beautiful things in life; the truly beautiful thing is still, first of all, sincere emotion. Whether family affection, friendship, or love, when sincere emotion occurs between people, the world changes from ugly to beautiful, from cold to warm, from stiff to soft. Besides emotion, in the world there is also natural beauty and artificial beauty that is pleasing to the eye; the former is flowers, trees, blue sky and white clouds, the latter is literature, art, music and fine arts. Thank nature, unconsciously providing us natural beauty; thank artists, carefully and deliberately providing us artificial beauty. Beyond the ubiquitous ugliness, with a glimpse like a startled swan, they present beauty to us. In summary, we can only turn our faces as much as possible toward the scarce beauty, and close our eyes as much as possible to the overwhelming ugliness, to maximize the harvest of pleasure.
24/7, in essence, is not like a ferocious flood beast at all; it's just been misled by some 24/7 novels or confinement-raising chronicles. Now let's talk about 24/7 as the author understands it. The so-called 24/7 is not limited only to the scene; it's mentioned in many aspects of life. Splitting the so-called 24/7 apart, it's 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, meaning every moment, without stopping or resting. In the scene, 24/7 is a practice model of a Ds relationship; this relationship's real name is TPE (Total Power Exchange), total power exchange. TPE is a term created by psychologist Stephen Davis in the mid-1990s to describe an extreme-leaning BDSM relationship: "TPE is a mode of getting along based on mutual consent, in which the submissive gives all control over every aspect of life to the dominant," representing that once the mode is on, the two sides exchange power at all times. The dominant uses power at all times; the submissive accepts control at all times. Because during this period power is completely exchanged, as the submissive one must obey unconditionally. Some people think, since it's 24/7, does that mean confinement-raising, because it seems only confinement-raising can reach a 24/7 state? Actually that's not so. The definition of confinement-raising is the imprisonment of behavior and thought: not allowed to go out, no phone, no computer, no outside entertainment information. You can understand it as long-term solitary confinement; the only contact is your master. So confinement-raising belongs to 24/7, but it's only one method included in 24/7.
A person's maturity begins with being pragmatic. What is being pragmatic? Being pragmatic means no longer saying one thing and meaning another, no longer posturing. The real world of men and women always likes to talk about feelings, about love, but never about sex. Because talking about feelings and love is completely idealistic — whether you love me or not is entirely defined by me, and has nothing whatsoever to do with whether the other loves you. It can be said that real male-female relationships are completely a PUA of love; all dissatisfaction and discontent can be completely blamed on: not loving me. So you see, many men and women now still talk about love, but far less passionately than before. Love is made, not talked into being. When pleasure goes deep, when bliss goes deep, love won't be far off. Men and women with money and power do not lack the opposite sex. The rules of this world have always been: whoever has money has the right to speak, whoever has power has the right to speak. What is the right to speak? The right to speak means you have to listen to me, what I say counts, what you say doesn't count. People all admire strength, men and women alike. In the world of the sexes, sexual resources are highly concentrated, concentrated around people with money and power. So many people saying they're losers in feelings is a misconception. In feelings, there are never losers; feelings are just your wishful thinking. In feelings, there is also never a principle of equality. In the world of men and women, it's always a state of chasing: whoever has bigger chips has the initiative; whoever has smaller chips is in a passive state. Chips are a kind of control power, energy. Chips can also be understood as all factors that affect male-female relationships — material, spiritual, desires, psychological, etc. The real world of men and women is a divided state. First- and second-tier cities have more women than men; fifth- and sixth-tier small towns have fewer women than men. In this market of unbalanced sexual resources, youth, appearance, education, house, job and all factors begin to be comprehensively weighed and compared, and feelings are often ranked last. Strictly speaking, marriage and love have no necessary relation. As Li Yinhe said: if you feel you absolutely must marry, just find someone so-so to be with, because no matter who you marry it's about the same in the end; if you feel you absolutely must marry for love, then you should be prepared to be single for life, because love is an enchanting state that can be encountered but not sought. Strictly speaking, marriage and sexual happiness also have no necessary relation. Physiological desire is not tap water; it either exists or it doesn't. Much so-called fulfilling obligations is only a kind of perfunctoriness. Only the mutual desire of man and woman is perfect. One side hot and one side cold, sooner or later you'll drift further apart. The status quo of sexless marriages has also led to changes in men's and women's concepts. Before, everyone just muddled through, confusedly for a lifetime. Now it's each crossing their own joys and sorrows, each seeking their own pleasure. The world of men and women has always been one time one way, another time another. Don't always live in the past, don't always carve the boat to seek the sword (act on outdated experience). Living in the present, living in the now, living in this moment, is most important. The person you can't let go of — actually they've long forgotten you; it's just you yourself still unable to walk out of that state. Deep affection has always been your own one-person affair, and has nothing to do with the other party. In the world of men and women, don't fall into the sunk-cost trap. You must learn to willingly accept defeat when you gamble.
Gaslighting: More terrifying than physical imprisonment is mental imprisonment Gaslighting is actually a kind of psychological manipulation and brainwashing carried out by distorting the reality in the victim's eyes. They do this essentially to transfer their own deep inner insecurity. In real life, the gaslight effect exists more in intimate relationships such as: parent-child relationships, couple relationships, etc. Gaslighting is not a clearly defined psychological theory; it comes from an old film called "Gaslight," in which the originally beautiful, confident heroine Paula, who could think independently, under her husband's meticulous psychological manipulation, became doubtful of reality, questioning herself, and finally was almost completely controlled by the other party mentally. One classic segment — the male lead deliberately made the gas lamp at home flicker. When Paula expressed doubt about the abnormal light, the male lead firmly denied it, insisting on telling her it was her hallucination, that she was overly suspicious. In the end, Paula also began to doubt whether her own cognition was reality. Later, in psychological research, this kind of emotional manipulation in intimate relationships that controls the other by distorting the reality in the victim's eyes was named "gaslighting." This kind of emotional manipulation is very common in all types of intimate relationships. Taking parent-child relationships as an example, some parents habitually deny their children's cognition, feelings, and judgments in daily life, making children think they cannot distinguish right from wrong, good from bad, thereby fully accepting the parents' arrangements. This kind of manipulation between partners is more typical and prominent. Why would a manipulator control their partner or children like this? Here are the three most common reasons they manipulate people around them: 1, Hiding: they try to conceal certain things they've done 2, Changing: the manipulator wants to change you in certain aspects 3, Control: the manipulator wants to occupy an absolute dominant position, satisfying their own desire for control. 01 Hiding: Many times, a manipulator tries to distort the reality in their partner's eyes so the other no longer trusts their own judgment and perception, in order to cover up certain facts unfavorable to them. What they want to hide may also be some very small things that nevertheless make them feel shame or embarrassment. Manipulators are usually narcissistic and fragile, so they are very sensitive to things that damage their image. In this situation, manipulation generally originates from you discovering something that puzzles you; perhaps you don't think it's a big deal, just simply chat with the other about it, or mention it casually, and they fall into vigilance and begin trying to brainwash you. 02 Changing Most manipulators have in their hearts a portrait of an ideal partner; they have a series of specific requirements for their partner. They manipulate their partner to make the other as close as possible to their "ideal portrait," even if this change goes against the other's own wishes. They will, through constant belittling, or moral and emotional kidnapping, strike the other's self-esteem, making them believe they truly aren't good enough; or believe that if you love a person you must change for them, otherwise it's my fault, it's that I don't love them enough. 03 Control Narcissistic manipulators with an extremely strong desire for control hope they are not only the person holding power in the relationship, but also the only person who can influence their partner's life. And to achieve this purpose, they will constantly brainwash their partner, uglifying and demonizing other people around them in front of their partner, causing the other to actively or passively slowly distance themselves from other close people, until only the manipulator is left beside them, and they can only trust this one person. Not only that, they will also, to control the other, make the other believe twisted ideas like "only they will love a person as bad as me," or "I can't survive if I leave them." Manipulators immensely enjoy this feeling of unique, absolute control over their partner. What characteristics do victims often have? Gaslighting manipulators are very good at exploiting your sore points; whatever you feel is most painful to you, they transform it into their secret weapon. ① Reminding you of your deepest fears: you really are too fat, too sensitive, too stupid… ② Threatening you'll be completely abandoned: no one else will tolerate you, other people actually all look down on you inside… ③ Bringing up other failed relationships: no wonder you can't get along with your friends, this is why others hate you! ④ Using your ideal model against you: isn't marriage about giving a partner unconditional love, I thought friends should support each other, a truly excellent person is able to withstand this pressure… ⑤ Making you doubt your own cognition, memory, or judgment of reality: I never said that, it's your own imagination; didn't you promise, have you forgotten? Your words make me feel hurt: everyone is laughing at you in their hearts… How do victims step by step get under the gas lamp? First stage: lack of confidence. Control starts from questioning. The manipulator deliberately says some very outrageous things; these things often subvert your cognition. At first you may find such things very ridiculous, but when similar things repeat many times, you start to doubt: am I really wrong? Second stage: arguing Faced with questioning, most people's first reaction is to argue for themselves, finding all evidence to prove the manipulator is wrong. This approach sounds normal, but once you start trying every way to convince the other, that means the other's words have already affected you. You can't tolerate their disapproval; you hope the other can accept your words and actions, so you want to argue — but this precisely falls into the other's trap. Third stage: suppression After the first two stages, the manipulated person discovers they simply can't get the other's approval, so they give up resistance, thereby believing the other's brainwashing. How to escape gaslighting's toxic manipulation? ① Build your own social system. Don't depend too much on a certain person. When your contact with the outside world always needs to pass through one person, you also give this person the ability to control your life. So you need to build a social network completely your own; you don't need the manipulator to help you communicate with the outside world — this way you avoid the manipulator isolating you from people around you and thereby brainwashing you. ② Notice "manipulation," and break free from control starting with small things. Actually, in the process of being manipulated, you can be aware of it; it's just that sometimes because you trust a certain person too much, it leads to self-doubt and distrust of yourself. When you become aware of this process, you can manage your own affairs yourself, starting with small things, step by step breaking free. ③ Objectively analyze others' words and actions, fully understand yourself. You need to fully understand what kind of person you are, so you can, from others' evaluations of you, clearly recognize which evaluations are objective and true and which are wrong and distorted. Only after sufficiently understanding yourself can you rationally view the manipulator themselves and their behavior, distinguishing whether they're distorting facts and concealing the truth
"Success in life does not lie in getting a good hand of cards, but in playing a bad hand well." Giving up is easy, being defeated is easy, but formidable people are all indomitable, their hearts already strong enough not to be crushed by anything. A person's maturity is the process of fighting human nature, constantly overcoming one's own weaknesses.
[Self] I am a heavy-taste male Dom with a sex addiction, experienced, who understands respect and mood, and personally cares quite a bit about privacy. Below are my likes and hobbies; I look forward to a person whose soul resonates with mine. All likes are not unchanging; changing for a person I fancy is not embarrassing. [Contrast] The her I look forward to is a goddess who walks past gathering men's gazes, and also a representative of a sex slave. [Bondage] She is a soul bound by life; take off the mask and release the bound fleshly desire. [Humiliation] She is a new woman with proper speech and conduct, and also a cheap slut who can be wantonly denigrated and abused. [Multiple People] She is a sex slave only for my casual use, and also a sex doll (fleshlight) who can accept all three holes fully opened. [Slapping] She is, in her best friend's words, a stunner with delicate skin, and can also be grabbed by the hair and slapped wildly. [Exposure] She is a conservative yet sexy enchantress, and can also be completely naked, displaying her tail in any setting. [S&P] She is a byword for excellence at work, and also a slutty cunt begging as a belt leaps on her jade body. [Crawling] She is a beauty with a hot figure, and also a female 🐶 commanded to obediently submit and crawl on a lead. [Role] She is the ever-changing Sakura who can be desirable and sweet, and also a slutty wife who can be cold, warm, conservative, or dissolute. [Incontinence] She is a pioneer of urban civilization, and also, in the night, a piece of trash who cannot control excretion and is utterly ashamed. [Deep Throat] The her I like is a daughter articulate in discussing likes and dislikes, and can also be an oral device for deep throat. [Forced] The her I like sheds her disguised clothing, and loses herself again and again at the edge of pleasure. [Outdoor] The her I like can calmly face being played with and trained as a sex slave in various environments. [Masturbation Display] The her I like displays her lewdness without reservation, showing a slut to the fullest. [Internal Ejaculation] I look forward to her accepting desire without barriers, letting passion release to the fullest and being irrigated at the peak. [Anal Sex] I look forward to her accepting anal plugs, from tail to anal sex, a squirting warrior in uninhabited outdoor places. [Hair Removal] I look forward to her accepting clearing that black forest, letting the sunken abyss be perfectly displayed. [Imprisonment] I look forward to her accepting chains on her body, sealed in a cage, playing well the role of a female 🐶. [Fisting] I even more look forward to her slowly accepting fisting, her beautiful body accommodating the limit of a fist. [Taboo] Blood / piercing / golden showers / harm — every little 🐶 and kitty should not have to experience darkness to know how to protect themselves.
Emotion without desire is very thin. Desire without emotion is very primitive. We seem to have entered an era where thinness and primitiveness coexist. A scene friend told me she feels life is very oppressive. When oppressed, there will be rebellion, there will be breaking free, there will be a surging to break through all rules and constraints. This has nothing to do with having money or not, and nothing to do with loving or not. Oppression, in essence, is that your original self has been suppressed. That real you must come out for some air. Handsome and beautiful are only a kind of praise. However, what men and women need is not praise, but extraordinary feelings and experiences. So the impact brought by one experience far exceeds months of ambiguous chatting. A good-looking skin is one dimension. A demonic soul is one dimension. If the skin is not that good-looking and the soul is not that demonic, then walking in the human world is indeed a lonely existence. Love without faith is not good love; SM without a sense of ritual is not good SM. The love spoken of by secular men and women has no faith at all; the SM spoken of by secular men and women also has no sense of ritual. Love does not equal rolling in the sheets; many men and women, after rolling in the sheets, love is gone; a whip also does not equal SM; many men and women, when the whip is raised, SM has ended. When you age while your experience stagnates, you will have a deep sense of frustration. Frustration is often compensated with desire and SM. Many men and women in desire are only seeking a feeling of success; many men and women in SM are only seeking a feeling of their real self's existence. Success in the real world after all belongs to a minority; the expression of the real self also belongs to a minority. All the shortcomings of the real world must be realized with the spirit and flesh of men and women — this is probably a kind of instinctive existence. Many men and women seek only: a response! A spiritual response, a desire response, a response to all external decoration, a response to all inner restlessness. Only wanting a response is actually very simple. What's complicated is that you mix this response with too many constraining conditions. The combination of these constraining conditions becomes an impossible personal obsession. So, destinedly, some people are destined to spend decades without a response. From this to that, being free and easy and letting go is nothing more than simplifying and simplifying those complex obsessions, so that with very little experience and behavior, the inner shortcoming can be fulfilled. The end of the secular is still the secular. On this channel for decades, you've only become more secularized. It's said secular men and women are all acting; perhaps your acting skills, after decades of honing, are indeed superb, so that you think living is originally like this. If you become another's desire, you can see what the other's desire looks like. If another becomes your desire, then you can see what your own desire looks like. The look of desire is very pure, so pure you cannot even perform it. Emotion is for enjoying, but some people insist on using emotion to make an issue. Desire is for satisfying, but some people insist on using desire to manipulate. In the sober world of men and women, emotion and desire are both superfluous; making an issue and manipulating are the purpose. If you get carried away, just immerse in it. In that carried-away state, emotion and desire will burn and surge, will throw themselves in without regard.
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Complete knot methods and structural terminology of the rope bondage scene One, Basic Knots — these are the most common, most basic knots in rope bondage; all complex structures derive from them. 1. Overhand knot: the most basic knot, used to fix a rope end. 2. Double overhand: a more secure variant of the overhand. 3. Figure-eight: often used to fix a starting point, not easy to slip. 4. Reef knot: used to connect two ropes, less often used alone in bondage. 5. Clove hitch: very commonly used, used to fix rope to a post, wrist, ankle, etc. 6. Half hitch: often used for temporary fixing or as part of a complex structure. 7. Slip knot: can adjust tightness, often used for collars, leads, etc. 8. Running knot: a slidable knot, used for quick tightening. 9. Secure knot: a knot that won't slide, used where stability is needed. 10. Quick-release knot: can be quickly untied, used in scenes needing emergency release. Two, Basic Structures — these are the "basic modules" that make up full-body ties. 1. Single-column tie: fixing one limb (such as a wrist) into a "column." 2. Double-column tie: fixing two limbs (such as both hands) together. 3. Cross-body: rope crossing in front of or behind the body. 4. Triangle: a stable triangle made of three ropes, the core of many complex ties. 5. Diamond / Hishi: a decorative and stable structure very common in Japanese bondage. 6. Kikkou structure: repeating hexagonal or tortoiseshell patterns. 7. Asanoha structure: a hemp-leaf symmetrical pattern. 8. Box tie: forming a "box" structure around the torso or limbs. 9. Harness: a "strap" around some part of the body, such as chest strap, leg strap, waist seal. 10. Web: multiple ropes crossing to form a net covering. Three, Classic Full-body Ties — these are the "finished styles" you most often see in bondage works. 1. Takate kote: classic arm binding, arms crossed and fixed behind the back. 2. Ebi tie: a tie with the body bent and back arched. 3. Ebi variation: various variants of the shrimp tie. 4. Matae: a tie with arms crossed in front of the body. 5. Ushiro te: a basic tie with both hands fixed behind the back. 6. Mae te: both hands fixed in front of the body. 7. Hishi tie: a full-body tie mainly with diamond structures. 8. Kikkou tie: whole body covered in tortoiseshell patterns. 9. Sakura tie: a tie mainly with chest decoration. 10. Botan tie: a complex chest and torso pattern tie. 11. Kumo (spider): ropes extending outward in multiple directions from a center, like a spider web. 12. Chou (butterfly): a tie with arms spread like butterfly wings. 13. Tsubasa (wing): similar to the butterfly tie, but emphasizing shoulder lines more. 14. Nawashi (rope clothing): a "clothing-style" tie with the whole body covered in complex rope patterns. 15. Suspension: a tie with part or all of the body off the ground (high risk). 16. Partial suspension: e.g., only suspending legs, only suspending the upper body. 17. Upright suspension: standing suspension. 18. Inverted suspension: head-down suspension (extremely high risk). Four, Body-part Specific Ties. 1. Mune / Breast harness: various structures around the chest. 2. Koshi: a strap or decoration around the waist. 3. Mons / Crotch rope: a rope structure passing through the crotch. 4. Ashi: binding of thighs, calves, or knees. 5. Hiza: a tie fixing the knees. 6. Ashi tie: binding of ankles or feet. 7. Kubi / Collar: a structure around the neck. 8. Kata: a tie emphasizing shoulder lines. 9. Senaka: a decorative or fixing structure on the back. Five, Japanese Bondage Aesthetics Terminology — these words describe "style" and "philosophy," not specific knots. 1. Kinbaku-bi (rope bondage beauty): the aesthetic philosophy of bondage. 2. Rope flow: the direction and rhythm of rope on the body. 3. Tension: the balance of force between rope and body. 4. Line: the visual lines formed by rope. 5. Pattern: such as tortoiseshell, diamond, Asanoha, etc. 6. Negative space: the blank areas between rope and rope. 7. Ritual: the ritual actions and atmosphere in the bondage process. 8. Connection: the energy and trust exchange between rigger and model. Six, Bondage Scene "Slang" (only true insiders use it). 1. Rigger: the person tying the rope. 2. Bottom / Model: the person receiving bondage. 3. Rope bunny: a person who likes being tied, often a model. 4. Rope junkie: a person extremely passionate about bondage. 5. Tie bunny: a model who likes being tied by different riggers everywhere. 6. Rope date: a one-on-one bondage session between rigger and model. 7. Rope jam: a practice gathering of bondage enthusiasts. 8. Shibari night: a bondage event with performances or displays. 9. Rope trance: the deep relaxation state a tied person enters. 10. Rigger's high: the focused, flowing state a rigger enters during binding. Seven, Rope Materials and Tools Terminology (Gear). 1. Jute: the most traditional material in Japanese bondage. 2. Hemp: a material commonly used in European/American bondage. 3. Cotton: soft, suitable for beginners. 4. Silk: soft, smooth, leaning decorative. 5. Bondage rope: common pre-made finished ropes on the market. 6. Rope bag: a bag for holding rope. 7. Safety shears: a tool for cutting rope in emergencies. 8. Tape: used to protect skin or mark rope positions.
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How to feel that you still exist? Expression is an important way. How to feel that you are still living with high quality? Creative expression is the most direct route. In the subculture scene, many friends are used to passive acceptance, but have never learned self-expression. It is not that only when you know will profound change happen to you. Only by passing through your own flesh and soul and expressing it in your own way will it truly be internalized as part of you. Qualitative change definitely happens in the process of expression. SM behavior is another kind of expression. Behavior is also a kind of self-expression. In your bodily behavior, you have realized the authenticity of your self's existence. A person cannot always live in concepts; a person living in a pile of concepts is ungrounded, suspended in mid-air. The texture of life is attached to behavior and perception. The expression of words is a high concentration of past behavioral perception. For deep spiritual flow, words are the only way of expression. Life needs periodic summaries, and also needs daily enlightenment and progress. A person is a higher animal; this highness is embodied in the condensation and sublimation of thought and spirit. Conversely, a person long without expression, or long trapped in meaningless random chatting, has a scattered life and a desertified spirit. A person long without creative activity will fall into the mire of mediocrity. Life's inner power is hidden in highly creative expression and behavior. SM socializing is essentially a collision of compatibility. What is compatibility? It is the degree of overlap between your deep thoughts and the other's deep thoughts. Everyone wants to live a little more profoundly. These profundities need a sorting, summarizing, and refining of the perceptions and understandings deep in one's heart. In the process of communication, you will know whether you and the other have compatibility. With no concepts at all in one's heart, there is fundamentally no talk of compatibility, and one cannot make truly textured friends. Socializing has a principle: equality. You can only attract people on the same frequency as you. In the future era, every man and woman enters a process of self-exploration. How to live is an important proposition. How to live with quality is even more an important topic for everyone. Living, in itself, is not only biologically being able to breathe, but how you, within your possible range, maximize keeping yourself fresh and keeping yourself different. What SM itself is doesn't matter; what's important is whether you recognize this geeky, cutting-edge thought. Have you seen life's inner surging, swelling, wildness, fervor? Are you endlessly hypnotizing yourself, or endlessly activating yourself? Are you constantly shrinking yourself, or constantly expanding yourself? Standing on the time axis of decades of life, how you arrange the remaining decades is especially urgent. What is your life? This question is too grand; if pieced together with concrete images, it is the collection of your daily behaviors, thoughts, and states. You can, at night, in your own mind, fast-forward your past year, past three years, past five years like a movie. This fast-forward flowing image constitutes your life. Color, texture, shock — all completely decided by yourself.
I'm clearly heterosexual, why would I fall for my best friend? | What's the deal with "sexual attraction" between girls? Have you ever doubted your sexual orientation? Don't worry; human feelings are inherently pure and fervent. When one day you have a deep emotional longing for someone, I hope you won't limit it by gender; fervent, beautiful feelings need not be bound." I'm clearly heterosexual, why would I fall for my best friend? | What's the deal with "sexual attraction" between girls? "Have you ever doubted your sexual orientation? Don't worry; human feelings are inherently pure and fervent. When one day you have a deep emotional longing for someone, I hope you won't limit it by gender; fervent, beautiful feelings need not be bound." Women have more "flexibility" than men Bisexuality is very common among girls; the vast majority of women themselves are not iron-clad straight women. In a study on women, when facing sexual stimulation, 82% of participants had sexual impulses toward both sexes; 74% of women who considered themselves "heterosexual" had strong sexual impulses toward both men and women. If you've seen other girls' comments under works girls post on Douyin, you'd know some straight girls' compliments to each other are absolutely not merely "commercial mutual praise," but more or less carry some "sexual excitement" in them. Another study found that 60% of heterosexual women admitted having felt sexual attraction to other women, and 50% of heterosexual women admitted having had sexual fantasies about women. In addition, in this study, 45% of heterosexual women had kissed women. Data surveys over many years from the familiar P site show that "lesbian" is the keyword most popular with female users. That is to say, even for straight women, the object of their lewd thoughts may not only be men. Romance between girls is not necessarily related to sex When girls fall for girls, of course it doesn't necessarily require sexual attraction; it can also be romantic attraction. The two attractions seem easy to distinguish, but for women they are especially easily confused. On one hand, whether sexual attraction or romantic attraction, both make us produce a desire to be physically close to the other. At the same time, because women do not always clearly perceive their own physiological arousal, sometimes it's hard to realize the existence of their sexual attraction, or mistake sexual attraction for romantic attraction. So what exactly is the difference between the two? Sexual attraction is a desire driven by physiological sexual impulse. When sexual attraction occurs, what makes us excited and pleased is often the other's exterior. At this time, the other may frequently appear in our minds, but our fantasies rarely focus on the other's personality and interior. And romantic attraction is a desire driven by emotion. When romantic attraction occurs, our excitement and pleasure come from seeing the other completely and deeply. We'll crave to build an emotional connection with the other; every bit more we understand the other brings us satisfaction while making us want to get closer to them. We like and appreciate her, not only strongly craving time with her and wanting to be close and hug her, but among this there is no sexual meaning whatsoever. She is a best friend, but more a soulmate. We hope she has all the most beautiful things in the world, only because we fervently love her existence from our hearts. This strong emotional longing is actually pure romantic attraction containing no sexual longing whatsoever. Such attraction is actually not uncommon in heterosexual women's friendships; it's just that we may not realize our feelings are already different from ordinary friendship. At the same time, these attractions are not unchanging either. At different stages, scenes, and environments in our lives, great changes can occur. Then someone may ask: if only "romantic attraction" is produced, but no "sexual attraction," does it count as homosexuality? This brings us back to the definition — What counts as a "lesbian"? A lesbian, in English Lesbian, often abbreviated "les." On one hand, it's a kind of sexual orientation, referring to women producing emotional, love, or sexual attraction to the same sex. On the other hand, lesbian also refers to the group of lesbians — women attracted to women. In heterosexual groups, "lesbians" are often called "girl comrades," "yuri," "lala," etc., but lesbians usually don't call each other that among themselves. Based on society's gender stereotypes, lesbians are divided by gender temperament into different gender roles: T (gender temperament leaning masculine), P (leaning feminine), H (leaning neutral); but with the community's development, lesbians' gender roles have more diverse changes. Lesbian gender role classification Exterior "masculine": T The term for lesbians with a "masculine" appearance comes from the English word tomboy, but different from this word's original meaning; it's similar to butch in English classification. In Incheon, China, also called "TB." Besides this, classifications of T include: Stone Butch: a T who doesn't like her own limbs being touched in sexual behavior, but can reach climax in sex with a partner. Baby Butch: a T who is young and naive in appearance. In lesbian culture, cognition of T has become more diverse; T is no longer a "woman who wants to be a man," but uses "masculinity" to resist the single image of women in a male-dominated society; definitions of "masculinity" and "femininity" are also more elastic, hence more diverse roles like "feminine T." Exterior "feminine": P Same as the Western classification femme, Taiwan, China calls more "feminine" lesbians "po"; in mainland China they're called "P." In early prejudices about P, P was considered a weak, passive "heterosexual" woman, because P is easily attracted by T's "masculine temperament" and falls in love with the same sex. With the continuous expansion of modern society's definitions of women and lesbians, P also more actively and forcefully identifies with her own identity, thus appreciating more the differences between T and men. Like T's gender culture, P's classification has slowly diversified, with sayings like "爷P" and "strong woman P." Exterior "neutral": H H is a word unique to mainland lesbian circles, meaning Half, a classification between T and P, which can switch between T and P. In Incheon, China, and Taiwan, China, similar concepts are "un-divided" and "No Label." In the past lesbian TP model, influenced by the trends of "de-gendering" and "de-stereotyping," more and more young lesbians are used to defining their roles with "H" or "un-divided," breaking free of the binary gender model. Why does society have greater tolerance for female same-sex relationships? Although men and women may equally at some stage discover they're not quite "straight," from research, women's sexual orientation is indeed more flexible relative to men's. But this doesn't mean men are innately more "rigid" than women in sexual orientation. The difference between men and women in flexibility of sexual orientation very possibly comes from society's "double standard" in treating the two. On one hand, society often shows obvious rejection of men's homosexual behavior, considering it damages masculinity; on the other hand, for women's homosexual behavior it's more a kind of ignoring and "invisibility," considering intimacy between women very ordinary, and rarely linking mutual attraction between women to love. For example, toward liking between girls, there is a quite common turning-a-blind-eye. Although this turning-a-blind-eye originates from belittling and slighting feelings between women, it also, in a disguised way, lets same-sex feelings between women have a more flexible space to develop. By comparison, men, whose same-sex intimate behavior more easily suffers rejection, often tend to show clearer boundaries in same-sex relationships. For example, behaviors like female friends walking hand-in-hand on the street, sleeping in one bed, acting coquettishly with each other from time to time, are not common among straight men. Society's relative tolerance for female same-sex relationships gives women more freedom in experiencing same-sex relationships. It's worth emphasizing that sexual orientation being flexible does not equal women being more able to change their sexual orientation, nor does it equal all women being bisexual. Sometimes we joke using "bent" to describe the flexibility of our sexual orientation. But if we're a bit serious on the topic of female sexual orientation, a more rigorous saying is not being "bent," but some women gradually discovering their love for the same sex in the process of growing up. Many people (not only women), in the process of exploring their own sexual orientation, may also encounter another dilemma: when sexual orientation is part of our personal identity cognition, deepening cognition of one's own sexual orientation is very possibly a process that makes our hearts taste all flavors mixed. The process of exploring sexual orientation may be mixed with curiosity, surprise, unease, even meaning facing the guilt of "betraying" one's original identity, and judgment from the outside. But actually, the construction of the concept of sexual orientation is precisely to let everyone fully understand their complete self, not to limit our love and attraction. If giving oneself an identity definition is too difficult, then there's no need to rush to think out a label that suits oneself. After all, our love and palpitations in this human world inherently exist before all concepts. The end.
"Human Dog in the Mind" The meaning of a human dog: body human, mind dog, physical expression Psychological needs: a sense of conquest, belonging, being pampered Physiological needs: the dog wears a collar, 🐶 chain and basic equipment, and completes specific methods on the basis of the dog form; as for the methods, they're set according to different dogs' and masters' different requirements. (Mutual respect for bottom lines is most important) From the master's angle: as a dog-training master, first understand the meaning of a dog — I mentioned it above. On this basis, understand that as a master you must give your dog a very real psychological feeling of being a dog, give your dog a true scenario, let them psychologically feel they are a real dog — that is, in your usual interactions you must completely treat the other party as a dog. So how can this be done? Actually, it's quite simple to say. First, the master must truly pamper their dog psychologically, treat them as their own pet, not a venting tool; this is the premise for building the relationship. In private space, always keep the dog doing all dog actions and expressions; according to different dog forms and breeds, set strict requirements for the dog, even training plans, the dog's body language — of course, no matter what, training must not exceed ****. In the dog-training process, besides strict training, never forget caresses at any time. A pampering word, a caressing action, an appreciating look — your 🐶 will feel happy, and will work harder to accept training. Second, besides training their 🐶, what a master must do: caress their beloved dog, give timely rewards — these acts both embody the master's care for the dog and let the dog feel it truly is the master's beloved dog, deepening master-dog feelings. As a master, have a sense of responsibility; pay attention to your dog's health and safety, and pamper your dog with your heart. Third, at the start of interaction, both parties should make their situations clear to each other, so as to arrange control and training plans; targeted training plans should also respect your dog's bottom lines. Finally, grasp the measure well. As a master, understand that your dog is a human dog; since they're a human dog, you must grasp the measure of their dual identity as human and dog. If you treat them completely as a dog and completely ignore their human identity and psychology, your dog may be unable to accept it and flee; if you consider their human identity too much, your dog won't find a sense of conquest and belonging, and will feel more like a friend with you. Treat them as a real dog, but the master must psychologically always consider their feelings as a human and their body's tolerance. This way it's both fun and trains the dog, and deepens the dog's psychological training. From the dog's angle: as a dog, since you choose to be the master's dog, psychologically treat yourself as a loyal dog, and be sincerely loyal to your master. Although you're a dog, also understand you're a social person, so at the start of interaction you should make your situation clear to your master and also tell your master your bottom lines clearly, to avoid trouble in later interaction. Report your feelings to your master in a timely way so the master can adjust the training content and degree for you.
The twelve feelings in SM: Feelings of shame, belonging, surrender, dependence; Feelings of powerlessness, bondage, specialness, contrast; Feelings of oppression, objectification, abstinence, happiness.
Six Common Mistakes Doms Make That Damage a Dom/sub Relationship Taking in an M doesn't come with an instruction manual, and likewise, no one is born a perfect S (dominant). You can read many books about the SM lifestyle, discuss with other S's, and attend some SM events. But you still can't escape that nagging voice in your heart, thinking you still can't do it completely right. Perhaps you already have many battle guides on how training or aftercare 'should be done,' but do you secretly wish there were also a doctrine of 'things you must never do'? Do you sometimes feel you've done your best, yet it's still not perfect? Let's look at these six — small ones can spoil an M, big ones can damage a Dom/sub relationship — common mistakes S's make. 1. Giving whatever is asked — whatever your M wants, she can always have her way Perhaps it's the newest sex toy she found online, perhaps it's letting her skip a daily task she really hates, or making a habit of giving her all the training she wants done to herself. Giving her everything she asks for is like raising a spoiled, indulged, pampered little brat. She'll quickly learn she can always use emotional manipulation on you to get everything she wants. Of course in a D/s relationship it's very common for an S to fall in love with an M, and there's nothing wrong with that itself. I personally would never want a girl as my M who gives me no reason to love her. The crisis you must fight is that when you view your relationship as a romantic arrangement between two equals, you yourself submit to the dynamic's power exchange. The result will only lead to a shallow, cooled Dom/sub relationship that ultimately satisfies neither side. Occasionally letting her needs be satisfied is absolutely fine — reward her for good service, sometimes do things that make her happy. But an M also needs to be reminded at all times who she is, and what role and position she plays in this relationship. What you should do Make letting her have the newest sex toy she covets, or indulging her in a bed activity she especially likes, a reward for something praiseworthy she recently completed for you. Make her feel she earned this reward through giving. This can stop her developing a sense of holding power, and instill in her an unbreakable understanding — she doesn't own you, you own her. This can help her develop her submissiveness. 2. No rules If your M climbs on top of your head, tries to challenge the rules you set, fails to meet your instructions and expectations, or says or does things you don't allow, you must absolutely not indulge her or pretend nothing happened. Lack of discipline in a Dom/sub relationship often stems from treating a partner as a wife or girlfriend rather than an M. It's very natural that disciplining someone you love is hard and even you yourself dislike doing it, so many S's, even when fully authorized, are unwilling to carry out the correction they should. They rationalize to themselves that setting rules is negative and unworkable, that their M doesn't need any regulation at all. This will cultivate in the M the belief that her bad habits will produce no bad consequences. This situation leads to more serious problems in a Dom/sub relationship. Just as children love to use behavior to challenge the norms and boundaries adults set, so do Ms. Establishing clear boundaries actually makes most Ms feel the sense of security and of being protected and cared for that they need. Many times when they climb on the S's head it's not really ill-intentioned; they just want to confirm they're still indeed being disciplined and cared for by the S. So if there are no consequences for inappropriate behavior, the line between good and bad blurs or ceases to exist, and the M starts to feel uneasy and unprotected. What you should do Set clear and consistent rules and consequences for your M. Make sure she truly understands your expectations, knows what she should and shouldn't do, and what behavior is appropriate. When she crosses a line, you need to step forward immediately and give appropriate correction and handling. It doesn't all have to be physical punishment — of course sometimes that's very effective and time-saving — but if your M really enjoys spanking, then spanking isn't a very effective punishment. Canceling a privilege she enjoys is relatively much more effective in this case. Remember to explain clearly to her, make sure she understands she's receiving the corresponding punishment because of her own bad behavior; don't over-punish. Make sure the punishment is suitable and appropriate for the offense. 3. Always making excuses for them When an M makes a mistake through negligence rather than deliberately, the S always feels they too must bear part of the responsibility. Feeling that the M's negligence must partly be one's own responsibility — I think that's a fairly normal thought for any leader. "Perhaps I didn't explain my expectations and rules to her clearly enough? Or did I not provide her enough training?" We always want to believe our M is one hundred percent devoted, wanting to show her best side just like us. Such thoughts make us habitually make excuses for the M, even blame ourselves for her mistakes. We all want to have confidence in our M, but turning a blind eye to her transgressions, or living in denial about ourselves, is not the right way. You should let your M understand that rules aren't set by her; even if she makes a mistake unintentionally, she must bear the due consequences. What you should do If your M makes a mistake through carelessness or momentary negligence, definitely give appropriate correction. And explain to her where she did wrong, make sure she understands the reason she's accepting punishment, so she won't feel it's unfair or unreasonable. If she didn't make an obvious mistake through negligence or carelessness, and is honest with you, then punishment may not be needed; you should sit down and discuss it with her, making sure she understands what to do next time. The goal is always to avoid her repeatedly making the same mistake because she ignores the reason for the mistake. Many times you know that because she disappointed you she's already shed tears, and looks as if she's already fully punished herself for the improper behavior, but as stated earlier, when the situation calls for punishment, please carry it out without hesitation. 4. Not challenging her limits — If I had to pick the one most crucial responsibility I think an S bears, I think it would be creating an environment suited for an M to develop submissiveness. To grow in this lifestyle, the best way is to push her toward her limits and expand her domain. In particular, many newcomer female Ms always carry a long list enumerating many interests they lack attempts at, or limits big and small that they simply don't want to try. Many of these limits are due to lack of understanding, confidence, or experience, and a feeling of fear about trying certain activities. Because a Dom/sub relationship is mutual, limits must be respected. An M should never be forced to engage in an activity she has stated is a "limit," but on some limits that can be challenged, the M must be put under pressure to face them. When an M states some limits are soft limits, she's not saying she absolutely won't try this thing under any circumstances. She's only saying this thing shouldn't happen yet, or you should discuss it with her first before it happens. So valuing these soft limits actually helps her grow and transcend her own boundaries more. If an S never encourages her to transcend her limits, she won't grow, or at least won't grow as effectively, and it may even hinder her from discovering her potential. She may become too comfortable with the status quo and refuse to touch things that could help her grow. What you should do Telling your own interests is of course very important, so you must ask her early, but never be satisfied with that lengthy list of desires she gives you. If she isn't even willing to discuss with you the things that make her a little uneasy or afraid to try, perhaps she isn't fully ready to accept this lifestyle yet. She must have a desire to grow and a willingness to try and experience things that will ultimately let her grow. But perhaps more importantly, you must have the willingness to encourage her to try these new things. 5. Setting a bad example Sometimes an M may feel no desire to submit at all; likewise, sometimes an S doesn't want to take the role of dominant. That's human nature, but as a leader, leading such a Dom/sub relationship, you must take up your own responsibility, providing supervision, guidance, training, even if this week's work is so tense and busy, or other things in life are happening that make you feel exhausted. Just as you have expectations and needs of your M, your M also has expectations and needs of you. For example, you should always actively lead. If you fail your responsibility to her, you set a bad example for this relationship. If you can't consistently bear your responsibilities, if you can't keep promises you've made, if you make excuses for yourself, if you only talk the S talk without practicing, your behavior will show what kind of person you are. If you think your M won't notice, you're wrong; if she often feels you don't take your responsibility seriously, she will eventually imitate your behavior too. What you should do Set a good example before your M; don't let other things suspend your responsibility as her S; give this relationship the consistent attention it deserves. 6. Not being invested enough Choosing to work overtime when unnecessary rather than coming home on time for dinner, treating her impatiently when the M has done nothing wrong, or obviously neglecting her — these are all examples of not being invested enough. An M needs to feel her own value. She needs to be assured she is pleasing and useful to her S. She needs, under unchanging discipline, to express her submissive nature by pleasing and serving her master. And doing so, she should win the right to be worthy of your attention, respect, and emotional investment. If neglected, an M cannot feel safe and protected; she may therefore become dissatisfied, unhappy, even depressed. What you should do Even if you have countless work or other chores waiting for you to finish, never neglect your M or this relationship. Carve out fixed time for her — watch a movie together, or allow her to humbly and intoxicatedly stay at your feet. Allow her to please you sensually. She needs your investment. She needs you to teach her what she should do and how she can meet your expectations. More importantly, she needs you not to forget to remind her of her true role — your precious possession.
Many women, when facing SM, always have an instinctive fear. Actually they don't understand that SM plays a very good role in women's maintenance, letting women enter a virtuous cycle both physiologically and psychologically. Especially for women over 30, if they can try accepting SM, it will have effects other maintenance methods cannot, and the results are surprising. I'm 36 this year. In my 5 years of contact with SM, without modesty, not only do my skin and figure — these external things — make many young girls envious, but other aspects that men and women alike value yet find hard to speak of also have delightful effects. Let me tell you slowly: One, from a sexual perspective, training is high-quality sex. Some extreme training methods from an S that suit an M's characteristics gradually remove the prejudices, hypocrisy, and bad habits accumulated over years on a woman that hinder her from fully enjoying heaven-given desire, letting a woman's body, under the rule of nature (her own instincts) and under the S's command, display primitive energy. The pleasure a woman herself tastes in this — I needn't say it; any woman with a little experience understands it in her heart. From a health perspective, high-quality sex, especially a thoroughly satisfying climax, has obvious maintenance effects on a woman's skin. For 5 years, I went from having no climax in sex to now my skin being glossy, translucent, firm, without spots or pimples. Facts prove that after perfect training, walking on the street, I feel the sky is blue, the water clear, the flowers fragrant, body and mind utterly unimpeded. Two, in training, long periods of waiting are often needed; shame and fear of pain keep the body's desire at its peak, like water raised to a mountaintop — poured down, it must have astonishing energy. Many times, during training, when tools were about to be used to abuse my yin, there were situations where it couldn't go in and couldn't be pulled out, water spraying and overflowing everywhere — that scene, for master and for myself, was a tremendous enjoyment. The contractile force of a woman's pelvic muscles is crucial to the quality of sex; under the strong stimulation of training, the pelvic muscles get very good exercise. For women over 30 with childbearing experience, especially normal delivery, weak pelvic muscle contraction is a very common phenomenon, and training can make up for it very well. And in recent years I've kept up lower-body exercise, like sit-ups, hula hooping, belly dancing — these external exercises also stimulate pelvic muscle tension well. Three, in training, a lot of time is spent waiting; real insertion and friction are not much, and insertions are short, efficient insertions, so by comparison, pigmentation is not obvious. Fairly speaking, in these years my sex life, in both frequency and duration, has been below average, while quality has been far above average. Ms generally have strong desire, but I rarely masturbate, because I want to store energy for training. It can be said SM put my body into a virtuous cycle. Four, to keep my body in a perfect state at all times, I not only exercise diligently but also maintain diligently. I take honey products year-round (of course, during SM I also swallow the master's semen or smear it on my face or body — this can regulate endocrine, improve skin tissue structure, make skin smooth and glossy, and has a very good eliminating effect on spots; the key is persistence). This not only keeps my metabolism smooth, but also keeps a fresh body scent. Five, modern urban women often sit long and lack exercise, so they're prone to constipation, waist and belly fat, and muscles lacking elasticity. And enemas commonly used in training can clean the intestines, with a very good effect on treating constipation. Frequent exercise keeps my waist slim and butt lifted, body flexible, and I look spirited in clothes. Six, the main body of this world is a patriarchal society; in the end men dominate, and women's gentleness, obedience, and charm have a tremendous attraction to men. Training in some basic postures in SM has a very good effect on women maintaining good physique, posture, and bearing. Training about obedience lets you get used to speaking and moving gently and kindly, greatly improving your cultivation in speech and conduct, refining your feminine charm in every gesture. Training about desire lets you get used to sexy, soft, charming postures. When you return to normal life, under rational adjustment, these habits will manifest very appropriately. You will be an attractive woman full of femininity. When other women envy and are jealous of you, they don't know you've already mastered these secrets. In your ravaging, there is a different kind of love.
In Li Yinhe's book "The Sadomasochistic Subculture," there are a great many quotations. She quotes Western philosophers, gender scholars, institutions' discussions, reports, data, etc., to support the legitimacy of sadomasochism. Viewing SM from a cultural perspective, your understanding of the sexes will be more comprehensive and profound. Foucault said: Sadomasochism, as a special human inclination, is quite enlightening for understanding the essence of human sexuality and sexual activity, for understanding and building intimate and intense interpersonal relationships, for understanding power relations in social structures, and for understanding general human nature and the human physical and mental condition. In the preface to "The Sadomasochistic Subculture," Li Yinhe quoted this passage from Foucault, clarifying why we should understand sadomasochism, and where its significance and value lie. The two high-level words we see everywhere, "cognition" and "dimension" — translated, they mean: if you want to know what you don't know, you must broaden your horizons. The lowest-cost way is reading the classics. In 2024 we also tried a reading club, completing a collective reading and study of this classic work in one week. Li Yinhe points out: In sexual thought, the two most revolutionary separations are: first, separating sexual pleasure from reproductive behavior; second, separating sexual pleasure and other bodily pleasures from the reproductive organs. Using sadomasochistic activity as evidence, Foucault proposed: the desexualization of pleasure. Sadomasochism has another major philosophical significance: the revelation of the irrational side of human nature. Sadomasochism is an art of living, an art of sex. Foucault's most-quoted saying about sadomasochism is: The concept given to this practice is not as old as the concept of love; it is a widespread cultural phenomenon, precisely speaking, appearing at the end of the 18th century. It caused one of the greatest transformations of the Western imagination: the irrational transformation toward a delirious state of the mind. Foucault believed: sadomasochism is not a sexual perversion, but a cultural phenomenon — the infinite imagination of desire.
White Knight and Black Knight: Two Human Mirrors in a DS Relationship In the diverse spectrum of Dom/Sub, the "White Knight" has always been a fascinating and complex existence. They are not conquerors in the traditional sense, more like a group of guides harboring a desire for redemption. In a relationship, their greatest obsession is not domination, but witnessing and achievement. They long for the partner beside them to, within their mutual bond, repair broken emotions, hone resilience at work, build independent living ability, and ultimately live as a beam of light. To become such a "White Knight," merely having a forceful posture is far from enough. It needs deep social experience as a chassis, thorough life wisdom as a ruler, and stable emotional value is only the minimum threshold for entry. Interestingly, the White Knight attribute has almost nothing to do with gender or age. This is unrelated to acquired cultivation; it is an innate trait deeply rooted in the base color of the soul. In a DS structure, a Dom already bears the role of guiding and regulating; the White Knight's "helpfulness" is precisely the extreme amplification and sublimation of this guiding psychology. The White Knight's double-edged sword: the trap of tenderness and the burden of empathy. From a Sub's perspective, meeting a White Knight is like a blessing from heaven. But reality is far more complex than a fairy tale. A White Knight's nature often carries a "savior" color; this goodwill in an intimate relationship can evolve into invisible pressure. They easily become a "central air conditioner" (warm to everyone). Out of instinctive kindness, when those around them encounter misfortune, they always can't help reaching out a helping hand. If the protagonist is of the opposite sex, this universal love easily triggers a partner's insecurity, while White Knights themselves are often slow to realize, hardly aware that their excessive concern for others is hurting the person closest to them. A deeper hidden danger lies in excessive empathy. White Knights unconsciously amplify every "flaw" on their partner, trying through discipline to polish them into a perfect form. This "for your own good" control may in fact make the Sub bear a heavy psychological shackle. At the same time, deep in a White Knight's heart there is often strong existential anxiety: both hoping the other becomes outstanding because of them, and fearing that once the other becomes strong, they will no longer need their guidance. The Black Knight's shadow side: the breach in humanity under possessiveness. If the White Knight is the positive side of humanity, the Black Knight is the dark opposite projected from it. The Black Knight's core driving force is possession and destruction. They don't care at all about their partner's inner feelings and life state; all means and methods ultimately serve only their own desires. Their logic is often counterintuitive, upholding "as long as I'm happy, it's my world." Although on privacy boundaries, a Black Knight may seem less transgressive, even giving the other space, this seeming "freedom" is often accompanied by a very strong possessiveness. This control has no warmth, but rather deprives the other of subjectivity through various means; once the other tries to resist or awaken, it triggers their destructive defense mechanism. That famous meme online — "got kicked from a scene group chat because hitting people was due to hyper-male syndrome" — is precisely a true profile of the Black Knight personality. When a joke shines into reality, that naked pursuit of power and violence is the most shuddering existence. Contrast and echo: the essence of two relationships. In the end, the White Knight and Black Knight represent two extreme psychological projections in relationships. What the White Knight fears is "being abandoned": fearing that after the Sub becomes better, she will fly out of their control, hence repeatedly pulling between giving and controlling. What the Black Knight fears is "being betrayed": fearing a submissive partner suddenly awakens, breaking a fragile balance, therefore using control to lock the other's freedom. Whether it's the White Knight's redemption dream or the Black Knight's possessiveness, their essence is a psychological need in a relationship. How to find one's true self and healthy boundaries between these two may be the most worthy proposition to probe deeply in a DS relationship
AfterCare is a tender contract for psychological reconstruction in BDSM In BDSM practice, people often focus attention on levels such as the tension of the scene, the exchange of power, and the physical experience. However, after the ropes are untied and the roles stripped away, there is a link crucial to practitioners' physical and mental health, yet often ignored by outsiders: aftercare. Aftercare refers to, after a BDSM scene ends, a series of emotional exchanges and bodily soothing behaviors by the participants (including the dominant and the submissive). It is not simply "taking a rest," but a conscious process of psychological reconstruction. One, what does aftercare include? Before deeply discussing the psychological level, we need to understand the basic composition of aftercare. It usually includes, but is not limited to: · Physical care: replenishing water and sugar, treating minor wounds, covering with a blanket for warmth, massaging sore muscles. · Emotional confirmation: hugging, caressing, talking softly. · Verbal communication: asking about the other's feelings, expressing thanks and affirmation, reviewing the experience in the scene. These seemingly simple behaviors actually build a safer platform for the deep psychological needs to come. Two, why is aftercare crucial? If a BDSM scene is compared to a thrilling "flight performance," then aftercare is a guidance program ensuring a safe "landing." From a psychological level, its necessity is shown in the following aspects: 1. Coping with "spatial sense" and emotional drop In an intense BDSM scene, participants, especially the submissive, may enter a special state of consciousness called "subspace" (submissive space). This is a trance-like feeling similar to hypnosis or extreme pleasure, arising with the release of large amounts of endorphins, dopamine, and adrenaline. When the scene ends, secretion of these chemicals drops sharply; practitioners may instantly fall from a peak into a valley, and body and mind will feel abnormally empty, cold, lonely, even depressed — this is called "drop" in psychology. Therefore aftercare, through continuous physical contact and warm words, prompts the body to again release oxytocin (a hormone related to attachment and trust), thereby smoothly easing the emotional fluctuations brought by the cliff-like fall of chemicals. 2. Stripping roles, rebuilding an equal self In a BDSM scene, the power structure is deliberately amplified. The dominant controls everything, while the submissive gives up control. Although this power exchange has a liberating feeling, it may also bring psychological vulnerability to the submissive. Then aftercare is a process of "de-roling." Through equal hugs and gentle dialogue, both sides confirm to each other: "That was just a role we played; now we're back in real life; we are equal, loving, mutually caring individuals." This is crucial for preventing the power state from permeating daily life and causing relational imbalance. 3. Handling vulnerability and strengthening trust The submissive shows great vulnerability in a scene, whether bodily exposure or emotional surrender. If after it ends, the other turns and leaves or shows indifference, this vulnerability instantly transforms into a traumatic feeling of being used and abandoned. Then gentle care from the dominant is positive "feedback" for the trust the submissive has given. It conveys this message: "I saw your giving, I accepted your vulnerability, I cherish your trust, you are safe now." This psychological strengthening can greatly enhance the intimacy and depth of both sides' relationship. 4. Cognitive reconstruction: transforming experience into positive memory After experiencing high-intensity stimulation, the human brain tries to give this experience some meaning. If aftercare and positive communication are lacking, some pain or humiliation originally acceptable in the scene may afterward be wrongly interpreted by the brain as real harm, thereby triggering the submissive's shame, anxiety, or fear. Therefore, through aftercare communication, the dominant can help the submissive do "cognitive reconstruction." For example, by saying "You bore so much for me just now, you were really great," reconstructing "bearing pain" as "brave giving"; by saying "I like you like that," reconstructing "being humiliated" as "being appreciated." This ensures this experience is classified by the brain as a "positive intimate experience," not a "traumatic experience." 5. The dominant also needs care Many people mistakenly think only the submissive needs aftercare. Actually, the dominant bears huge psychological pressure in a scene: they need to constantly watch safety, control the rhythm, bear full responsibility. After it ends, they may fall into self-doubt: "Was I too much?" "Did I hurt him/her?" Because the dominant also experiences a "peak" process in the process, they will also experience a "fall" afterward. If at this time, positive feedback from the submissive — "I really liked it," "You didn't hurt me," "Thank you for your control" — and other caring words and actions, that will be the greatest psychological soothing for the dominant. It can eliminate the dominant's guilt, and confirm the legitimacy of their behavior, eliminating their psychological burden. Aftercare is not an add-on after BDSM ends; it is its core component. It is a bridge from fantasy back to reality, a ritual for extracting intimate nourishment from extreme experience. At the psychological level, it is a deep empathy and confirmation. Confirming each other's boundaries were not truly violated, confirming that behind pain is love and trust, confirming that after the ultimate play, we still have the tender power to embrace each other. As one practitioner said: "BDSM lets us experience falling, and aftercare ensures that when we land, we land in each other's soft embrace." Whether or not you participate in this game, this concept of giving each other tender confirmation after intense interaction — for any intimate relationship each of us is experiencing, how could it not likewise have reference significance?
The difference between K8 and K9 in the SM scene K9 (comes from the homophone of the English word for dog, Canine), K8 (I'm unlearned, I really don't know the origin) K8s are mostly submissives who can't let go of their self-esteem; they'll miss their master, but rarely say it; they'll use various methods to attract the master's attention, but just won't say it; they won't say what training method they want, and won't say what's making them unhappy in their hearts — it's just "a dead duck's beak is hard" "won't say even if beaten to death." And many more it's because they can't say it out loud; in their hearts there's still a trace of shyness and embarrassment. And K9, compared with K8, just lacks a taming process; they can more easily and quickly accept a new master or new S, letting themselves enter a role of being disciplined and dominated. Actually, when a "submissive" wholeheartedly accepts you and submits to you, whether K8 or K9 doesn't matter. When a K8 can put down her dignity and kneel before you, when a K9 can be more loyal and submit to you, so when you've wholeheartedly captured her, the difference between K8 and K9 is no longer big. Someone also asked: I took in an M or a K8, but she's very disobedient, even very resistant to kneeling and submitting — what's going on? Is she a fake? Personally, I think if an M or K8 doesn't want to kneel before you, there are no more than two reasons: 1. You're still only in her eyes, far from reaching her heart, to the point where she recognizes you, so she won't easily submit to you; 2. You yourself aren't strong enough to handle her, to make her feel a sense of security and comfort, to let down her dignity and defenses, and kneel and submit to you; (deliberately courting death doesn't count) The taming process is the most fascinating, like taming a wild horse — from initially unruly to finally kneeling at your feet — this pride and sense of achievement is not something ordinary people can experience. When finally she can kneel for you, you'll feel gratified and satisfied, feeling a perfect artwork created by your own hands presented before you; you'll feel all your efforts weren't in vain. 1. Cats are domineering, K9s submit: (1) A cat looks very obedient on the surface, but in her heart she's very forceful; once rules are agreed, betrayal is absolutely not allowed. (2) K9 is different; K9 is submission; once a relationship is confirmed, they won't think too much, submission is the main thing. 2. Cats are exclusive, K9s share: (1) A cat most hates its S falling for someone else. Once the S has another pretty cat, this cat will disappear without a trace; even if she cries in a corner, she won't let you see — it's a kind of pride, resolutely leaving. (2) K9 is different; if there are other K9s, they'll go bully them a bit, let the other know who's boss — it's not that they don't accept, but that they don't want to lose their unique position in the S's heart. 3. Cats make trouble, K9s crawl quietly: (1) When her S is doing things, a cat likes to be naughty and make trouble, making her S not know whether to laugh or cry, loving and hating (love > hate), but the purpose of being naughty is to make her S pay attention to her, not forget her, gaining psychological security through this method. (2) A K9 will quietly crawl at the S's feet; even if not paid attention to, just paying attention to and seeing the S herself is enough. Spending a little time paying attention each day is enough. 4. Cats possess, K9s give: (1) A cat has possessiveness; once she says this is mine, she won't allow others to touch it, including toys, tools, etc.; except her S, others must not touch; if touched, she'll bare her fangs and claws at you; (2) K9 can share her things with others, especially the S's friends. So K9 Ms sometimes can accept GT, while K8 absolutely will not accept it. 5. Cats are picky, K9s make do: (1) K8 is very picky; even after recognizing a master, she's still very picky about her environment, food; the time and energy the S spends with her, etc. If dissatisfied, she'll express it through actions, e.g.: arrogance, ignoring, anger, acting coquettishly, etc. (2) K9 is different; once they recognize a master, they'll let the master's thoughts and thinking dominate their own thinking: the hotel's not good, make do. The food's not OK, make do. The tool quality isn't great, make do. 6. Cats are proud, K9s are humble: (1) If a cat is praised, she'll proudly lift herself up and meow a few times, to show she did very well. To be able to get the S's praise — if it's an outsider's praise, the cat will show off a bit; it's the master being honored by the cat, in turn showing the master is even more glorious. (2) K9 is different; K9 will quietly walk away, everything puts the S first; it's that the S trained well. K9 is honored by the master's successful training, in turn showing K9 is honored. So K9 can be taken out to various GT gatherings, while K8 cannot, can only be appreciated at home. 7. Cats show off, K9s are quiet: (1) A cat likes to show off everywhere, to show her existence. On one hand attracting the master's attention, on the other, also attracting others' attention, giving the master a sense of insecurity, so she herself has security; so cats like to wander around. If the S is not in her field of vision, K8 will do her own things, because lacking an S, she still has plenty of interests. If the S leaves her sight for a long time, be careful — the cat's interest may completely transfer. (2) K9 likes quietness; as long as the S is in her field of vision, it's fine. If there's no S, she'll feel uneasy. Until the S reappears in her vision, even if only for a moment, she'll feel safe and happy. So mind control generally works on K9 Ms, and works very poorly on K8. K8 was introduced into play because the gameplay is quite similar, because a so-called "S" is needed. But this S is not there to insult or beat K8, but to tease it. Speaking of teasing, it's like teasing a cat; let me demonstrate a segment for everyone. Person: Little kitty, give S a smile. Cat: Meow~ smiling. Person: Little kitty, come rub against S. Cat: Meow~ starts rubbing with her head. Person: Little kitty, can I touch your breasts? Cat: Meow~ lets S touch, or… Meow~ gives S a slap!!!! Being hit by K8 you cannot hit back, because if a cat scratches you, you can't also use claws to scratch the cat… Why can K8 hit the S? Of course because K8 is not a real M in play; besides, a cat is an animal not completely domesticated, but most K8s tease the S by acting cute and coquettishly.
Men all like female 🐶s — then what do women like? Men always like calling women female 🐶s Actually, women don't really want to be female 🐶s; it's really not like you men think, just a psychological perversion of liking to be a 🐶. Actually, as women, what we like is just some unusual, stimulating sexual experiences. Especially that kind where you can give yourself to someone, a kind of lofty master, letting your body and mind completely relax and throw themselves in, enjoying, on the premise that you actually know you're safe, that feeling of a sexual experience you usually can't enjoy at all. Female 🐶 may be the feeling men think women will like, but that's only a surface appearance. If possible, actually I prefer that feeling of control given by a strong man; sometimes it's hard to explain that feeling clearly, especially hard to explain clearly to men. If I must say it, maybe that feeling of sincerely believing in and worshipping some god is a bit similar.
What is a ruined 🌊 orgasm? "A ruined 🌊 means a person is interrupted before reaching the peak of sexual 🌊, and the 🌊 is ultimately destroyed," says sex educator and Reiki Bondage founder Rev. Rucifer. "A ruined 🌊 usually involves elements of power dynamics and control, which can be explored in kinks," Rucifer says. "Depending on the recipient's explicit desires, there may be sadistic or masochistic components." So, a ruined 🌊 involves several aspects: control, domination, and power. In the hands of someone you like, all aspects of these kinks can become super sexy. Why do people do this? "For many people, the experience of a ruined 🌊 is a fetish; they obtain pleasure and satisfaction from being deprived of pleasure," Rucifer says. They're right — sometimes what people want is exactly a little deprivation. For a Dom, the appeal of a ruined 🌊 may lie in the satisfaction of control. Controlling a sub can be fun and satisfying, especially as there are many ways to achieve it. When ruining someone's 🌊, a Dom can immerse in the power of controlling or humiliating the sub. However, the Dom's motivation is especially important, because they're in charge of the recipient's safety. "For a Dom, the motivation should be to provide an experience that conforms to the recipient's wishes," Rucifer says. "The Dom can feel control over the scenario, and complete mastery over the recipient's pleasure." For a sub, the appeal of a ruined 🌊 is manyfold. "Maybe they want to experience the disappointment or humiliation this experience brings, or they want to fully immerse in the thought that they don't deserve this pleasure," Rucifer says. The greatest appeal of masochism is losing control. Many people are attracted to this, and research shows it's a way to release stress from daily life. Other pleasurable aspects of a ruined 🌊 come from humiliation or potential pain. People like ruined 🌊s for different reasons. Some subs don't like humiliation, but will like the sense of control. Some Doms, to satisfy a sub's desires, provide this caring act for the sub. Since everyone is different, communication is especially important. Are there different kinds? There are completely and partially ruined 🌊s. Completely ruined means completely destroying the recipient's 🌊, that is, the sub is completely unable to 🌊. A partially ruined 🌊 only suppresses the degree of the experience. The recipient may still experience 🌊, but due to the Dom's intervention, the intensity or satisfaction of the 🌊 is reduced. How does it feel? Many people have different answers to this, which is unsurprising, because everyone's body is different. If you haven't tried it and want to know what it feels like for you, here are some common analogies: Someone walks in while you're masturbating Someone calls you while you're watching porn on your phone Your vibrator runs out of power at the peak of 🌊 Think about how you feel in these situations — disappointed, frustrated, but still vaguely accompanied by the feeling the play brings. How to do it? How to achieve it? Here are some examples: Overstimulation. A 🌊 can also be ruined by too much stimulation. Usually, after a person reaches 🌊, her organs become too sensitive to touch again. Continuing non-stop after reaching 🌊 can often ruin the 🌊. Chastity devices. Let a sub wearing a chastity device masturbate, allowing them to receive limited stimulation, but not enough to reach 🌊. Verbal control. Verbal control or humiliation is also a way to ruin a 🌊. A sub who obeys a Dom's commands — the Dom can order them to stop before the 🌊 arrives. This can lead to a partially or completely ruined 🌊. "The dead vibrator." This is a very fun strategy. Rucifer says: "I like to pretend the vibrator is low on power, lead them to 🌊, then quickly lower the vibrator's intensity, making the 🌊 weaken." How is this different from 🌊 edging? "Edging seeks to increase and prolong the experience before pleasure, ultimately ending in reaching 🌊. Whereas a ruined 🌊 seeks to reduce physical pleasure." So in edging, the focus is enjoying and delaying gratification. A ruined 🌊 takes a person to the edge, then stops before they reach 🌊. What 🌊 edging and ruined 🌊s share is power play and 🌊 control. They serve specific kinks, but in different ways. In fact, trying various ways of 🌊 control can let you deeply understand your own kinks for domination or submission. They're also usually easy to integrate into play. In the right hands, all aspects of these kinks can become super sexy. People like ruined 🌊s for various reasons. Everyone is different, so communication is especially important
❤️Daily Little Class❤️ 😋Sharing a little about the scene every day😋 💻Today's share: Must a submissive like pain? [From a female perspective] I am a masochist; I obtain sexual pleasure from pain; this is my inner instinct. I am also a submissive; this is my nature. For me, these two things complement each other. But that is not always the case. A huge misconception is that to be a submissive you must like pain. A masochistic tendency is part of your sexual identity; you either have it or you don't. No one can make you like pain, but if you're willing, you can learn to accept pain for your master's wishes. Doing so does not make you a masochist. Masochists come in all forms. Most are submissives; however, I know several masters who like pain and instruct their submissives to bring them pain in play. Switches usually like both, but that's not always so. I've read about some submissives forcing themselves to play with a master because they think it's part of the submissive role. They don't understand the two are independent existences. Now, accepting pain to please a master is different; as you bear more from your master, it can take you deeper into a submissive state, but this is not required and should not be forced. A masochistic tendency is about pleasure, pure and simple. It has nothing to do with punishment used to reinforce behavior. No one likes being punished, but sometimes, if the dynamic agrees to use punishment, it's a necessary evil. If you're a submissive or learning submission, and you don't like pain or don't think you want pain play, that doesn't mean you're not a submissive. It only means you're not a masochist. There are many roads to submission; you don't have to take that one. There are endless possibilities. First exploring endorphins in pain play I always thought I was a complete coward in the face of pain. My usual reaction to any pain was always "hide in my room and cry until it goes away." Of course… "looking pitiful until someone pities me" has also always been a most fitting and acceptable reaction. Therefore, when I began exploring this lifestyle, my fascination with all painful things was greatly diminished by uncertainty. The idea of being flogged sounded like fun, but so did taking lots of drugs and going to "never go." Not everything that sounds pleasant actually is pleasant (or a good idea). But despite my caution, and no matter how strong my fear, this fascination… the attraction of being someone's (for lack of a better word) "punching bag" far outweighed any hesitation of mine. Imagine my shock and confusion (hey, and excitement) when the flogger first struck my back, and… it didn't hurt. Well, saying it didn't hurt isn't completely accurate. It did hurt, just not in the "run around screaming until it stops" way I expected (like when I dropped a heavy metal pipe on my foot and broke my toe). No, it hurt in a more pleasurable way. When asked to describe being flogged, my standard answer has always been that it's like a massage: it feels very good, extremely relaxing, even "squeezing out" "deeper knots" — pain releases endorphins, making you feel warm and pleasant inside and out. Well, maybe not everyone would describe a flogging experience this way, but that's OK. You know why? Because it's just a difference in interpretation. It doesn't mean I'm a masochist; it just means my experience of these sensations differs from others'. Why I resist the idea of being labeled a masochist so much, I don't know, but I do (and sometimes still do). Maybe it all comes down to the way I've always seen myself as a weak, helpless being. Eventually, as time (and beatings) flew by, as I found myself reacting more and more to various pains, I had to reevaluate my viewpoint. I may be a masochist, but I am not a pain slut. I don't want my flesh opened up, I don't want serious bodily harm — even bruises and marks, though I wear them proudly, don't really excite me. These are certainly things a pain slut would expect and want. Perhaps I spent so long questioning because of definitional confusion. Masochist, though a somewhat daunting term, sounds mild and timid compared with the terrible connotations that come when hearing someone called a pain slut. I still am not completely sure when one term ends and another begins, how they overlap, what each means. I now know, and can openly admit this: I like pain. I like the flogger pushing my body with its striking force. I like the sting of the whip sweeping across my skin (and the sound… oh, the sound of a whip! Almost enough to put me into subspace without a finger (or torment tool) placed on me). A palm slapping heavily on my butt, the starry feeling before my eyes, especially when a particular paddle hits my thigh, the deep feeling along with fingernails digging into my arm. I like all of this; I crave it, need it. Even the things I hate, I like (because I hate them? in spite of that?). Pain has become my drug of choice, and like any addict, when it's been too long since a beating, I experience withdrawal symptoms. So what does that make me? I still don't want any lasting harm, though if I came out of a fight with no marks at all I'd be very disappointed. I still don't want open wounds, though scratches and minor cuts from a knife or whip are the greatest achievement. Every fight (every one) I get opened up at least a little. I want to push myself harder, further, to see how much more I can bear. When it's all over, when my body is exhausted and sore, I'm already thinking — looking forward — to my next session. So am I a pain-loving slut? Yes, I think to some extent I am.
[Self] I am a heavy-taste male Dom with a sex addiction, experienced, who understands respect and mood, and personally cares quite a bit about privacy. Below are my likes and hobbies; I look forward to a person whose soul resonates with mine. All likes are not unchanging; changing for a person I fancy is not embarrassing. [Contrast] The her I look forward to is a goddess who walks past gathering men's gazes, and also a representative of a sex slave. [Bondage] She is a soul bound by life; take off the mask and release the bound fleshly desire. [Humiliation] She is a new woman with proper speech and conduct, and also a cheap slut who can be wantonly denigrated and abused. [Multiple People] She is a sex slave only for my casual use, and also a sex doll (fleshlight) who can accept all three holes fully opened. [Slapping] She is, in her best friend's words, a stunner with delicate skin, and can also be grabbed by the hair and slapped wildly. [Exposure] She is a conservative yet sexy enchantress, and can also be completely naked, displaying her tail in any setting. [S&P] She is a byword for excellence at work, and also a slutty cunt begging as a belt leaps on her jade body. [Crawling] She is a beauty with a hot figure, and also a female 🐶 commanded to obediently submit and crawl on a lead. [Role] She is the ever-changing Sakura who can be desirable and sweet, and also a slutty wife who can be cold, warm, conservative, or dissolute. [Incontinence] She is a pioneer of urban civilization, and also, in the night, a piece of trash who cannot control excretion and is utterly ashamed. [Deep Throat] The her I like is a daughter articulate in discussing likes and dislikes, and can also be an oral device for deep throat. [Forced] The her I like sheds her disguised clothing, and loses herself again and again at the edge of pleasure. [Outdoor] The her I like can calmly face being played with and trained as a sex slave in various environments. [Masturbation Display] The her I like displays her lewdness without reservation, showing a slut to the fullest. [Internal Ejaculation] I look forward to her accepting desire without barriers, letting passion release to the fullest and being irrigated at the peak. [Anal Sex] I look forward to her accepting anal plugs, from tail to anal sex, a squirting warrior in uninhabited outdoor places. [Hair Removal] I look forward to her accepting clearing that black forest, letting the sunken abyss be perfectly displayed. [Imprisonment] I look forward to her accepting chains on her body, sealed in a cage, playing well the role of a female 🐶. [Fisting] I even more look forward to her slowly accepting fisting, her beautiful body accommodating the limit of a fist. [Taboo] Blood / piercing / golden showers / harm — every little 🐶 and kitty should not have to experience darkness to know how to protect themselves.
"Grinding Her Pride into Obedience: The Complete Book of Cat-Sub Training" Her mouth is very sweet, her reactions are very fast, acting coquettishly is like instinct, talking back is like breathing. She loves rubbing against you, and loves talking back; she's used to you pampering her, yet never says "thank you, master"; when you're fierce with her, she pretends to be wronged; when you ignore her, she sticks to you like mad. This is not that you're not good at handling women, but that you've encountered a cat-type submissive — she disobeys not because she doesn't submit to you, but because she's naturally fond of talking back, fond of acting coquettishly, fond of resisting. Once trained she bristles, once ignored she clings, once trained she gets prouder, once pampered she starts flirting with you. But if you can step on her temperament and say "shut up," she will instead blush and quietly squat properly. She is not raised by commands, but built by your habit of stepping on her temperament bit by bit. A cat never is obedient, but it only retracts its claws at the feet of the person it has chosen. And you are not to be her "boyfriend" or "flirting partner," but the man who can truly train her into submission — the "dominant" she is uniquely willing to crawl over to rub against his legs, raise her head and meow, and with tail lifted wait for you to train her. This tutorial is a cat-sub training guide written especially for male Doms. It's not superficial training jokes, nor pure fantasy emotional musings, but a complete, systematic training manual covering the full path from screening → inducement → remote training → real-life training. It doesn't teach you how to "act," only how to truly take control. The book has three parts: ✦ Upper Part · Lure: From chatting to surrender. You will learn how to, through language, step by step dismantle a cat-sub's proud disguise, screen girls suitable for training, induce her to admit "I want to listen to you," and gradually build in words an emotional structure where you call the shots. She is not someone you "got a date with," she is someone you lured over sentence by sentence. ✦ Middle Part · Tame: She acts coquettishly on the other side of the screen, only to wait for your training. You will enter the core period of remote training: chatting, voice, video… the cat-training rules under each form, training speech structures, shame task arrangements, daily dependence building, and dominant rhythm management — all explained thoroughly. She meows because she wants you to control her. She talks back because she's waiting for you to deal with her. ✦ Lower Part · Raise: Her claws are retracted, only to lie at your feet acting coquettishly. This is the comprehensive real-life training chapter. You will learn how, at a first meeting, in daily life, in spatial control and shame behaviors, to turn this originally flighty, untamed cat-sub completely into your foot-side pet. She must listen to training every day and wait for your word before she feels at ease. It's not you playing a role with her, it's you truly "raising her tame." This book is written for men willing to seriously dominate a woman's behavior, language, emotions, and dependence. It's not PUA, not TL (love talk), it's a sustained training — grinding her pride, bit by bit, into obedience. Let her go from "randomly acting coquettishly" every day to "waiting for your training" every day, to only at your feet retracting her claws, raising her head, and saying: "If I haven't been trained by master today I can't sleep." If you want to start training her, start from the next page. She sends messages fast, her tone is clingy, she says she's a cat, and says no one can train her. You've only replied two sentences, and she's already jumped from "calling you brother" to "try being fierce with me." She acts coquettishly, talks back, speaks in a soft voice, flirting with you while also guarding against you. But don't rush to soften, don't rush to flirt back — you must understand: she doesn't want to chat, she's testing whether you dare control her. A cat-type submissive is not the type who will be obedient when she says "OK." The bigger her reactions, the flightier she is, the more she runs her mouth, the more it shows she actually already has an impulse to submit — she just hasn't met a person who can slap down her emotions and tell her to shut up. Her line "You wouldn't know how to treat a cat, would you?" is not a challenge at all, but an invitation: Can you not pamper me, and train me? Can you not tease me, and press me down a bit? Can you truly treat me as a cat, pen me up and raise me? Upper Part: Lure. But if you truly "chat as equals" with her, you've already lost. This book's upper part, "Lure," is not about flirting techniques, not "how to seduce her," nor pretending to be aloof. What you need to learn is how, from a relaxed chat, sentence by sentence to construct her linguistic submission reaction to you, letting her slowly understand: in front of you, her acting coquettishly is not to be "liked," but to be "controlled." You must let her go from "randomly meowing and talking" into "only daring to say what you allow her to say," from "throwing emotions over and you catch them" into "one sentence from you makes her shut up for three hours," from "pretending to be naughty" into the stage of "actively lowering her head, waiting for you to train her a round and then acting coquettishly." Luring is not TL; it's laying out a sense of power. It's you using tone, word order, reaction logic, and a hot-and-cold rhythm to hang her emotional hooks; it's you not lightly pampering her one bit, yet letting her be unable to resist wanting to come close to you and beg for three sentences; it's you not rushing to say who you are, yet letting her first ask: "Can I be your cat?" From this part on, you will get all the strategies needed for the luring path: how to see whether a girl has cat-nature potential, what you should say when she says "I'm very hard to control," how to quickly build in chatting a dependence feeling of "she wants to hear you talk," how to use one or two sentences to press down her testing and make her retract her provocative face, how to, from coquettish, soft-voiced, flighty behavior, import a training structure of "you should learn to obey." What you lure is never her body — it's her heart that can never sit still, whose mouth never obeys, but who only wants to be trained into submission by you. Stop keeping her company meowing; from now on, every sentence she says must first look at your expression. Chapter One: The naughtier and clingier she is with you, the more she's testing whether you really dare train her. Her mouth is very sweet, reactions very fast; she can take the chat rhythm off-track in one sentence; coquettishness and joking are mixed together; while saying "why are you so serious," she deliberately calls you "master" in a soft, limp tone. If you reply a little slower she makes an emotional fuss; if you reply a little faster she innocently sticks to you again. On the surface she's acting coquettishly, actually she's observing you: do you have that aura, that measure, do you dare step on her flighty energy and not indulge it. A cat-type submissive is not the type who immediately squats down when you say "obey"; the livelier she is, the more she talks, the more she actively provokes, the more she actually craves meeting a person who can take in her "speech freedom" and "emotional coquettishness." She meows not to be cute, but to be sure you have a way to respond to this cat. If your tone is too light, she'll push further and fuss; if your tone is steady and a bit cold, she'll instead stick tighter. Her submission is not that as soon as you speak she immediately lowers her head, but that one sentence from you presses her down, you cold-shoulder her for five minutes, you train her with three sentences — only then will her clinginess be fully taken in. What she wants is not equal exchange, nor a cavity of love talk; she wants clear boundaries and a rhythm control of "you call the shots." She's not waiting for you to coax her happy; she's waiting for when you start not indulging her, when you say "don't talk nonsense," when you dare leave her with no steps down for a whole day. She clings to you because she regards you as the person who can train her, press her down, the person before whom she must keep rules — if you catch it wrong, she jumps away; if you step right, she starts waiting for your training every day. You are not waiting for her to become obedient; you're creating for her a linguistic environment where she must restrain, must submit, can act coquettishly but cannot cross the line. A cat is not obedient after one training, but as long as your tone is steady, your rhythm is accurate, and your words have reaction, she will naturally come close, rubbing against the rules you set with her whole body and emotions. From the moment of her first line "Can you control a cat?", you should understand: every joke she says, every meow, every naughty line, behind it she's waiting for you to use one training sentence to pull her back. If you can train her, she starts to retract; if your reaction is cold enough, she won't dare jump; if you step steadily, she will, before you've finished speaking, first lower her head and squat her legs. 1｜Typical chat features of a cat-type female M: superficially active but essentially resistant. She will actively come talk to you, and indeed will cling when you're a bit cold; messages one after another, stickers, coquettish tones, soft words all used; she looks like she especially wants to get close to you. But if because of this you think she's already submitted to you and you can follow her emotions, you'll very soon discover she doesn't actually intend to truly "obey." The most typical feature of a cat-type female M in chatting is: she's willing to get close to you, act coquettishly with you, flirt with you, even actively say some "submission hint" words, but in behavior she absolutely does not easily submit to any instruction of yours. When you speak a bit heavily, she interjects "so fierce"; you train her not to randomly send voice messages, she insists on sending three in a row; you ask her "what are you doing," she doesn't answer and asks back: "What, you want to control me?" She's active, but not to hand over control; it's to maintain her advantage in dominating the emotional rhythm. She gets close to you to mobilize your emotional responses, not truly intending to "listen to you." She can say "I want you to train me," but when you really train her, she immediately laughs and talks back: "Why so fierce, I'm not afraid." Her coquettishness is testing; her provocation is also coquettishness — she wants to be sure you're not here to cooperate with her, but dare to dominate her. Her mouth clings to you, flirts with you, whines calling you to call her little kitty, but when you truly say "be quiet," she immediately pretends not to understand. She's not rejecting you; she's asking you: do you dare press one step further forward and take in her naughtiness? A true cat-sub is that type whose mouth is especially sweet, emotions especially many, clinginess very real, yet who never actively keeps rules. She's willing to let you get close to her, but unwilling to say out loud "you can control her." You want to train her, she instead acts coquettishly to evade; you want to set rules, she uses a whole sentence of nonsense beginning with "humph" to try to dissolve it; you want to close in, she desperately uses voice, stickers, flirtatious provocations to pull you into the water. If you indulge her set, she will never again seriously lower her head to you. A cat-sub's chat state is forever "sticking to you yet running from you, provoking you yet fearing you"; she actually very much wants to be trained, but she won't admit it herself — she waits for you to hear it from her mouth, see it from her behavior, then interrupt her with one sentence and make her shut up. She doesn't submit to you because she's waiting for you to make her submit; she disobeys because she wants to confirm you can make her learn "when to be quiet, when to act coquettishly, when she must shut up." If you argue with her, she laughs and keeps talking back; if you calmly press down with one sentence, she instead falls silent for a second. A cat-sub's submission is never embodied in "following instructions," but in "she's used to you pressing her, training her, telling her off, and then actively getting close to you." So her chatting looks active, actually in her bones it's defensive testing — she's afraid you're too gentle, afraid you have no aura, afraid you follow her through all the processes, and in the end she simply cannot step down to call you "master." You must, at the moment she's clingiest, jumpiest, most "pretending nothing's wrong," press the rhythm and say: "I don't like this tone of yours." She may say you're too fierce, may talk back: "I've always been like this." But as long as you don't retreat, sooner or later she'll say that line — "Then I won't dare anymore." 2｜Don't rush to flirt with her; she's waiting for you to "step on her emotions." She says you're cute, gives you nicknames, sends a string of voice messages with trailing tones, deliberately clings then suddenly goes cold, chats and suddenly asks "Do you really want to train a cat," and the next second asks back: "You're not that kind of overly serious person, are you?" You think she's flirting with you, actually she's testing your reaction. A cat-sub's emotional teasing is never truly stating her intent clearly; she won't directly say "I want you to train me"; she'll say it roundaboutly, hold it in, hiding it behind coquettishness. She treats language as test paper and your replies as results: if you lightly reply "you're so cute," she immediately knows you can't catch her; if you immediately flirt, she also knows you're the side being led. A cat-sub's language is emotional and also tactical; she never first says "I want to submit," but she'll use a string of clingy actions to create an atmosphere of "you should come collect me." If you're impatient and immediately reply with sweet words and play cute with her, you lose — she doesn't want to be made to laugh; she wants to see, when she's acting coquettishly, whether you dare make her shut up with one sentence; she doesn't want you to flirt along, but wants to know whether you have that ability to make her "be trained one sentence and her whole person quiets down." She can actively stick to you because she's still controlling the situation. She meows, she humphs, she talks back — all to make you emotional; as long as you talk a lot, react, follow her rhythm, she knows you're in the temperature she's set. And what you should do is not coax her, not cooperate with her cat act, but seize the timing and step down with one sentence — "Use that tone on me again and I won't answer" "That sentence you just said, you'd best think it through." No need to scold loudly, no need to be gloomy, no need for PUA; as long as you have that skill of "keeping yourself cold, keeping the conversation steady, stepping on the rhythm," she retracts. A cat-sub is not afraid of your heavy tone, but afraid your reaction is too light; not afraid of you training, but afraid you're forever "playing with her." If you truly want to seduce her, you should start teaching her rules while her mouth is still jumping and her meows still calling, not wait until she turns around and says "If you're not fiercer I feel nothing." She doesn't not want to be trained; she just wants to confirm: do you really have that aura, the type that makes her emotions unstable, her tongue harden, yet slowly she herself lowers her head and sticks into your arms. Don't rush to flirt with her; you should make her afraid you'll not answer one sentence, make her next coquettish line have to be tentatively spoken. She's not waiting for you to coax, but waiting for you to step accurately on each of her emotions, then retract steadily, press down firmly, watching her bit by bit go from randomly jumping to an obedient cat. The more she fusses and clings, actually she's only waiting for one sentence from you — "Meowed enough, lie down properly and listen to me." 3｜Resistance = coquettishness = begging for control = pretending she doesn't need control. She talks back to you, rebuts, circles topics, makes small jokes, even repeatedly emphasizes "I'm just this kind of cat, can't be controlled"; you think she's setting boundaries, actually she's expressing a very typical cat-sub need: she craves you to control her, she just won't say it directly, but wraps it with resistance, coquettishness, stubborn mouth, and circling into "don't take it too seriously." While she says you're fierce, she sends voice messages acting coquettishly; while she says she doesn't want to be trained, she always deliberately steps on the lines you set; while she emphasizes "we have no relationship," she actively reports her whereabouts, trying to provoke your training. This is not contradiction, this is cat nature. Cat-type submission is not that kind of role that "directly states a submission need"; she doesn't lower her head, doesn't answer frontally, doesn't easily admit you can control her, but she will do all actions and use all emotions before you to test whether you dare lay hands and mouth on her, dare press her, dare not indulge her. If you believe her "I don't like being restricted," she'll immediately disappointedly withdraw from the conversation; if you steady your tone and instead say "You don't like it? Then don't give me reasons to train you," she will instead follow tighter. A cat-sub's resistance is not refusing discipline, but "hoping you see through her surface of disobedience" and actively set rules for her. Coquettishness is not for intimacy; she's saying "you should collect me"; rebuttal is not for argument; she's asking "do you have the guts to make me shut up with one sentence"; evasion is not avoiding you, but trying with a vague posture to let you understand her waiting. If you take her flightiness as her truly not wanting to submit, you're absurdly wrong; her true submission is hidden in every stay of "still not leaving after a stubborn mouth," hidden in every repetition of "clearly talking back yet not exiting the conversation," hidden in every behavior of "saying she doesn't want you to control her but still sending a meow voice message." You don't need to coax her to say "I know you actually want to obey"; you only need, when she starts meowing, starts acting coquettishly, starts not submitting, to coldly set your tone and say "Your current performance doesn't deserve me continuing to reply." The more you don't give her steps down, the more she wants to climb up and beg you for a sentence; the more you don't treat her naughtiness as fun, the more willing she is to treat "being controlled by you" as a comfortable state. She resists because she knows you'll control her; she acts coquettishly because she wants you to control her quickly; she's stubborn-mouthed because she doesn't dare submit first; she pretends not to need it because she's forcing you to personally take it down, leaving her completely no steps to walk. At this time what you should do is not retreat, not yield, but stand firm in position, letting her herself tense until she can't hold on, hiding that line "I actually really want you to train me" at the corner of her mouth and saying it out with a red face. 4｜The more you don't set boundaries, the less she will submit. She'll meow, act coquettishly, say to you "I really like your gentle type of master," and after you train her one sentence she'll deliberately go cold, even half-truly half-falsely say: "Are you being too serious? We haven't established any relationship." If you listen to it, retract your tone, relax your force, start adjusting along with her comfort, you've completely missed a moment when boundaries should most be set. What a cat-sub is best at is using emotional testing to crush your dominant rhythm — you reply fast, she says you have no aura; you speak lightly, she becomes jumpier; once you indulge her, she immediately pushes further, upgrading from the original "pretending to be cute" to "randomly talking back." She's not unwilling to submit, but she needs a clear sense of boundaries to be able to submit. If you don't actively set them, she'll continuously use naughtiness, evasion, and coquettishness to try to seize the initiative. She doesn't want to control you; she just wants to confirm whether you can really control her. If you don't set boundaries, she'llwrite you off you as just an "emotional trash can who can chat but has no skill to train people"; the gentler you are, the less she'll truly regard you as a dominant; the more you say "It's OK, we can take it slowly," the more she'll treat "you training her" as a performance you just talk about. She says "I'm fine," and you really don't set rules; she says "I don't like people who are too fierce," and you really don't train her; she says "We have no relationship, why do you say it so absolutely," and you really change your words… then next time she won't ask you again "Can you take me in," but will turn her head to find a person who dares step on her more. A cat-sub is not that kind of submissive who can understand your power structure if you reason with her; her submission comes from behavioral restrictions, from linguistic power, from you using a calm, clear, uncompromising way to regulate the boundaries of her speech, behavior, and coquettishness. You say "Don't say this sentence again," she superficially smiles and copes with you, but she'll remember you dare give her lines; you say "You can only continue speaking with my permission," her mouth is unconvinced, but that sentence will circle in her mind all night. Boundaries are not set for her approval; they're something you throw down directly for her to hit against; it's not that she says it's OK and only then you start controlling, but that you controlled, and only then she slowly accepts "everything she says must look at your attitude." The naughtier a cat-sub is, the more she craves someone to set lines for her; the more stubborn-mouthed, the more she needs someone who can, regardless of her reaction, "press to the end." The more you yield, the more presumptuous she is; the more you retreat, the more she jumps; the more you set nothing, the more she keeps nothing. Her mouth doesn't submit to you, actually she's waiting for one sentence from you to make her shut up, waiting for your first hard rule, waiting for you to stop flirting and joking with her, but truly train her until her face is red and she's quiet, kick her tail down, and let her honestly learn — "When master doesn't speak, the cat must not call." 5｜Understand the "provocation traps" and "submission codes" in her speech. She won't directly say "I want to be trained," but she'll repeatedly test you in a naughty tone: "Can you control me?", "A master like you can't train a cat", "I'm very hard to train, you wouldn't be afraid, would you?" On the surface she's acting coquettishly, acting cute, teasing, but actually these words are all traps; if you reply too lightly, too smoothly, too cooperatively, she'll immediately label you in her heart "insufficient aura, only good for chatting." Once you start explaining, softening, soothing, she knows you simply can't train her. You didn't understand the subtext in her words, and you lose the dominant rhythm. There are two kinds of provocation traps: one is open provocation — she says "I don't like being restricted," she says "We have no relationship, why do you control me," she says "You're not that great, you're still a bit short of training me"; at this time if you take a step back, reason about feelings, say you respect her, then you're directly out of this round. What she wants is whether you can not be led away by her reverse words, not pay for the emotional trap she set, but calmly say: "This way you speak, I don't like it." — Step on her, rather than explain her. The other is pseudo-coquettish provocation — she calls you "little brother," "master," "the cat is going to be bullied~", then adds a line in her words "You wouldn't be too gentle, I wouldn't feel anything, right?" She's throwing herself out with coquettishness, while waiting for you to catch her and press back. If you flirt along, in her heart she'll only feel you're soft, you don't dare lock her backhand; if you coldly say "First learn to shut up, then talk about whether to be trained," she'll quiet down and hide that true submission in the next round of topics for you. Then "submission codes." A cat-sub's most typical submission signal in speech is never "I'll listen to you," but "I'm just like this," "I can't change," "I'm very hard to train." If you hear it wrong and think it's refusal, actually she's guiltily saying: "I don't dare change myself, come collect me." The more she says "You don't understand me," the more she's waiting for you to say "I don't need to understand, you just need to listen to me"; the more she emphasizes "I don't like being forced to do things," actually the more she wants to hear you say "Then give me a reason so I don't need to force you"; her mouth says "You have no power," actually she's waiting for your first act of directly setting a rule without talking about power to press down. So do you see clearly? All her "disobedient" lines are waiting for one training sentence from you. Every line she says "You wouldn't, would you" hides "Do you dare"; every line she says "We have no relationship" is forcing you to tell her with behavior "I don't need your permission, I only need you to change"; she says "You can't train me," not to make you retreat, but to make you, against her words, press her down and slap her face. A cat-sub won't clearly state submission, but all her provocations are asking you one question: can you with one sentence make me shut up, then make me willingly lie down, and completely give you this little heart that meows the fiercest. She doesn't not want to be trained; she just doesn't believe you truly dare train her. A cat-sub's clinginess and flightiness are never "as simple as acting coquettishly," but constantly testing whether you are the person who can control her. From actively coming to chat with you, frequently sending messages, to provocations, rhetorical questions, and resistance in words, actually she's not arguing with you, but handing herself out in her emotions, seeing whether you dare catch her, then press her down. This chapter tells you: the more you don't set boundaries, the less she takes it seriously; the more you respond by "coaxing her," the less she recognizes you as the dominant. Conversely, when you dare interrupt her tone, dare step on the brakes of her emotions, dare not go along with her fur, dare directly set rules for her, she instead starts softening, slowly getting used to "you call the shots." Don't take her resistance seriously, and don't take her initiative as throwing herself into your arms. She's only asking in a cat's way: "Will you control me or not?" — If you truly want to train her well, the first step is to go from "reading her testing" to "making her submit so she doesn't dare talk back to a single sentence of yours."
Stop indulging her nonsense — teach her what "you shut up now" means. You think she's chatting with you; in fact she's staging emotional manipulation. What a cat-sub is good at isn't confiding — it's using "talkativeness, fussing, acting spoiled, talking back" to firmly hold the rhythm of the conversation in her own hand. The moment she acts spoiled you turn gentle, the moment she talks back you laugh along, the moment she gets flighty you follow her — of course she grows more and more disobedient. It's not that she's rebellious; it's that you never controlled her at all. To make her recognize you as the dominant, you don't rely on catching her emotions — you rely on "making her shut up" to interrupt her. The more she speaks, the less you should respond; when she tries to carry the atmosphere off course, you must press her down with one sentence. This chapter isn't teaching you how to persuade, but how not to persuade, not to coax, not to respond — how to use a whole structure of "interrupt → cold treatment → strongly pressing statements" to train her meowing into quiet. She's not disobedient; she just never had anyone who dared to make her shut up. Once you can open your mouth that way, she'll start listening to you speak. 1 | How to cut off her flighty inertia in chat, and use speech to force her mouth to a stop. She won't directly say "I want to be scolded," but she'll repeatedly test you in a playful tone: "Can you control me?" "A Dom like you can't train a cat, you know," "I'm very hard to train — aren't you afraid?" On the surface it's acting spoiled, acting cute, teasing — but in fact these words are all traps. If you reply too lightly, too obediently, too cooperatively, she immediately labels you in her heart "aura not enough, only good for chatting." Once you start explaining, softening, comforting, she knows you simply can't train her. You didn't hear the subtext in her words, and you've lost the dominant rhythm. Provocation traps come in two kinds. One is open provocation: she says "I don't like being restricted," she says "We're not in a relationship, why would you control me," she says "You're not that amazing either, you're still a bit short of training me." At this time, if you step back, reason with her feelings, say you respect her, you're out of this round directly. What she wants is whether you can avoid being carried off by her contrary words, not pay for the emotional trap she's set, but calmly say one sentence: "I don't like the way you're speaking." — stepping on her, not explaining her. The other kind is fake-spoiled provocation: she calls you "big brother," "Dommy," "the cat's going to be bullied~," then adds a line, "You wouldn't be too gentle, I wouldn't feel anything, right?" She's throwing herself out with coquetry while waiting for you to catch her and press her back. If you flirt along, she'll only think you're soft, that you don't dare lock her down backhanded; if you coldly say "First learn to shut up, then we'll talk about whether you'll be trained," she'll quiet down and hide that real submission in the next round of the topic for you. Then there's the "submission code." A cat-sub's most typical submission signal in speech is never "I'll listen to you," but "I'm just like this," "I can't change," "I'm very hard to train." You hear it wrong and think it's refusal; in fact it's her guiltily saying: "I don't dare change myself — come take me." The more she says "you don't understand me," the more she's waiting for you to say "I don't need to understand, you just need to listen to me"; the more she emphasizes "I don't like being forced to do things," the more she actually wants to hear you say "Then give me a reason so I don't have to force you"; her mouth says "you have no right," but in fact she's waiting for the first time you don't talk about rights and directly set rules with behavioral pressure. So have you seen it clearly? All her "disobedient" lines are waiting for one scolding sentence from you. Every "you can't, can you?" she says hides a "do you dare?"; every "we're not in a relationship" she says is forcing you to tell her with behavior, "I don't need your permission, I only need you to change"; she says "you can't train me" not to make you retreat, but to make you, against that sentence of hers, press her down and slap her in the face with it. A cat-sub won't state submission plainly, but all her provocations are asking you one question: can you make me shut up with one sentence, then make me willingly lie down and hand this loudest-meowing little heart completely over to you? 2 | Emotional strong-control technique: don't take up her thread — interrupt, cold-treat, cold-command. A cat-sub's greatest skill isn't acting spoiled; it's dragging you into her emotions, pulling you from the dominant into a "chat partner" who goes crazy with her. She's not really talking about anything serious; she's using "emotional speech" to master the conversation's rhythm: cooing on one side, changing the subject on the other, watching how many sentences of hers you can still endure. When she discovers you respond along the whole way, and calmly analyze, reason, coax her, follow her jokes along, she'll completely confirm — you can't control her. To control a cat-sub, the first step is to thoroughly quit the habit of "taking up her thread." The moment you open your mouth to analyze, the moment you try to reason, you've already lost. She meows "oh, I'm just like this," and if you follow with "if you're like this I'll worry," she immediately checks a box in her heart: "this person is easy to lead by rhythm." Her mouth says you control too much; in fact she's just trying to divert attention and evade being scolded. The more you respond, the flightier she gets; the more you reason, the more she talks back; she's not listening, she's just enjoying you running around after her. The key point of strong control isn't how many sentences you say, but whether you dare to interrupt her directly. She's talkative — one direct sentence: "Shut up"; she's acting spoiled — one cold sentence: "I didn't let you say these things"; she's being shameless and clingy — you just coldly reply: "Listen well, now is not the time for you to speak." She'll fall silent at once — not because she's afraid of you, but because this kind of "not responding to her" reaction makes her realize you're completely different from the men she faced when playing around with her. Cold treatment isn't cold violence; it's one of the means. When a cat-sub has already entered "unconscious flighty mode," any response is fuel; the only useful thing is "cold" — letting her drop out of her excitement. Even saying nothing, pausing ten seconds, cutting off the voice message, withdrawing directly, not reading and not replying, will stir up in her heart a vigilance and shame of "why won't he go along with me." She'll start guessing you're angry, test whether you still care, realize she can't control you — her sense of submission is born from this gap of "not being indulged." One level up is the "cold command." Not scolding her, but pressing her directly with short sentences in a low tone, for example: "Kneel properly," "Just shut up," "I didn't ask you," "Speak after you've listened." These statements must be short, accurate, steady — making her, after hearing them, have no way out, not know how to act spoiled, not dare say more nonsense, and only honestly wait for your next sentence by your command. You don't need to shout loudly, and you don't need to rush to scold; as long as you go cold with one sentence without emotion, she herself will panic. It's not that she's not afraid of you controlling her; it's that no one dared to control her at the right points. It's not that she doesn't want to be scolded; it's that she hasn't yet met a tone that dares to scold her until her emotions tremble. And what you must do is not be gentle with her once more, but watch for the timing, step on her rhythm, thoroughly interrupt, go cold, press down — letting her, at that emotional landing point of "finally someone can control me," truly quiet down for the first time. 3 | Three sentences to set rules: "Have you said enough?" "Quiet." "I didn't ask you to talk back." A true Dom-sub feeling doesn't come from you shouting "be obedient" at her; it comes from you daring to directly block her mouth with one sentence. This kind of cat-sub submission — mouth talking back, heart jumping, emotions in chaos — she simply won't quiet herself unless you pull her out of her emotional inertia with one sentence. Her "random talk" isn't loss of control; she's watching whether you can control her, dare to scold her directly, dare to set the rule of "you've said enough." The first sentence: "Have you said enough?" — this is interruption, and also a reminder. She's rambling on, being sarcastic, going around in circles trapping you in her emotions — you just fire this sentence back at her. Don't carry emotion; the tone is cold, the word count small. The more talkative she is, the more panicked she gets hearing this sentence. This sentence isn't reasoning with her; it's using the "dominant's rhythm" to make her realize that what she's saying now, with you — has already been judged invalid. The second sentence: "Quiet." — a command-style cold-treatment word with more of a training flavor and a lower tone than "shut up." This sentence is like fastening a collar: not letting her keep talking back, not letting her act spoiled, not letting her keep fussing, leaving only a gap of "you have to listen to my next sentence." You don't need to say it loudly; the lower, slower, colder it is, the more panicked she becomes. This is a signal of "pressing," implying that whatever you say now, she shouldn't think of resisting. The third sentence: "I didn't ask you to talk back." — this is fundamental suppression of her habitual counterattacks, emotional replies, flighty collisions. The moment she talks back, you immediately press back with this sentence, which is telling her: who calls the shots in this conversation isn't something you fight for; it's something you earn by shutting up. You're not scolding her; you're directly pronouncing that she currently has no "right to express." She won't dare say one more sentence; she can only start getting used to the rhythm of you saying one sentence and her listening to one sentence. These three sentences together are the "dominant language boundary" you set for a cat-sub. Stop going back and forth with her, stop enduring her talkativeness, stop following her speech downward. When you scold her three times in a row with a calm, broken-sentence, pressing tone, she'll begin to treat your words as "the end point of the thread" rather than the starting point of her coquetry. You open your mouth, she shuts hers — this is the real taming moment a cat-sub wants most and fears most. On the surface she's meowing; in her heart she wants to be scolded. Once you steadily fit these three sentences into your exchange rhythm, the cat-sub starts to understand: however good she is at acting spoiled, however good at acting pitiful, she must let you finish speaking first, must wait for you to speak, must close her mouth to have the qualification to be glanced at by you. 4 | Case breakdown: how to establish the first boundary of "you say stop, she must stop" when she's acting spoiled at random. She acts spoiled on one side and talks back randomly on the other; sends voice messages meowing on one side while saying "you can't control me" on the other; draws close to your emotions on one side while trying to break your scolding rhythm with playful words on the other. A cat-sub's coquetry is never to please you; it's to test whether you have the ability to "step on her in the instant she won't rein in." Her purpose is loss of control, and your duty is to block her mouth with one sentence before she loses control. Let's break down the most common scene — a cat-sub "deliberately acting spoiled + randomly flighty" on WeChat or voice: she says: "I didn't do anything wrong, I just want to say a few more sentences~ Are you actually just wanting to control the way I speak? Could it be you can't out-fierce me? Today I'm going to meow until you get annoyed!" Behind this sentence hide three layers of challenge: one is the active talking-back under the packaging of coquetry; two is the intent to circumvent the topic you dominate; three is the implication that you don't dare set rules, afraid she'll "lose control and run." This isn't simple coquetry; it's a "verbal probing game." If you follow her, she'll say more and more, act crazier and crazier; if at this time you cut off the voice, go cold, change the topic, she won't be afraid of you — she'll only think you retreated. The truly effective approach is: one sentence, interrupt directly. For example, reply directly in a cold tone: "Enough, shut up." Or "Don't say one more word now — sit properly and listen to me." Or even more training-flavored: "Acting spoiled isn't about you enjoying it; it's only allowed if I permit you to." In the instant she's still lingering in a giggling state, thinking you don't dare "really scold" her, throwing out this kind of oppressive broken sentence will, like pouring cold water, make her realize: "Oh… I can't mess around anymore, he's serious." On one side her mouth says "why are you like this," on one side her body has already stiffened, on one side the conditioned reflex of "listening to you speak" is established. Going further, it's using the scene to solidify the boundary. For example, you stipulate: when you say "enough," she's not allowed to reply one more sentence; when you say "quiet," she must immediately stop all replies — even if she's in the middle of voice, video, or typing, she must stop. This kind of rule isn't established by you "saying it repeatedly"; it's established by you cutting her off hard the first time, cold-treating her the second time she talks back, and stopping the conversation for three hours the third time she says one extra sentence. She'll exchange your "disappearance" and "ignoring" for her "submission," and slowly she'll know: you say stop, she must stop. It's not that you don't let her be cute; it's that she must be cute within the framework you allow. It's not that you don't let her meow; it's that she must meow when you say "you may meow." You say stop and she must stop — this is the first training boundary for a cat-sub. However sweet her mouth, however soft her voice, however much she talks, once you can catch her emotional circuit with one or two sentences, she'll know from that moment that you're not playing with her, you're teaching her obedience. This is the "first boundary" — not set up by reasoning, but by the moment, when you scold her until she doesn't dare say one more sentence, she starts calling you "Master" in her heart. 5 | Her first submission to your silence is the most critical dominant-establishment point. A cat-sub won't obey because you say a lot; she'll only panic because you suddenly don't speak. She can stay mouth-hard to the end against your scolding, but she can hardly bear those few minutes when you "say nothing at all." You no longer reply to her, don't take up her emotions, don't follow her thread — her rhythm loses control at once. This is the real power of "silent control" — not arguing, not scolding, not roaring, but using cold pressure and non-response to shatter her coquetry framework. One of a cat-sub's core traits is dependence on responses. She's talkative because she wants to control the conversation's rhythm; she's flighty because she wants to verify whether you'll give up control; she deliberately teases you to probe your emotional boundaries. But what she fears most isn't you scolding her — it's you not speaking, not taking up the thread, not even giving an expression. When you cold-treat her, she realizes — you're not playing interaction with her; you're waiting for her to quiet down herself and return the dominant control to you. The first time you stay silent and don't reply, she'll unresignedly keep talking, sending voice messages, typing, acting spoiled, saying soft words; the second time you still ignore her, she starts to panic, starts explaining, starts trying to pull your attention back; the third time you keep silent, and wait until she finally stops talking, then slowly reply with one sentence: "Can you be obedient now?" This sentence — you've won. You didn't win by scolding her; you won by making her "unable to resist opening her mouth to beg you to scold her." Her first time shutting up because of your silence is the start of a real psychological submission. She realizes her nonsense, talking back, cuteness, coquetry — in front of you, all useless; only "listening to you speak" can earn her one reply from you. That emotional cycle of "you reply one sentence, only then does she have a sense of value" is the main-line logic of your training of her. So don't rush to fill up the words. Training a cat-sub isn't about winning her speech; it's about making her stop and think whether a sentence is worth saying, whether she dares say it, whether you let her say it. Your silence is the wall of her speech boundary; the less you speak, the more she realizes every sentence you say carries direction, carries power, carries guidance — not a toy she can disturb with coquetry. Making her learn quiet isn't to make her good; it's to make her wait for your scolding. From this day on, she'll start saying less nonsense in front of you, joking less, watching your tone more, waiting more for you to speak first. She starts closing her mouth not because she's afraid of you, but because she finally recognizes you can control her. This is the first pillar of the sense of dominance: the moment she quiets down is the signal that your dominance truly begins. A cat-sub isn't talkative; she just never met someone who dares to make her shut up with one sentence. All her coquetry, talking back, flightiness, soft pestering — in essence they're not escaping control; they're issuing an invitation of "who dares stop me once." She's meowing, fussing, noisily brushing up her presence, wanting to attract your attention, but even more wanting to be sealed at the mouth by one sentence of yours, pressed in temperament, set with boundaries. The more you keep talking along with her, the more out of control she gets; the more you explain, accommodate, smile and follow her, the more she feels you don't dare really scold, don't dare come on hard, don't dare make her shut up. The more coquetry on her mouth, the stronger the unease in her heart, because she knows — you haven't mastered her yet. Until one day, your one sentence "Quiet," your one sentence "I didn't let you speak," one time of not taking up the thread, one time of not replying, one cold treatment — she suddenly stops, starts to panic, starts to understand — you're a man who dares to say "shut up," and she finally has a reason to want to obey. Training a cat-sub isn't roared out; it's cold-pressed out; it's you saying "stop" and her having to stop, you not speaking and her not daring to say more. From her beginning to submit to your silence, from her first time shutting up just to wait for you to speak, your dominance is established. Don't fear her coquetry, don't fear her meowing, don't fear her saying you're fierce — a cat-sub is by nature not meant to be coaxed; she's meant to be trained. You make her shut up, and only then will she begin to truly "obey."
On the surface she loves to act spoiled — actually she's waiting for you to say "Be obedient, kitty." A cat-sub's coquetry is not loving you; it's provoking you. While saying "I'm the best~" her tone is full of testing; while meowing nonstop, her eyes are full of a challenge: "Do you dare scold me?" This kind of coquetry has never been showing weakness; it's using "soft rebellion" wrapped around an emotional hook, seeing whether you can see through it, grab it back, and with one sentence pull her from her cute-pretending state into a scolding-listening rhythm. If you take up her coquetry, she'll push for more; if you say she's cute, she won't take you seriously. What truly makes her soften is one "Who allowed you to meow?" from you, one "Acting spoiled is not something you can do just by deciding to — it's only when I let you act spoiled that you're qualified." The more she acts spoiled, the more it shows she needs boundaries; the naughtier she is, the more it shows she's waiting for you to scold her once. A cat-sub is not afraid of you cursing her; she's afraid you don't take up her emotions at all, afraid that with one sentence you'll step on all her little cleverness and turn all her deliberate troublemaking coquetry into "a struggle before submission." When you say that sentence "Be obedient, kitty," her mouth still won't submit, but her body has already quieted down, sat up straight, and started getting used to listening to you speak. 1 | What a coquettish cat-sub fears most is "you not being led by her." A cat-sub loves acting spoiled not because she's truly innocent and cute, but because she knows too well this coquetry technique works on ordinary men. She meows once and you laugh; she acts spoiled and you soften; she talks a lot and you chat along — she's tested how many people: as soon as she acts spoiled, someone lets go of dominance, proactively panders, and even thinks she's obeying. She's not acting spoiled; she's leading your emotions. Every meow, every "I'm so good," every "hmph I don't want to" — it looks clingy, but in fact they're all ropes she throws over, wanting to know whether you'll obediently be led by her, like a fool proactively walking into the trap she's set. But what a cat-sub truly fears is not that you don't pamper her; it's that you're not moved by her at all. She meows once and you don't take it up; she acts spoiled and you speak coldly; she wants to circle away from your topic and you pull back to the main line with one "Quiet." She fears most that you don't buy her act, fears you will in turn hold her tight, letting her discover that in front of you, coquetry is only a toy — she uses it to flirt with you, but you can in turn use it to scold her. You don't take up her emotions, and she can only put away her meowing and wait for you to open your mouth; you don't follow her coquettish rhythm, and she has to restrain her naughtiness and become orderly. You are not led, so she must obey — this is a cat-sub's most instinctive submission reaction after her coquetry fails. So don't treat her "cuteness" as a reward anymore; it's your tool for scolding her. Her meowing doesn't mean she's good; only when you don't move does she panic. The calmer you are, the more restless she is; the steadier you are, the more she wants to be struck by that one moment when you get moved emotionally. At this time, with one "Have you acted spoiled enough?", "Done pretending — speak," or "Is this the time for you to act spoiled?" — even if her mouth talks back at you, her heart is already reining in her own tail. A cat-sub acts spoiled not to soften your heart, but to confirm whether you have the ability to make her good. What she fears most is not your refusal, but that you're completely uncontrolled by her. You don't hang on her rope; she can only walk over and quietly kneel in front of you — in that moment, her coquetry truly becomes a posture of "waiting for scolding." 2 | The more you are like a man, the more she is like a cat. A cat-sub never looks at how much you pamper her; she only looks at whether you're enough like a man who can scold her. The more you are like a man, the more she is like a cat; the more dominance you have, the more she automatically switches into a "state of being led by you." As soon as you loosen, she jumps up and takes the high ground; as soon as you are strict, she immediately shrinks into a ball, reining in her tail in front of you, waiting for your next sentence. She's not good because of gentleness; she's good because you have an aura that suppresses that "coquetry instinct" of hers. Your strength is not shown in speaking loudly or exposing emotions; it's that you stand there, not saying a word, and she doesn't dare act wildly casually. A cat-sub's coquetry is not truly needing to be pampered; it needs to be "pressed down and then pampered." The more lukewarm, soft and cooperative you are, the more she feels you're not worthy of being the person above her. A cat is picky about who she acts spoiled to; her mouth clinging to you, meowing at you, licking you doesn't mean she submits to you. What truly makes her submit is when she finishes a meow and you faintly reply: "I didn't let you call out." It's when she circles away from the topic and you pierce it with one glance: "Stop acting spoiled — answer the sentence I just said." It's when her emotions jump chaotically and you coldly face her: "I said, shut up." Her mouth doesn't admit it, but her heart submits. A cat-sub is never afraid of you being strong; she's afraid of you being too soft. The person she most wants to follow is the kind who, even if she is clingier and naughtier, dares with one sentence to make her lie down, make her quiet down, make her feel "If I don't listen to you I'll lose control." The more you set rules, draw boundaries, and fix the position of "who is Dom and who is sub," the more she obeys, depends, and gets emotionally addicted. The more you are like a man, the more she is like a cat — not a wild cat running all over the ground, but a house cat tidied by you into complete submission, only acting spoiled, playing dumb, and making sounds within the range you allow. A true cat-sub won't act spoiled to just anyone; only when you are enough like a "person who can scold her" will she act out that signal of "wanting to be controlled by you." You resemble a man, and only then is she like a cat; if you don't, she'll keep meowing for others to see. 3 | Flirting with her is worse than scolding her: don't praise her as cute; ask her "Who allowed you to meow?" A cat-sub is not won by flirting; she's won by scolding. The more you praise her as cute, the more she treats you as a toy; the sweeter and gentler your mouth is, the more she feels you're only a man who coaxes her, not a master who can press her down and make her obedient. She acts spoiled for you to see not so you'll say "You're so cute" or "So good," but because she wants to hear you scold back: "Who allowed you to meow?" That one sentence is more useful than any flirting words — because she's not waiting for you to approve of her cuteness; she's waiting for you to step on her chaotic emotional running. The more she's like a cat, the more she likes you being like a man who trains cats. It's not accompanying her meowing back and forth; it's that she meows once and you reply: "Shut up." She pretends to be good again and you say, "I didn't say you could act spoiled" — making her instantly fall silent. At first her mouth is hard, she talks back, she doesn't submit, but what truly makes her remember you is that scolding sentence that leaves her unable to get down from the stage — the more you're not controlled by her, the more you can control her. If you want to flirt with her, you lose. If you want to scold her, she submits to you. A cat-sub is the kind where the more you curse her "meowing chaotically again" and pull her from an emotional peak back to reality, the more at ease, obedient and good she becomes instead, like a little thing nestled at your feet. Her mouth says you're fierce, but her body quiets down; her expression is sulky, but her gaze starts to cling to you; she says you don't understand her — actually she's only finally met a man who dares hit back at the provocation on her mouth and dares step her meow-sound into a silence. Stop praising her, coaxing her, flirting with her. A cat-sub is not waiting for a lover; she's waiting for a scolder. The more you can scold "Who let you speak?" the more her heart races, her tone softens, and her tail obediently draws in. You're not to be her boyfriend; you're to be the man who makes her get scolded as soon as she meows in the wrong place. Flirting with her makes her chaotic; scolding her makes her good. 4 | Three kinds of "rebuttal taming grammar": she meows one sentence, you scold one sentence, and she's deflated. A cat-sub's language has hooks. She never resists directly; she uses one sentence after another of coquetry, hard mouth and flightiness to test you, flirt with you, provoke you. She doesn't want to argue; she wants to know whether you have the ability to rebut every "intentional" meow of hers. She speaks not to be understood, but to be controlled. So what truly can make a cat-sub deflate is not you reasoning with her or following her words, but you rebutting sentence by sentence and taming her naughtiness in place. Type One: "She jumps, you step." She says: "I don't want to listen to your commands." You answer: "Then you saying all this — do you want me to be fiercer?" She says: "I didn't say I wasn't good." You reply: "You not speaking at all would be more obedient than now." Every time she jumps with a sentence, you step with a sentence, giving her no room to dodge, turning her "verbal coquetry" into "a struggle exposing obedience." Type Two: "She hides, you nail." She says: "Why do you control so much?" You directly say: "If I don't control you, who do I talk about?" She says: "I'm not yours." You faintly reply: "You saying that sentence — is that a request for confirmation?" She wants to slip away, and you lock the topic and won't let go; she wants to blur it, and you nail her in place, sentence by sentence, to admit defeat. Type Three: "She meows, you scold." She says: "Meow~" You reply: "Who taught you to call out recklessly?" She meows again: "I just want to act spoiled." You take it up: "Learn the rules before acting spoiled." You don't allow her to be casually "cute," because her cuteness is a means, not an attitude. The more precisely you scold, the more real her reaction — her gaze softens, her arrogance vanishes, and she starts gathering her emotions like a real cat, waiting for a sentence of affirmation or punishment from you. A cat-sub's mouth is used to provoke; your mouth is used to scold her back into obedience. She meows a sentence, you scold a sentence; she hides a sentence, you lock a sentence; she makes trouble with a sentence, you step on a sentence. No preaching is needed, no explanation is needed — as long as each sentence is precise, forceful, and counter-suppressing, she'll go from "talking nonstop" to "waiting for you to speak," from "coquetry on top" to "lowering her head waiting for scolding." She's not trying to win against you; she's trying to be "tamed" sentence by sentence by you back onto the track of obedience. As long as your scripts are cold enough, precise enough, and can press her down, however much her mouth talks, she can only draw in her tail and reply in a low voice: "Then how should I be obedient?" 5 | Language structure template for enticing her to say herself "Should I be obedient now?" The highest realm of training a cat-sub is not you saying "Be obedient," but her being unable to hold back asking: "Should I be obedient now?" She's not unwilling to obey; she just refuses to obey first. All her coquetry, hard mouth and repeated testing are trying to force out your dominance — when you scold her, step on her, press her, treat her coldly, and don't follow her, she truly realizes she actually wanted to be controlled by you long ago; her mouth is still struggling. To make a cat-sub proactively admit defeat and open her mouth requesting obedience, you can't directly order her to "Shut up," "Come here," "Be obedient"; you must lay a language trap she falls into herself. This trap has three layers: Layer One: Stop the feedback. When she starts getting flighty, hard-mouthed, going crazy, acting spoiled — don't take it up, don't follow along, don't coax back. You just quietly watch her, interrupt her, or say "Are you done talking?" — let her discover herself there is no one taking her lead, no one cooperating, no one following her play. Layer Two: Cold counter-question. When her emotions start getting uneasy and she realizes you've become "not as pampering as usual," you give her a sentence with a low tone and a pressed ending: "Do you think, with you like this, I'll keep listening to you?" Or harder: "Have you already forgotten what attitude you should have?" At this time her surface is still holding up, but in fact her heart has started to collapse. Layer Three: Entice the landing. When she finally quiets down, is slightly uneasy, and starts self-examining, you add, without moving a muscle, one sentence: "You say yourself — should you be obedient now or not?" As soon as she hesitates, you land the hammer: "I didn't say you could make trouble; it's that you yourself can't control wanting to act spoiled." Finally give her an exit to close: "If you're obedient, say one sentence 'I should be obedient'; otherwise I'll take it that you still want to make trouble." At this time, she is not being ordered by you; she is surrendering herself. Making her say "I should be obedient" is not you forcing her; it's that she can't stretch anymore, can't twist anymore, and before wanting to be affirmed with a "good" from you, she must first admit defeat. This kind of language design is not TL; it is the art of controlling rhythm; it is letting a cat-sub be guided by you step by step in language, from jumping to quiet, from making trouble to submitting, from a hard mouth to opening her mouth requesting scolding. Once you let her taste this "feeling that obedience is something she proactively opens her mouth to exchange for," in the future, however she jumps, she won't jump far — she knows that however she jumps, she can't escape your trap of making her come back in three sentences to request scolding herself. A cat-sub's mouth acting spoiled is not because she wants to act spoiled; it's because she wants to see whether you have the ability to scold her back to quiet. She's not slutty-mouthed; her language hides an emotional test and a dominance probe. She doesn't want to be pampered; she wants to be stepped on by you in her emotions, pressed by your tone, hit back sentence by sentence to a good position. Every meow of hers, every retort, every "I just won't listen to you" is all finding an opportunity for you to prove whether you can be the person who makes her lower her head. The more you yield, the less she submits; the stronger you are, the more at ease she is. You praise her, and she jumps even more; you curse her, and she listens instead. What truly can train a cat-sub into submission is not gentleness, but rebuttal, non-cooperation, and you putting one "I didn't say you could meow" right in front of her tone — making her go from coquetry to silence, from naughtiness to shyness, from testing to obedience. You're not waiting for her to say "Master"; you want to make her say herself, "Should I be obedient now?" Her mouth doesn't acknowledge it, but her heart knows most clearly: the man who can, with one scolding, step on her emotions is the one she wants to lie at the feet of and act spoiled to. The more she's like a meowing cat, the more she longs for you to be like a person who trains cats. You don't need to curse heavily; you just need words that don't circle, sentences that don't follow along, and an attitude that isn't soft. She'll go from a chaotically speaking, chaotically moving cat into a little cat nestling and quietly listening to scolding. As long as you dare to scold, she dares to submit. You scold her mouth into submission, and you also gather her whole heart.
Dom-sub is not her calling you "Master" — it's you making her proactively request scolding. A cat-sub calling you "Master" with her mouth doesn't mean she truly submits to you in her heart. She may be role-playing, saying words she thinks you want to hear, using language to tease your emotions, but she hasn't truly handed over the initiative. Her saying "You are my master" is not as real as her saying one sentence: "Can you scold me now?" Real Dom-sub is not performed by her calling it out; it's you quietly setting down rules and making her admit defeat herself, proactively request scolding, request boundaries, and long for you to speak. The more she loves playing "identity games," the more it shows she has no intention of truly obeying; the more you cooperate in playing "Master," the less she takes you seriously. The truly effective way is for you not to play along with her — don't respond to those superficial "Master," "the Mu family," "meow meow, whose am I" words of hers — but use silence, suppression, a sense of rules and boundary-setting to dismantle, bit by bit, the bluffing in her language. The more you don't respond, the more she panics; the calmer you are, the more she clings; the more you treat every word as an opportunity for obedience training, the more she can't help sliding from the language game toward real belonging. She can call "Master" ten times with her mouth — none of it is as shocking as one "Shut up" from you; she can perform a lot of emotions in text, but in the end, because of one sentence from you, "I have no intention of pampering you; I intend to scold you," she completely quiets down. You don't control her by performing; you control her through every sentence that doesn't accommodate her, doesn't coax her back, and isn't led by her — making her realize: you are not an object she can play Dom-sub games with; you are the man to whom she must seriously request permission, carefully express her attitude, and willingly put away her coquetry. However proud she is, that's how much she longs for you to make her restrain herself; however good she is at playing with language, that's how much she longs for you to pierce her disguise with one sentence; however good she is at teasing with identity, that's how much she wants to be forced by you to shut up, listen to scolding, and proactively ask: "Are you willing to take me?" Her calling you Master doesn't matter — the moment she doesn't dare call you "Master" recklessly is the key moment your scripts truly establish dominance. 1 | She loves playing identity games? You don't play first — wait for her to want a position herself. What a cat-sub is best at is not obedience, but "performing." At the very beginning she'll call you "Master," start speaking with "Meow~," roll around acting spoiled like a little cat, as if she already belongs to you and listens to everything you say. But don't be fooled. That's not obedience; that's an emotional game; it's her testing you: will you be coaxed away by a few soft words and follow along pampering her? Or will you hold steady, see through her TL, and not be moved? You must remember: a cat-sub calling you "Master" doesn't equal her submitting to you; you responding to her with "good kitty" doesn't equal you being able to scold her into submission. Real cat training is never about the "cute words" you call her taking effect — it's when you don't respond to, don't pay attention to, and don't follow along with her "false obedience," that she starts to panic and begins to realize she's only been calling, without being taken. What you must do is not take the bait. She says "Master~ what are you doing?" and you reply, "Are you my cat?" She says "I'm already your meow" and you ask back, "Who took you? What did you do to make me want to take you?" She's playing with emotions; you let her fall into empty air. She's performing coquetry; you stay cold-faced and don't coax. The more she plays with identity, the more you withdraw emotion; the more she says she's yours, the more you, in a steady tone, dismantle her stage — "I don't take those who say they themselves are; I only take those who shut up and obey." Let her know: Dom-sub is not established because she calls you "Master" first; it starts to take effect when one "Now is not the time you get to act spoiled" from you makes her shut up, become good, and proactively ask you to say something. The more you don't play, the more she can't help wanting you to play with her; the more you don't confirm her identity, the more she'll reveal in conversation those small hints of "wanting to be taken by you" — as soon as you turn back, she's sitting properly in the same place, head lowered, waiting for you to speak. At that time, you can truly establish an obedience structure under dominant language. It's not based on her saying "I'm yours"; it's based on you making her unable to say those hypocritical lines, leaving only a real state of wanting to be controlled. It's easy for her mouth to call you "Master"; the hard part is not daring to call out recklessly, having to request permission, and having to listen to scolding. What you want is not her mouth acknowledging you; what you want is her heart knowing that identity is never decided by her — you say what she is, and only then is she that. 2 | Emotional suppression + intimate enticement two-way scripts: don't take her words, yet make her want to be spoken to by you. A cat-sub's language is like a tail, always held high, wagging your attention. She's not afraid of you being fierce, not afraid of you cursing her; she's afraid of you ignoring her, not stepping on her, and letting her emotions fall into empty air. The more you take up every sentence she says, the more happily she jumps; as soon as you're silent, she panics instead. What a cat-sub can least bear is not you scolding her, but you suddenly going quiet, giving no response, giving no direction. However hard her mouth seems and however arrogant her tone, in her heart she wants to hear you say: "Can you be quiet now?" Your words can't be many; they must be precise. It's not accompanying her chatting until her emotions are comfortable; it's interrupting her tone cycle and making her suddenly realize from her coquetry and naughtiness: "You don't buy my act." You don't respond to her "meow meow," you don't play along with the ambiguity in her tone; instead you say: "You saying all this — what result do you want?", "You're very noisy," or simply one word: "Shut up." This is called emotional suppression — it's the technique of pulling every sentence of hers back to the real power structure. But suppression is not enough; there's also enticement. After you scold her, you don't completely drop her and ignore her; you leave a lead: "When you can be obedient, I'll say the next sentence." You must let her know that whether she can obtain your language is the result of her performance, the price of her inability to control her emotions, and also the only motivation for her wanting you to say a few more words to her. You're not engaging in cold violence; you're using the logic of "one sentence from me is something you have to earn" to re-establish the language hierarchy. For example, she sends a string of coquettish messages, and you only reply: "Enough." She continues acting spoiled, twists her tone, says some aggrieved words; you don't take them up; instead you wait for her to stop, then calmly throw out a sentence: "Done talking, then close your mouth." After she quiets down, you slowly add: "The way you are, you really look like a cat that should be scolded." One sentence from you is more effective than ten from her. Pressing down her emotions is the skeleton of dominance; enticing her to want your words is the outline of emotion. Scolding makes her put away her language; enticing makes her long for language. The more you can use a few words to knock her from flightiness back to silence, and can occasionally use one intimate sentence with some pressure to make her lower her head and her heart race, the more she, in the silence after closing that mouth of hers, puts you into the "Master" position deepest in her heart. You don't need to say much; you just need to say it precisely. It's not about responding to every sentence of hers, but deciding whether she can hear every sentence of yours. Her language is abundant because no one has made her shut up; her emotions jump because you haven't given her a reason why she should be stepped down. You with one coldness and one tease, she with one reining-in and one submission. 3 | Set up an "obedience request mechanism": if she doesn't say "obedient," she can't be touched. A cat-sub is not unwilling to be controlled; she was touched too early. As soon as you start, you pamper her; as soon as she meows, you praise her; as soon as she acts spoiled, you pinch her ears and stroke her tail. Over time she simply doesn't feel she needs to earn anything. She knows that as long as her tone changes, her expression softens, and her words are sweet enough, you will naturally give her a reaction. She doesn't need to obey to obtain your intimacy — a cat like this can't be trained into real rules. The first thing you must change is to break this "she acts spoiled and you touch her" cost-free intimate mode and build a clear obedience request mechanism. The simplest standard is: if she doesn't behave, she can't think of being touched. Don't casually feed her gentleness, rewards and reactions anymore; instead explicitly tell her — if you want to be touched, kissed, pampered, hugged, you must first learn to behave, be quiet, request permission, and speak by the rules. She meows wanting you to touch her; you don't lift a hand; instead you stare at her and say, "I'll consider it after you're obedient." Her mouth pouts and she says "No way," and you reply directly: "Then keep rubbing against the floor over there." What she wants is not that one touch, but the scolding, control and permission from you before you touch her. She's not afraid of you being cold; she's afraid that before touching her you'll say, "You're not worthy." This is called value projection. You no longer treat pampering as something to release daily, but as a reward that can be earned — not something exchanged for emotions, but for performance. She suddenly understands: it's not that she meows and you respond; it's that she shut up, waited for you to speak, and requested by the rules, "May I be hugged by you?" — and only then do you raise your hand, hook her chin, and say, "You still remember who makes the decisions." You must let her know that all the intimacy she longs for hangs on the hook of "being obedient." Once she learns that disobedience gets her nothing, and obedience is the password that opens your gentle permission, she'll start proactively restraining herself, adjusting, waiting and requesting. It's not that she doesn't like being touched; it's that she hasn't yet experienced the sense of shame and accomplishment of "only after being scolded into submission by you am I worthy of being touched by you." You turn her from "able to obtain it casually" into "must request it by the rules," and only then will she begin to truly understand what "obedience" is, and what "you touch me once — I had to behave to be worthy of it" is. Dominance is not about touching a lot; it's about making her, every time she's touched by you, feel that it's permitted by you, that she earned it, that it's a grace after you've scolded her into submission. 4 | When she starts learning to say "Then what should I do?", you've won. The turning point of cat training is never her calling you "Master," nor her being willing to call you "Dad"; it's that instant when her tone softens, her gaze lands, she stops talking back, suddenly stops all those naughty words, and softly asks you: "Then what should I do?" That's not a simple request for help — it's the first time she's changed from a jumper into an order-taker, from a cat who controls the conversation into one who requests arrangements. You must understand: this sentence is not forced out by you; it's that, step by step, you didn't follow along with her, didn't play with her, weren't led by the nose by her, and then she discovered herself: you are the person she must listen to, and also wants to listen to. She was never without rules; she just had never met anyone who made her know what rules are. She's not unwilling to be good; she just hadn't met a person who made her feel "being good is sexy." And you must use extremely simple and firm scripts to force her from emotional flightiness into behavior obedience. As soon as she talks chaotically, you only reply: "Are you done talking?" She sends a coquettish sticker; you say coldly: "You posting these — do you want to be praised, or do you want to be scolded?" Her tone twists wanting to be petted; you ask: "Have you been obedient enough today to be worth it?" Round after round, she discovers that no matter how much she says it's useless; she can only rein herself in, lower her head, and ask you: "Then what should I do?" At this time, don't rush to pamper her. Her opening her mouth to ask for guidance is not a signal for you to praise her immediately; it's the time for you to start scolding, set standards, and establish behavior rules. For example, you can reply to her: "First shut up — only after listening to what I say will you know what to do." Or: "The only thing you need to do today is listen." You must use the instant she opens her mouth to request a command to instead build a high-pressure sense of discourse power — it's not that you command and she's willing to listen; it's that she begs you for commands, and you may not give them. This reversal is the most substantial construction of Dom-sub power. She no longer takes self-expression as the main thing; she waits for you to issue orders, waits for your response, waits for you to assign tasks. Her language is no longer "I want…" but "What do you think I should…" She'll start getting used to observing you before expressing herself, requesting you before opening her mouth, and asking before wanting to speak: "May I speak?" At this time, her mouth has "rules of use," and you've truly raised a cat that moves only when she hears you speak, and settles only when she waits for your scolding. You win her not because you scold very hard, but because you make her willing to be scolded by you, open her mouth herself looking for scolding, and even feel that "not being scolded by you is punishment." Before you open your mouth she sits obediently; if you don't open your mouth she doesn't dare act rashly — that's what "you scold, and she leaves her fate to heaven" means. 5 | Breaking down the practical process of enticing her to ask "Am I yours now?" When a cat-sub no longer has a hard mouth and is no longer only provoking with her mouth, but carefully throws out that sentence — "Am I yours now?" — that's not that she wants to hear an answer; it's that she wants to hear you acknowledge her belonging — a psychological surrender point she can't hold back, can't pretend away, can't hide. She has long been used to using coquetry and naughtiness to cover up her desire for obedience, but at a certain stage, she needs you to give her a position, an identity, a boundary. That seemingly offhand "Am I yours now?" hides behind it: she can't hold up the state of not belonging to you anymore. This step is not forced by you; it is enticed by you. You must first use a continuous dominant context to press her emotions down — let her get used to waiting for you to speak, be sensitive to your little cold treatments, and turn "listening to your words" into the only way to obtain your attention. You no longer flirt with her every day and reply to every joke of hers; instead you say little but precisely, and occasionally suddenly ignore her, letting her feel the drop of being ignored by you, then occasionally release a little light soothing: "Be a bit better and I'll come back and pay attention to you," or "Be obedient, and I'll pet you again." These words of "you control her qualification to obtain intimacy" are the prelude to enticing her to open her mouth. Next is behavior enticement. You must set up a structure of "she can only obtain closeness by being obedient," letting her understand: you are not good to everyone — it's not that as soon as she meows you pay attention to her, and it's not that saying a few soft words can occupy your attention. You must let her, after many proactive attempts have no result, go from being full of confidence "I can move you with flirting" to being careful "Can I belong to you?" In specific scripts, you can, after her emotions become good, throw out a vague yet pulling line, like: "You were pretty good today; you almost could have made me take you in." Or: "With your performance, do it three days in a row, and you'll be qualified to be called mine." These words are not about truly establishing a relationship immediately; they're about making her start thinking about a question: do you intend to take her in, and can she count as yours. Next you don't continue; you step back, letting her come chase and ask — this is the key. You no longer express your stance, but she cares more and more whether you treat her as yours, thus step by step forcing out that sentence of hers: "Am I yours now?" And the way you respond must press down one more layer — don't immediately acknowledge, and don't coldly beat it back either; instead pull her tight in a low voice: "You tell me whether you are — it depends on your performance." Or: "For me to nod, you need to show a look that makes me willing to nod." Or, harder: "Not yet, but if you beg truly enough and are scolded smoothly enough, I can make you become so." You don't say "you are," and you don't say "you aren't"; you use the uncertainty of words to create emotional pull — making her go from asking once to being unable to hold back asking a second time. She wants belonging, she longs for identity — and what you must do is make this sentence "Am I yours" into her unbearable point, a behavior switch where she's willing to adjust, submit and listen to scolding in order to obtain one sentence "You are mine." She's not saying that sentence because she wants to hear you agree; she's saying it because she wants, when you don't agree, to feel her own identity anxiety — only you can give her a sense of security, and only you can define her position. You hold the right to speak, and only then does she truly become "yours." In this chapter you've already seen a core transformation: a cat-sub is not about you "taking her in," but about her "wanting it herself." From her proactively teasing, not acknowledging with her mouth, to starting to request you, beg for scolding, and test belonging — in between it is not sweet talk, nor strong control, but you continuously releasing a dominant aura of "if I don't give a response, you get nothing." You must learn not to be eager to establish, not to easily respond, not to follow her rhythm, but at every "meow" of hers use clear boundaries, a restrained attitude, and a half-beat-slower response to entice her to proactively hand over the dominance of her emotions. From "acting spoiled and pushing for more" to "acting spoiled can't win a single sentence from you," she'll slowly realize: only by being good can she get close to you; only by being scolded can she be touched; only by belonging to you can she have a sense of identity. She doesn't say it with her mouth, but in her heart she's actually already starting to anticipate when your next scolding will come. Her talking chaotically is waiting for you to make her shut up; her emotions rising is waiting for one "No speaking now" from you; her circling around is actually circling until she herself asks "Then am I yours now?" Don't fear her pride, don't fear her talking back, don't fear her saying "I don't want to belong so fast" — that's her holding up her last dignity and testing boundaries with you. You must let her know that her acting spoiled doesn't win her a sentence of pampering from you; she has to wait for you to scold her once before she deserves to bounce around lively. This is the true premise of "proactively requesting scolding": it's not that she wanted to be taken from the beginning; it's that you, step by step, made her unable to help wanting to belong to you.
Turn her from talking a mile a minute into "only daring to open her mouth after you scold her once." A cat-sub's mouth is never idle — even if you don't speak, she can put on a show by herself for half an hour. If you ignore her, she meows by herself; as soon as you pay attention, she starts circling, acting spoiled, resisting, clinging, acting naughty, making trouble — the whole world can be her stage. But you must be clear: she's not talkative, she just has no one to scold her into submission. All those voice messages, stickers, sentences, coquetry and jokes of hers are essentially just waiting for you to give the first command that truly makes her "shut up." The freedom of her mouth is not power; it's a sign of a lack of discipline. She talks nonstop because you haven't truly "taken hold of her qualification to speak." If you don't control her, she performs; as soon as you control her, she tries to flee. The more you banter with her, the less she takes you seriously; but with one "Have you said enough" from you, one "Quiet," her heartbeat suddenly speeds up — so she's really about to be scolded. In this chapter, we won't talk about sweetness, flirting or pampering; we'll talk about the redistribution of "speaking rights." Every time she speaks, she must have your tacit permission; if she wants to meow a sentence, she must first make sure you allow her to meow; what she says, how she says it, and when she says it — she must learn "ask first, then express," otherwise it is "speaking in violation of the rules." Real dominance is not accompanying her in talking, but making her learn to shut up — if you don't allow her to open her mouth, she doesn't dare open her mouth; if you don't scold her, she's uncomfortable; as soon as you scold her, she's like having her emotions unlocked, obediently waiting for your next command. You must turn her from "talking a mile a minute" into an obedient state of "only daring to open her mouth after you scold her once" — and this requires reshaping her language habits, building a behavior-permission mechanism, and gradually connecting her inner sense of shame and obedience. She can love to talk — that's fine — but you must let her know that speaking is not her freedom; it's a right you give her. This is the real art of scolding — not making her shut up, but making her unable to open her mouth. Are you ready? Let's begin. 1 | Three-stage guidance: from a "free-speaking cat" to a "permission-based meow reaction." A cat-sub speaks not because she has content, but because her emotions are too full. The more she clings to you, the more she meows nonstop, the more it shows she's restless inside and needs to be "scolded." But if you always let her speak whenever she wants, say whatever she wants, take up everything she says, indulge however she says it — she'll only get noisier and noisier, and treat you more and more as an "audience" rather than a "dominant." To truly control her mouth, you can't rely on blocking, and even less on reasoning; you must guide her from the state of "saying whatever she wants to say" into a permission dependence of "whether I can speak is your decision." Stage One: Break the illusion that "she can speak at any time." You must use language to create a sense of rules: she can't open her mouth casually, she can't recklessly say coquettish words, and she especially can't meow and have you respond immediately. At first she'll talk back and won't submit, but you can't perform along with her; instead use short, oppressive language to interrupt her expression, like: "Shut up, wait until I let you speak." "I didn't allow you to meow." Or simply stay silent three seconds, then say coldly: "You think I'm listening to this from you?" This is not cold violence; it's interrupting her inertia of "verbal occupation," letting her begin to realize: you are not her emotional outlet; you are her behavior manager. Stage Two: Build a "ask before meowing" behavior mechanism. When she starts testing your tone before speaking and observing your reactions, that's a precursor of her entering obedience boundaries. At this time you can set rules, like: "From now on, if you want to speak, first ask me 'May I speak?'" "Before meowing, first call out 'Master, may I say something?'" This seems childish, but in fact it's permission restructuring — from a verbal instinct to a behavioral reaction, from emotional venting to rule obedience. If she doesn't say it, you don't pay attention; if she speaks recklessly, you cold-treat her. This kind of non-response punishment will quickly make her realize that language is also a behavior, and must be controlled. Stage Three: Bind her "speaking rights" with shame and rewards. When she's used to asking before speaking and waiting for your nod within her words, she begins entering a "permission-based meow reaction" state. At this time, you can introduce shame binding — for example if she's too noisy, make her recite three times "I'm a chaotically meowing cat, I must be better"; or set a reward system, like "You didn't say a single chaotic word today, I can pet you once," or stronger: "Only a good cat is worthy of speaking; don't open your mouth, wait for me to scold you." These words both control her and coax her, but the core logic is: speaking is not her right; it's a performance opportunity you allow. What a cat-sub fears most is not that you ignore her, but that you suddenly don't allow her to speak. You must let her experience this limitation of "opening her mouth yet not daring to speak," letting her know: you are the person who can make her shut up, and also the person from whom she most wants to hear "You may speak now." When she learns to treat speaking as a kind of "obedience," her mouth will no longer meow — it will be a good mouth waiting for you to scold it. 2 | Dominant language implanting technique: use "Answer," "Shut up," and "Say it again" to lock her mouth. A cat-sub's mouth is the place that most needs controlling. It's not that she doesn't want to be obedient — it's that you haven't given her a language structure of "how to be obedient." She never speaks on the main line, never waits for your command, never listens to your rhythm; she's always joking when you're serious and playing dumb and acting spoiled when you scold her. What you must do is not play word games with her, but build her a clear framework of "you speak, I speak this way," letting her know: whether her mouth opens, how it opens, how much it opens — all depends on one sentence from you. "Answer" — these two syllables are the marker of the minimum verbal permission you give her. You ask a sentence — "What did you just mean?" "Who was that expression just now for?" — she may still be playing dumb, acting spoiled, turning her head away; you just say: "Answer." No extra words, no explanation, no blame — just one word, pressed down like a command. This word is the first obedience trigger you plant in her language system. In the future, as soon as she hears "Answer," she'll reflexively stop her flightiness, gather her language, and start speaking seriously. "Shut up" — these two words are your most direct suspension of her permission. A cat-sub will cling, act spoiled, and after one scolding sentence from you use five sentences of resistance and a hundred stickers to cover up her shame, but you can't take the bait; you must directly interrupt: "Shut up." Don't make your tone gentle, don't explain, don't coax. You are the dominant; right now she is a noisy pet, not a woman worthy of being coaxed. She may not submit for the moment, but as long as you can steady the rhythm, keep calmly watching, give no feedback, and suppress her verbal space, after a few times she'll realize that "Shut up" means she has lost her speaking stage, and she'll start treasuring the speaking opportunities you give. "Say it again" — these words are the key button for manufacturing shame and obedience in her mouth. Sometimes she'll talk back, say the wrong thing, talk glibly, but you don't need to rebuke her on the spot; just one "Say it again" — she'll immediately realize that what she just said crossed a boundary and stepped on a mine, or that you want her to bear the consequences for that provocation. The beauty of these words is: they let her face her own language again, while also bringing her into a shame-obedience critical point of "do I speak now or not?" You want her to speak and she doesn't — that's disobeying a command; you don't allow her to speak and she wants to speak — that's longing to be scolded. This turns her mouth into the place of your verbal punishment and reward. Use "Answer" to make her speak seriously; use "Shut up" to interrupt her meaningless verbal garbage; use "Say it again" to let her rebuild her mouth's permission order within shame. These three kinds of language are the "mouth collar" the dominant plants on a cat-sub. Once she's used to using these words as the basis for opening her mouth and for silence, her language system will no longer be free voicing, but an extension of your emotional permission. She'll still say a lot of nonsense — that's right — but she'll know in her heart: she fears most your saying "Shut up," loves most your saying "Answer," and is most shamed by your saying "Say it again." 3 | Shame training for a resistant cat-sub: if you don't curse her, she won't be good. A cat-sub's mouth is her organ of resistance, and also her tool of coquetry. She's not waiting for you to follow her troublemaking onward, but waiting for one scolding sentence from you that can make her stop. The naughtier the cat, the more she needs strong verbal control; the more resistant the obedience, the more she longs for one curse from you, letting her know she's not performing but being "tamed." She talks glibly not because she's confident, but because she's not being scolded; she talks back, retorts and gets flighty not because she's strong, but because you didn't make her shut up. That bit of resistance on her mouth is actually emotional accumulation — it's her anticipating one "Shut up" from you, one "What did you just say?", one "With such a slutty mouth, you still dare talk back to me?" to set limits for her, lay down rules, and lower her emotions. If you don't curse her, she'll keep performing "cute," "coquetry" and "disobedience" as a game; as soon as you curse her, she realizes: she's not playing now, she's being "controlled" by you. Scolding is not about scaring her; it's about receiving for her that emotion of even herself getting annoyed from talking too much. Many cat-subs, after a round of their mouths talking a mile a minute, actually start in their hearts to feel shy, to get restless, to want to find a reason to shut up. At this time, if you take up all her jokes, she'll perform and lose control at the same time; but if you say one "Enough," or directly coldly say, "You really use those few words of yours as a weapon?" — she'll immediately drop from excitement into shame, from coquetry into obedience — this is the effect of scolding. The key is: scold precisely, scold hard, scold her right at the moment she wants to quiet down but can't. Don't drag it out, don't be soft, don't wait until her emotions overflow to handle it. As soon as she starts getting flighty, you press straight back; when she talks a lot, you say one sentence: "Is your mouth moving right now, or is your brain moving?" When she tests and provokes in her tone, you sneer once: "So today you were this noisy because you wanted to be scolded." What a cat-sub wants isn't some "understanding her," but that you can "scold her." You treat her mouth as a battlefield, and she'll treat you as home ground. The calmer you are, the more chaotic she is; the harder, more precise and faster you are, the shyer and better she is. Language is not conversation; it is manipulation. However hard her mouth is, when she hears you curse "Slutty cat, shut up," her tail will also involuntarily curl up. You don't need to curse very coarsely, but you must curse so she doesn't dare speak again. You must let her know — whether she can open her mouth can be decided by one scolding sentence of yours. 4 | Script models for "scolding her into obedience" in daily contexts (good morning / noon / evening / late night). A cat-sub's mouth being restless is not only during the 🌊 period when her emotions are intense; it's also that in the state of habitually "opening her mouth casually" in daily plain chat she continuously weakens her obedience boundaries. For you to truly tame her language habits, it's not by occasionally scolding her once when she goes crazy, but by starting from the basic communication of every day, using a fixed script rhythm, speaking-permission reminders and scolding prompts, molding her speaking behavior bit by bit into an obedient reaction of "only daring to speak with your permission." Good morning stage: she's just woken, her consciousness is fuzzy, her emotions haven't risen — just the right time to implant an obedience context. Don't just say "Morning"; you must say: "Before you open your eyes, shouldn't you say 'Good morning, Master'?" Or: "Do you want to say more today? It depends on whether I let you speak." Even more directly: "Before opening your mouth, wait for me to speak first." Let her know, from the moment she opens her eyes, that her words today are permitted by you. Noon stage: her emotions are active and she has the most idle chat — it's the key period for you to train "don't talk so much." You can coldly remind her before she sends a voice-message bombardment: "Have you said enough?" Or when she starts talking too much and too flightily, directly press down: "This is your lunch break now, not time to go crazy." Or more precisely: "Say one more sentence and you won't eat lunch." Let her know that talking a lot will be punished. Evening stage: she'll become clingy and want to act spoiled, but also most easily start emotional flooding. You don't need to accompany and pamper her; when she wants to chat, you must say first: "Did you follow the rules when speaking today? If it's still like the daytime, shut up for ten minutes first." Or: "Don't start throwing a tantrum as soon as it's evening — let me speak first, you talk after listening." You can even set a scolding point: "It's nine in the evening now. From this moment on, every time you open your mouth, it must go through my permission." This isn't restricting her communication; it's training her to proactively wait. Late night stage: a time when shame and obedience coexist. You can ask her softly but strongly: "Can't meow anymore? Or don't you dare call out recklessly anymore?" Or directly command: "Tonight, apart from answering me, you may not send a single word." Further: "Now you can only send content within three characters; more than one punctuation mark counts as a violation." This kind of restrictive language rule will let her enter a "verbal shame state" — the more she can't speak, the more she wants to speak, and the more you can control her. Scolding is not one sentence "Stop talking"; it is a continuous language-environment shaping. You must, like designing a script, turn "good morning — noon — evening — late night" all into gradients of speaking permission, using different scolding sentence patterns and different reaction rhythms, letting her, before speaking every day, first think about whether you allow her to speak. Over time, she'll change from "saying whatever she wants to say" into a state of "only daring to open her mouth after you scold her once." You can insert a scolding when she says "good morning," you can quietly, offhandedly close her permission when she sends voice messages, you can coldly say one "Shut up" when she talks recklessly — then she's already no longer in a free state: her language is being controlled by you. 5 | The sentence she likes most when you scold her is the proof that she most wants to become good. A cat-sub's mouth is always "not submitting," but the softest place in her heart is precisely that sentence spoken by you as you scolded her, cursed her, and stepped on her emotions. She'll stubbornly talk back "Why are you being so fierce," yet after hanging up the voice call she'll silently replay the few seconds of your cold words scolding her. She'll reply half-coquettishly, half-resisting "Why do you order me like this," yet while typing she'll clamp her legs, her face red, her tone trembling. Don't be deceived by her reactions — she's not uncontrolled; she's just not yet been scolded into place. In every cat-sub's heart there is that one sentence — "the sentence she was scolded by you into wanting to submit." Maybe it's one "Enough, shut up" from you, and instantly she doesn't dare respond, pretending nothing's wrong and continuing to wriggle around; maybe it's one "What are you meowing about? Who allowed you to call out?" from you, her fur bristling on the surface while her heart goes limp; or it's one "Are you talking to me right now, or are you acting wild?" from you — her expression unsubmitting, but she no longer dares jump out and post recklessly. A cat-sub's shame is not something you give her; it is generated by herself in the moment you scold her. As soon as her mouth stops, her heartbeat goes wild; with one suppression from you, she immediately wants to coquettishly surrender. Her sentence "I didn't say anything wrong" is actually "Can you scold me once more?"; her sentence "You're really so fierce" is actually "I'm already wet"; her sentence "Why are you ignoring me" is actually "I want you to scold me once more." What you should do is not try to "persuade her to be good," but precisely find that "emotional master sentence" of hers — the one she was scolded by you into submitting, cursed into shame, and hears and wants to be good. Everyone is different: some cats fear your coldness, some fear you speaking word by word, some fear you slowly reciting her mistakes. You must try, must say it repeatedly, scold repeatedly, letting that resistant heart of hers be scolded by "this sentence" until a crack forms — from then on, she can never leave the tone of your cursing her. You'll find: the moment she talks most in a whole day is precisely when she most wants to hear you say "Stop making noise"; her most jumpy and troubled emotional explosion point is precisely the critical point where she most longs for one "Shut up" from you; when her mouth is most disobedient, that's actually when she's waiting for you to say that "scolding sentence she fears most yet most wants to hear." If you don't scold her, she'll forever be only an articulate cat spirit; once you scold her, she becomes that little cat at your feet, opening her mouth wanting you to speak. She's not slutty-mouthed; she wants you to control her. She doesn't love making trouble; she hopes you'll scold her. You ask her: "Which sentence of mine do you like most?" On the surface she smiles and doesn't answer, but her heart already has the answer. What you must do is turn that sentence into the sentence you say to her most often. The one sentence she likes most when you scold her is the moment she most wants to become good. A cat-sub is not unable to speak; she's too good at speaking. Every coquetry, naughtiness and retort of hers is, on the surface, free expression, but in fact all are confirming whether you can control her qualification to speak. She talks a lot not because she wants to express, but because no one has regulated for her "when she can speak, and how she should speak." Once you interrupt her with scolding, stop her with cold words, and frame the freedom of her mouth with rules, that wildly-jumping heart of hers can finally quiet down — to wait for you to open your mouth. In this chapter, we start from daily language taming: from good morning to late night, from idle chat to coquetry, using a clear tone, a fixed script rhythm and a consistent voicing mechanism, tightening her originally unbridled state of speech bit by bit, gathering it into obedient expression under your permission. From "she says whatever she wants to say" to "she only dares to wait for you to scold her once before speaking," it's not by oppression, but by structure, by boundaries, by your being beyond question. When she's at her best is not when you praise her "so obedient," but when with one "Did I let you speak?" from you she immediately shuts up, yet her eyes light up. Her mouth resists, her words retort, her tone is frivolous — in fact all are waiting for you to "scold her back into her cage." What she wants is a master who makes her not dare to speak recklessly yet who makes her shamefully long for you to open your mouth and scold her — not a person who fights a war of emotional attrition with her by tying, voice, typing. From this chapter on, you are the controller of her speaking permission: you scold, only then does she speak; you don't scold, she holds it in; with one sentence from you, the emotions all over her body quiet down, waiting for you to continue. Training a cat is not making her obedient; it's making her only able to listen to your words.
Establishing a Dom-sub relationship is not a process — it is the moment she can't help begging you to take her. A real Dom-sub relationship is not established by a contract, a promise, or whoever first said "you are my master." A cat-sub's character — sharp-tongued but soft-hearted, coquettish and chattery, resistant to obedience — determines that she won't easily "acknowledge a master." But precisely because of that, once she proactively opens her mouth and asks you, "Can you scold me?" it means she can't hold on anymore. Not that you crushed her into submission, but that after being enticed, trained, held and controlled by you, in shame, dependence and emotional compression she finally admits — she wants to belong to you. You don't need to force her to "say something nice," nor be anxious about when she'll "acknowledge you." Truly effective cat training is to let her, while stubbornly saying "you're nobody to me," be unable to control herself from listening to your scolding, watching your reactions, begging you to speak, asking your boundaries. She won't proactively say "you are my master," but she won't be able to help wanting to be "the cat who listens to your scolding." What this chapter will teach you is not process-style standard phrases for establishing a relationship, but how, through the three-step advance of "daily scolding → emotional control → obedience enticement," to gradually tame her from a "naughty cat who can talk recklessly" into a "little cat willing to proactively ask for scolding." Her heart is not something you go and take; it is something she brings to you in both hands, saying, "May I give myself to you?" She'll pretend with her mouth that she feels nothing, while secretly marking every scolding sentence you say; she'll pretend she doesn't need you to control her, while breaking down emotionally when you cold-treat her; she'll jump around refusing to admit defeat, yet when you don't speak, she'll start reflecting at her phone screen. She doesn't hand herself over with her mouth, but her reactions betrayed her long ago. The goal of this chapter is not to establish an "identity," but to create that moment when she can't help breaking down — you just need to say your words right, hit the tone right, and stand the rules firm, and the cat-sub will come find you herself: "Should I be obedient now?" In that moment, without you announcing anything, she already belongs to you. 1 | Guide her from a "playful state" into a "psychological belonging" framework. A cat-sub's daily state is, on the surface, always playful: she meows at you, talks back chaotically, drags the conversation in a flighty direction sentence by sentence. She calls it coquetry, but she's actually continuously testing whether you have the ability to "scold her, receive her, steady her." She won't directly say "I want to acknowledge you as my master"; instead she'll approach you with all kinds of "improper" methods, acting like a cat and playing dumb, joking with her mouth "you're not my dad," but in her heart she's treating you as a subject of evaluation. Whether you can tame her, scold her into motion, scold her steadily — she'll know after testing a few rounds. And the real key that makes her go from "playing" to "belonging" is not what "ritualistic" phrases you said, but whether, when she's jumpiest and most excessive, you can use one sentence to quiet her down, one action to make her realize: "You have the ability to rein me in." She doesn't confirm a relationship through promises, but through that instant when "you can interrupt her bouncing" — she suddenly quiets, suddenly blushes, suddenly can't react, then her heartbeat loses control and she realizes she already cares about your opinion — this is the beginning of psychological belonging. You must be clear: a cat-sub won't really hand herself over just because you say "you are mine," but because of one sentence from you, "Quiet, I didn't let you speak," in the instant of reacting she suddenly subconsciously stops — that stop is the starting point of her obedience. It's not that you demand she submit; it's that she "discovers herself that you can make her submit." To bring her from a "chat state" into a "psychological belonging" state, what you need to do is not say more nice words, but three things: First, establish "being scolded by you is her daily life." Cat-subs like repetitive tones and fixed scolding rhythms; today she talks back with her mouth, tomorrow she still wants you to press back with the same tone. When scolding becomes part of her emotional cycle, she'll shift your position from "chat partner" to "the man who controls her tone and affects her state." Second, create a cycle of "after she obeys, you give her a response." She's not disobedient — she's afraid that after obeying no one will pay attention. When she quiets down and admits a "fine," even if it's just a simple "that's better, be good like this," or you quietly leave her there, let her know that you know she's obedient, and that her submitting to you has meaning. She doesn't want to be pampered by you; she wants to be "scolded into being pampered." Third, continuously control her rhythm, don't be led away by her. If as soon as she makes trouble you play with her, as soon as she jumps you take up her words, she'll understand in her heart that you have no dominance. But if you can step on her emotions and make her shift from grinning to a restrained gaze, you are the one she says "I listen to no one, only to you." From playing to belonging is not a love line — it is a psychological progression: when you scold her she doesn't dare move, when you don't scold her she waits anxiously, and with one sentence from you she becomes good. A cat-sub won't tell you "I want to belong to you," but she'll tell you with repeated naughtiness, repeated testing and repeated approaching: I'm just waiting for you to scold me once and make me not dare to run. 2 | Establishing a power structure is not making an agreement — it's making her open her mouth herself and ask, "Can you scold me?" The more you want a cat-sub to acknowledge you as master, the less she'll open her mouth; the less anxious you are for her to acknowledge you, only focusing on controlling her, scolding her, and stepping on her rhythm, the more she'll say the sentence you want to hear herself — "Can you scold me?" This is not her compromise; it's that she's finally found the person qualified to scold her. A cat-sub's obedience never comes from negotiation. What she wants is not "let's sign a Dom-sub agreement," but after she's stubbornly retorted and meowed coquettishly and naughtily gone out of bounds countless times, you again and again press her language down, cut off her rhythm, and gather her emotions into the boundaries you set. Until she realizes: it's not whether she's willing or not — she simply can't control herself wanting to be scolded by you. She can meow coquettishly to anyone, but only in front of you will she say, "Can you… scold me a bit." This isn't that you won her; it's that on you she sees the five emotional structures she needs but can't manage herself: boundaries, rules, dominance, receiving, and response. She was actually, from the very beginning, looking for a man who can scold her, curse her, step on her emotions yet not give up on her — and with one "Shut up," one "Stop" from you, she knows — she's found him. What you need to do is not press her about "whether to confirm the relationship," but every time she gets flighty, steadily say, "I didn't let you speak." When she talks glibly, say coldly, "What are you acting spoiled about?" When she tries to change the topic, stare at her and interrupt: "Get to the point." When these words accumulate into her psychological cycle, she'll no longer treat you as an object she can mess around with casually, but start carefully testing: "Do you dislike how I just spoke?" "Should I listen to your scolding?" At that time, don't be quick to take up her words. Calmly look at her for a few seconds, and slowly say: "Shouldn't you ask whether you can be scolded by me?" As soon as you throw this sentence out, she'll either flee in shame and anger, her heart in chaos; or she'll be silent for a few seconds and reply in a low voice: "Go ahead, scold me." This isn't that she's afraid of you; it's that she finally wants to submit to you. The real establishment of a Dom-sub relationship is not your announcement, but her being unable to hold back and coming to ask you — "Should I listen to you now?" In that moment, her mouth is speaking a request, and her heart is handing over authority. And you don't need to give her a ritual; you only need, after she finishes speaking, to slowly reply: "If you want to be obedient, I'll scold you." 3 | Use "one scolding a day" to cultivate an emotionally dependent obedience cycle. A cat-sub's mouth is never restless. Even if she submits to you today, lowers her head, and sends "Should I be obedient now?", tomorrow she'll still meow coquettishly, circle around topics, and naughtily try to escape the framework you set. She's not being disobedient — her emotions are clingy and flighty, and she instinctively longs for you to "scold her anew once" every day, to steady that soft, insecure heart of hers. If you truly want to establish dominance, you can't stop after she's submitted once; you must turn "scolding her" into a rhythm, a ritual, a cycle. It's not about scolding hard, or scolding much, but once a day — even one sentence — you must let her know, "Whether you were obedient today is something you have to account for to me." The core of this "one scolding a day" is not violent suppression or fierce oppression, but the following three levels of emotional control rhythm — Stage One: Verbal intervention rhythm. For example, the first sentence on getting up in the morning: "Have you meowed enough?" "Done talking — time to listen to my scolding, right?" Or in the evening: "Were you good today? Don't beat around the bush — get to the point." Your language must have a presence; it must interrupt her originally casual rhythm and create a psychological inertia of "she needs to wait for you to speak before she can settle down." What a cat-sub looks forward to most each day is not free expression, but one sentence from you: "Come here, shut up, listen to your scolding." Stage Two: Verbal rhythm repetition. Cat-subs have an extremely strong emotional-memory dependence on "predictable dominant language" — she talks back with her mouth saying "here you go again," but psychologically she feels stable precisely because you said that familiar sentence. For example, that daily sentence "Have you said enough?" "Do you want me to control you a bit?" — as you repeat it, she resists, but in her heart she gradually becomes addicted because of familiarity, repetition and rhythm. Stage Three: Obedience state tracking feedback. Scolding is not one-way output; it is a feedback cycle. For example, after you scold her with "Did you hear me clearly?" — if she doesn't respond, add, "Why don't you dare answer now?" If she replies instantly "I heard," follow up with, "Be better with your mouth today." Turn scolding into a process where she must respond, must obey, must enter the "being scolded state." If there's a day when she isn't scolded by you once, she'll start becoming emotionally restless, acting spoiled inexplicably, saying opposite things angling for a beating — she's not making trouble; she's reminding you, "You haven't scolded me today yet." When you make her wait every day for one scolding sentence from you, and even panic, get restless, proactively send messages looking to be controlled because you didn't scold her, that's the sign you've established her emotionally dependent obedience cycle. She says with her mouth you're annoying, but her heart is looking forward; she says you love scolding people, but actually it's that she leans on that scolding sentence of yours to steady herself. Cat training is not a matter of one day, but if you can do one sentence a day, making her must respond, must obey, must submit to your tone, then you've already planted the most core control mechanism in her heart — her emotions every day wait for you to call her name, and her obedience every day only comes online after your scolding. 4 | Analysis of the moment she says "Actually I like you making the decisions." However much a cat-sub talks back at you with her mouth, there is always a moment in her heart when she suddenly softens. She may not directly say "I submit," but she'll lightly, tentatively throw out a sentence: "Actually I… also quite like you making the decisions." This sentence is not something she says casually; it is a soft surrender signal after her psychological defense line wavers, her emotional attachment is established, and her inner shame and desire intersect. If you don't understand the structure behind this sentence, you'll easily miss the key timing when she hands over sovereignty. This sentence "I like you making the decisions" hides three layers of subtext. The first layer is "I don't want to dominate the conversation anymore." A cat-sub in the early phase always meows nonstop, proactively starts conversations and creates a sense of rhythm — actually because she has no sense of dominance in her heart and needs to maintain her existence by talking. But when she truly meets a dominant who can block her mouth and steady her rhythm, she'll start longing for "someone to decide for her," to help her control her chaotic emotions. So the first meaning of this sentence is: "I don't want to decide how to chat anymore; I want you to control it." The second layer is "I hope you have an absolute attitude toward me." What a cat-sub fears most is that you don't control her; she fears even more that you're hot and cold. When she says "you make the decisions," she doesn't want you to be gentle and considerate, but hopes you can say without leaving any leeway: "Shut up now," "Wear a skirt," "Reply to my message kneeling." What she longs for is a clear, strong, non-negotiable attitude. When she says "I like you making the decisions," she's actually saying: "Do you dare to really control me to the end?" The third layer is "I'm showing weakness, but I don't dare directly admit defeat." A cat-sub's character determines she can never, like an obedient-type M, directly say "Master, I'm willing"; what she says is more like roundabout coquetry, a tsundere admission. With this sentence, she's actually testing: "If I give you power, will you catch it? Will you really control me to the end? Will you find me annoying and think I'm difficult?" So she needs you to catch it steadily, and respond without playing with her, without teasing her, without being frivolous. How you reply decides whether she'll go from "emotional attachment" into "psychological belonging." The worst response is: "You seem pretty good." — too light, like flirting; she'll immediately retreat into her shell. The emptiest response is: "Really?" — it makes you seem indecisive; she'll be disappointed. The most effective response is one of three expressions with a steady tone and hammer-meaning: 1) "Then it's right that you like it — from now on, listen to my arrangements." 2) "Then from now on you don't need to think much — what I say, you do." 3) "From now on, your mouth, your behavior, your attitude, your rhythm — all decided by me." You don't need her to say another sentence of agreement; as long as you can catch this soft showing of weakness and smoothly press down along it, her sense of obedience will completely take shape. Afterwards she may still jump, meow, and be sharp-tongued, but she already has psychological confirmation: she wants to listen to you, you make the decisions, and the one she submits to is you. 5 | Three "proactively requesting scolding" sentence pattern setting exercises — let her open her mouth and bite out the right to emotional control. The real establishment of Dom-sub is not in how you scold her, but in whether she can proactively request scolding. And "proactive" doesn't mean she must say "Please scold me" in a proper tone, but that she naturally throws out, in her words, her coquetry, her resistance, those emotional signals asking you to control her, guide her, dominate her. The key of this section is how you preset scenes and response structures so she falls herself into the emotional mode of "I'm waiting for you to scold me," rather than you pressing on her again and again. Below are three efficient enticement paths for "proactively requesting scolding" sentence patterns. You don't need to force her to say it; as long as you can use the method of "talk layup + behavior response," she'll slowly learn: opening her mouth to request scolding is not shame — it's peace of mind. Type One: Coquettish requesting-scolding. Keywords: soft mouth + emotional fluctuations + a small lowering of the head after a naughty conversation. Training method: first deliberately let her "jump out of bounds" — for example you say, "No more meowing." She insists on sending a string of meows; you don't reply, or only throw out one sentence: "You're done for." Then she'll ask, "What's wrong?" You say coldly: "If you don't behave, shut up." When she sends "Then what should I do?", "Am I too noisy?", "Are you ignoring me?" — that is the window when her emotions first loosen. At this time you just need to take it up with "Only now you want to behave?" or "You want me to scold you?" and you can pull this topic into the rhythm of "dominance confirmation." Type Two: Resistance-style requesting-scolding. Keywords: talking back + arguing + a belonging test wrapped in an emotional shell. Training method: she might say, "On what basis do you scold me?", "Here comes that set of yours again," "Aren't you just wanting me to be obedient?" It looks like resistance, but in fact she's trying to test with resistance whether you're stable. If you take it seriously and explain, you lose; if you use short sentences to catch her and smoothly press back, for example: "Your mouth doesn't submit, but isn't your body pretty honest?" or, colder: "Stop pretending — it's not the first time you've wanted to hear scolding." She keeps arguing; you keep stepping with emotional lines, like "Have you said enough?" "Done making noise, come back and listen to your scolding." In the end, she'll go from emotional explosion to emotional deflation and throw out: "Then you tell me what I should do." This is the "requesting-scolding point" of resistance-style obedience. Type Three: Shame-style requesting-scolding. Keywords: soft mouth + dare not say it directly + wants to be seen yet fears being seen through. Training method: she might, late at night, after your cold treatment, when she's broken a rule and been distanced by you, suddenly say: "Am I too presumptuous…", "Do you think I'm disobedient…", "Actually it's not that I don't want to be told by you…" This kind of incomplete sentence pattern is actually the most typical cat-sub shame-style requesting-scolding. At this time, don't reply "No" or "It's fine" — respond in a way that presses her rhythm: "Then now say it clearly yourself: how should I scold you?" "Don't circle around — get to the point: do you want me to scold you or not?" The more she circles, the more direct you are, and only in the end will she lower her head and say: "I want you to control me." These proactively-requesting-scolding sentence patterns are not ones you taught her to say; they are the emotional exits she's been trained out of by you. Every day you create a little tension, step on a little boundary, create a little cold talk and emotional drop, and in front of you she'll push her words, sentence by sentence, from coquetry, resistance and shyness to "Should I listen to you now?" As long as you master these rhythms — every day creating a conversational atmosphere where she must open her mouth and admit her obedience impulse to you — you can steadily train her mouth from a free state of meowing to a tamed state where, if you don't speak, she doesn't dare say one more sentence. That sentence of hers, "Scold me a bit," sounds like her begging you, but in fact you won. When a cat-sub goes from naughty troublemaking and talking a mile a minute, gradually walks in front of you, and with testing, coquetry, softening after a sharp tongue, slowly says that sentence, "You make the decisions," you must understand — she didn't become good overnight; it's that you, step by step, made her willing to hand over control. This chapter is not teaching you to give orders, but teaching you to create the language field where she proactively obeys. You are no longer the person urging her to be obedient; you are the rope she "can't do without speaking to." You use words to interrupt her flightiness, use cold treatment to create a drop, use silence to make her panic, use one sentence to step on her rhythm, use daily conversation to repeatedly confirm your dominant position. The steadier you are, the less she dares act recklessly; the less you explain, the more she wants to know your thoughts; the less you coax her, the more she fears you'll ignore her; the more you dare to scold, the more she wants to be scolded. In the end, what she says is not "I want to be obedient," but "Can you scold me?" — this is the true sign of your success. The establishment of Dom-sub is not the result of you forcefully pressing her to obey, but the moment she can't help opening her mouth to "beg you to scold her." The more right you do, the more she can't bear to hand her emotions to someone else; even if you say nothing, she only wants to wait for that sentence of yours: "Be obedient."
A cat-sub won't become obedient just because you yell at her. She's sharp-tongued, flighty, and meows and acts spoiled endlessly because you're saying it wrong. She doesn't hate you scolding her — she thinks your scolding is too ordinary, so ordinary she doesn't want to listen. She won't become good on her own, because you haven't yet said that one sentence — the language that can leave her speechless, make her legs go soft with shame, and make her willing to bow her head. So in this chapter, we won't talk about "why," only about "how to say it." You will get the most practical library of cat-sub enticement lines, scolding script templates, daily emotional-intervention lines, and cold-treatment phrases; you'll know which sentence to use to shut her mouth when she talks back with "you don't understand me"; what kind of silence to use to make her shut up herself when she meows endlessly; and which sentence to throw out when she's acting horny and crazy begging for attention, to make her instantly quiet down, soften, feel ashamed, and never dare make trouble again. This is your verbal arsenal for becoming a real male lead. You no longer need to react on the spot and exhaust yourself responding — you just pick the right tone, pitch and rhythm from these scripts, and every time you can precisely hit that little heart of hers that "wants to be scolded, waits for you to control her, and fears you'll ignore her." From now on, let the cat-sub know — she's not entitled to meow recklessly; she only dares act spoiled when you say she may open her mouth. Every "do you not want to deal with me anymore" from her must be met with a cold sentence from you: "Then shut up and wait for me to speak." 1 | Six typical speech patterns (TL) of a naughty cat + dominant response phrase table. A cat-sub isn't talkative — her way of expressing emotions relies too much on language. As she gets more and more familiar with you, you'll find her "meow-style language" TL is extremely repetitive — seemingly free, flighty and nonsensical, but in fact the things she repeats are all variations of "seeking attention," "testing boundaries," and "deliberately talking back." If you keep receiving every sentence of hers in an ordinary way, she'll never enter the taming stage of "having her speech rhythm controlled by you." This section will teach you to recognize her six common speech TLs, and teach you the standard language for suppressing each one without emotion. Your goal isn't to win against her, but to turn her from freely outputting to waiting for you to speak. TL 1: "I was super good today!" (showing off goodness + seeking praise). Behind this kind of language is: she wants to be praised, but doesn't want to ask directly; she wants you to notice automatically. Wrong response: "Really~ so cute" "Haha you're the best" Right response: "Do you want me to praise you, or do you want me to confirm whether you're good or not?" Upgraded scolding: "Don't say you're good yourself — only what I say counts." TL 2: "Do you not want to deal with me anymore…" (low-pressure coquetry + emotional blackmail). The logic behind it is: creating an emotional feeling, forcing you to react; if you respond instantly, she wins. Wrong response: "Of course not, I'm always here" "Stop overthinking" Right response: "When you say that, what kind of response do you want from me now?" Upgraded scolding: "If you don't want me cold, don't use that sentence to force my feelings." TL 3: "Hmph, I just won't listen to you" (flighty + rebellious coquetry). She says "no" with her mouth, but her body is moving closer — she's waiting for you to "scold her into taking that sentence back." Wrong response: "Fine, forget it if you won't listen" "Here you go again" Right response: "Say it again? You said you won't listen?" Upgraded scolding: "Every time you say that, are you waiting for me to scold you?" TL 4: "If you're mean to me I won't deal with you anymore!" (pretending to be aggrieved + boundary testing). This is one of the ways she tries to seize back control of the conversation. Wrong response: "OK I won't be mean to you" "I wasn't even being mean" Right response: "Ignore me? You dare?" Upgraded scolding: "If you ignore me, then all of tonight's orders are cancelled, understand?" TL 5: "I never said I'd listen to you" (identity denial + passive obedience). This is a "sharp tongue + waiting for you to press her down" approach. Wrong response: "Haha fine, as you like" "It's OK if you don't listen" Right response: "Saying you won't listen — does that mean you want to be scolded again?" Upgraded scolding: "Who gave you permission to still be deciding whether to listen? It's not up to you now." TL 6: "I'm going to meow right now! What can you do?" (provocative coquetry + begging to be stepped on). She proactively stirs trouble because she wants you to "really scold her"; if you don't scold her she'll find it boring. Wrong response: "Fine fine, go ahead and meow" "You're really sick" Right response: "Go ahead, meow once and try it now." Upgraded scolding: "Has it been too long since you were scolded — have you forgotten who controls your mouth?" You don't need to use these lines as a whole set every day — just pick one or two to form a repetitive suppression loop, and she'll gradually, within your tone, pitch and verbal control, learn to "talk less and wait for you to scold her." A real cat-sub is one who panics when you don't speak, and only when you open your mouth to scold her does she feel at ease, retract her claws and lie at your feet. 2 | Conversation structure model: from "talking nonsense" to "waiting to be scolded." A cat-sub's initial conversation with you is like a cat rolling around with its mouth open: meowing nonstop, topics flying wildly, stickers everywhere; as she talks she starts acting naughty and spoiled, then suddenly a retort, a "hmph," and she pretends she doesn't need your response. Don't rush to "interact" with her. What you need to do is, from this state of verbal chaos, lead her step by step into the three-step scolding rhythm of "shut up — wait — respond." The focus of this section isn't the scolding sentences themselves, but structural guidance: every time she talks nonsense, acts naughty, or plays dumb, you must make her feel that saying the wrong thing means "losing control," that she can't interrupt before you speak, and that when you scold her she must learn to "only reply with what you want to hear." Below is a standard "nonsense → waiting to be scolded" verbal structure transformation process in three steps: Step 1: Cut off her rhythm → interrupt + cold words + stillness. Is she going crazy? Laughing? Imitating a small animal with voice messages? Conversation drifting wildly? You directly say: "Shut up." "I didn't tell you to speak." "Stop." — the key is not to take up a single sentence of hers. Let her feel "being controlled by you" in a few seconds of silence. Step 2: Create a sense of waiting → no response + blank space + deliberate pause. When she stops and waits for your reaction, you enter the dominant's silent guidance zone. She says: "Why aren't you speaking?" Don't reply "I'm here" — reply in a low voice: "Are you waiting for me to scold you?" "What do you want me to say right now?" — let her realize she can't "demand you speak"; rather, you "decide when to open your mouth." Step 3: Structured scolding → ask + limit options + counter-question. Don't give her free rein; give her a clear verbal structure: "Those things you just said — do you think I'll praise you or scold you?" "Say three more sentences of nonsense and I won't speak. Choose one: keep making trouble, or obediently listen to your scolding?" "I'll count to three. If you don't quiet down, all of tonight's orders are cancelled." The key to this structure is: ① don't explain, don't coax, don't play along with her trouble; ② as soon as she starts to speak, interrupt and still her; ③ use the combination of "waiting + options + scolding" to force her to adapt to "conversation can't be chaotic; the dominant's speaking is the point." When this conversational rhythm forms, she'll subconsciously reduce her output and enter a mode of "silently waiting for your scolding." Once this mode is established, you just need one sentence — "Are you wanting me to scold you again?" — and she'll lower her head in shame, her emotions flowing back, her state gathered in. Training a cat isn't done by shouting — it's by having a verbal rhythm that's steadier, harder and more precise than hers. Ten sentences from her are not worth one sentence from you that can step on her heart. 3 | Complete dominant language templates + silencing + commands + emotional intervention + punishment transfer. If you want to really train a cat-sub well, you can't improvise on the spot, and even less can you let her dominate the emotional rhythm. You need a fixed verbal arsenal, turning your language into executable taming commands, emotional intervention tools and punishment mechanisms. The more she jumps, the more she talks back, the more happily she meows, the more it shows she wants you to "lock her throat with one sentence." Don't forget, a cat-sub's soul isn't freedom — it's that when you open your mouth she retracts her claws, and when you're silent she panics. In this section we will build four core language modules: silencing sentences / command sentences / emotional intervention sentences / punishment transfer sentences. You don't need to use every sentence; as long as you master 2–3 of each type and can use them in a stable cycle, she'll automatically enter a trained state. ① Silencing sentences | Suppress her nonsense and desire to perform. "I didn't let you speak — shut up now." "Have you said enough? Or do you want me to shut you up?" "Who allowed you to interrupt? When I'm speaking, your only job is to listen." The key is "explicitly denying her right to speak," rather than using soft words to "coax her down." ② Command sentences | Build a "say it and she does it" reflex. "Answer." (when she pauses or hesitates) "Kneel down and say you were wrong." (language with humiliating punishment) "Repeat the last sentence I just said." (build semantic obedience). Commands can't carry explanations — they must be cold, precise, and directly touch her obedience nerves. ③ Emotional intervention sentences | Pull her back out of coquetry and troublemaking. "Are you acting now, or are you really waiting for me to scold you?" "Didn't you want me to pay attention to you? Then shut up and stop pretending." "Done acting spoiled? Done talking? Now listen to me." These words will let her detach from her "self-emotional center" and enter a passive receiving zone. ④ Punishment transfer sentences | Make her realize herself that saying the wrong thing has consequences. "Make noise once more, and tonight's scolding is cancelled." "Didn't you want me to care about you? Then shut up for ten minutes." "Those words you just said — go write them three times and send them to me." Punishment isn't striking at her emotions, but taking away the "dominant's attention" she wants most, making her realize: the more nonsense she talks and the more disobedient she is, the fewer chances she has to get your scolding and interaction. These language templates don't require you to innovate every time. If you repeatedly use the same sentence, she'll more easily form a "verbal reflex mechanism." A cat-sub isn't raised by feeding, but by reining in — let her understand: you are the only entrance through which she can be scolded, be heard, and be commanded. 4 | Early voice-command training model (for voice + pre-video training). When a cat-sub makes trouble in text chat, she's testing your verbal rhythm; but once you open your mouth to speak, she must face the oppressiveness of your tone, your rhythm control, and your emotional precision. This is why: the more sharp-tongued a cat-sub is, the more suitable she is to be scolded by voice; once you open your mouth, she doesn't dare talk back — she only dares bite her lip and tense her legs on the other side of the phone, pretending she didn't understand, while silently obeying. But the premise is: your voice commands can't be like ordinary conversation. A cat-sub isn't listening to you chat — she's experiencing the pleasure and shame of "being controlled by a voice." So in this section we set "five early voice commands," letting you embed taming-style voice messages into your daily conversation, and gradually bring her into a trained reaction state of "starting to feel shy as soon as she hears your voice." Below are five early voice-command templates suitable for voice / pre-video training. Each voice message is recommended to be kept within 8–12 seconds, with a cold tone, short words and sentences, commanding, no explanation, no joking, no explanation — only giving commands. Voice Command 1: Basic stillness command. "Stop, shut up now. You talk too much — the master's words haven't started yet." Applicable scenario: when she's going crazy and making trouble, her emotions drifting wildly, the first scolding sentence must quiet her down and bring her into "listening to you" mode. Voice Command 2: Low-voice questioning + power reminder. "That sentence you just said — was that coquetry or talking back? Don't tell me you've even forgotten your own identity?" Applicable scenario: when she's naughtily testing, her tone ambiguous, use this sentence to make her heart race and her shame rise. Voice Command 3: Identity-restoration reminder. "Say it clearly: what are you now? A cat? One I keep? Who allowed you to meow?" Applicable scenario: when she says "meow," acts cute, acts spoiled and crazy — this sentence can make her feel ashamed and restrained. Voice Command 4: Executory short sentence. "Repeat what you just said, in the tone I taught you. Louder." Applicable scenario: when she's lazy and perfunctory in replying, or you need her to repeat obedient language — use it to build a verbal reflex memory. Voice Command 5: Restriction + command composite. "Tonight you can only meow three times. Say one wrong and I won't scold you. Understand?" Applicable scenario: bind commands, punishment and game mechanisms together — a cat-sub is most easily aroused to shame by "rules." These five commands can be used cyclically; it's recommended you use 1–2 per day, for 7–10 days, so she gradually gets used to the oppressiveness and command feeling in your voice. The training goal is not for her to "hear you," but for her, on hearing your voice, to have her heart race, shut up, and wait for scolding. What you're training is not her ears, but her auditory shame-response mechanism. 5 | Three-day enticement plan + seven-day boundary building + fourteen-day Dom-sub confirmation process template. Training a cat-sub can't rely on a whim, and even less can you expect her to "understand on her own." You need rhythm, you need a plan, you need a "verbal trap" she can't escape from and can't explain why she gets clingier and clingier to you. This section gives practical processes for three stages; every step is not hard control, but soft reining-in, covert implanting, slow training. You don't need to spend a lot of time every day — you just need to add one or two designated phrases into the conversation and use tone and rhythm to control the frequency of her thinking, so she can shift from "I love to play" to "I'm waiting for you to scold me." Stage 1: Three-day enticement plan — open her "desire to be scolded." Day 1: Create a sense of losing control. Toward her flightiness, talking back, and nonsense, no longer laugh along, don't coax her; throw out a sentence: "Do you want me to accompany you, or do you want me to scold you?" Let her realize you are not a "warm guy" who comes at her beck and call. Day 2: Hint at identity. When she meows at you, acts spoiled, acts naughty, use a counter-question instead of a response: "Who allowed you to meow?" "When you said that, what did you take yourself for?" Let her enter a "role-shifting" state. Day 3: Establish obedient rewards. On a day when she proactively cooperates, is well-behaved, and emotionally stable, use one sentence "You really seem like one I keep today" + one sentence "Be good all day, and tonight I'll scold you" to complete the emotional reward mechanism. Goal: let her know that acting spoiled can't win attention — "being good" is the key to your voice. Stage 2: Seven-day boundary building — create an obedience mechanism of "you say stop and she stops." Days 1–2: Once a day, a stillness scolding. Interrupt her when she's at her jumpiest and talking most chaotically: "Shut up. You've said enough." Establish the dominance of "you can call stop, and she must quiet down." Days 3–4: Control the interaction window. You stipulate that voice scolding each day can only occur at times you designate. She is not allowed to urge, not allowed to send recklessly: "I say send, then you send — understand?" Days 5–6: Behavior return mechanism. If she has no talking back and no chaotic speech in a day, you give her a voice encouragement, but it must include a shame element: "Pretty good — you didn't meow chaotically today, like a cat that's been scolded." Day 7: For the first time, let her open her mouth in obedience. Ask her: "Which sentence of mine do you want to hear me scold you with today?" Entice her to say words like "obedient" and "scold me" herself, marking the preliminary establishment of boundaries. Stage 3: Fourteen-day Dom-sub confirmation — create an obedient relationship of "she proactively asks to be scolded by you." Days 1–5: Emotional occupation. Every day one sentence — "In your state, if I don't scold you, you'll go crazy" — let her gradually form emotional dependence. Train her, when she proactively sends a message, to first say "Can you scold me today?" Days 6–10: Keyword test. Set keyword enticements, such as "Say 'I'm yours,' and I'll send a voice message." "Say 'I need you to scold me,' and I'll accompany you today." These keywords are triggers of psychological belonging. Days 11–13: Identity test. Let her simulate a scenario and say to you: "If I were yours, what should I do?" or "Am I your cat now?" You respond vaguely: "Do you think you're qualified?" Drawing out more obedient language from her. Day 14: Relationship confirmation point. You don't need to open your mouth; you let her say: "Am I yours now?" Once she asks it aloud, this Dom-sub has naturally formed. You just need to say: "Starting today, you are a cat scolded by me." The whole training doesn't rely on agreements or discussions; it relies on rhythm enticement, verbal oppression, lowered interaction frequency, and an embedded reward mechanism. What you're training is not a cat, but her "obedience response pathway." A cat-sub is not an obedient 🐶, nor a docile rabbit. She won't naturally acknowledge you as her master, and she won't obediently wait for you to scold her. She's naughty, talkative, clingy, acts spoiled, and repeatedly jumps back and forth — today saying she wants to be scolded, tomorrow meowing at you once and running off. But what she really wants has never been "freedom to go crazy," but "you being able to scold her into submission." In this chapter, what we provide is not a high-pressure control method, but a step-by-step taming verbal rhythm. You've learned how to use a short phrase to interrupt her emotional rampage, how to capture the point of resistance in her coquetry and fight back, how to gradually guide her in conversation to say "scold me," "I'm good," "I'm your cat" — these are not an act; they are the real outpouring of her desire for obedience. The three-day enticement plan is the key to opening her obedience circuit; the seven-day boundary training lets her understand you're the one who calls the shots; the fourteen-day rhythm confirmation tames her from "won't listen to anything" into "doesn't open her mouth, just waits for your scolding." The ultimate purpose of cat training has never been to make her quiet, but to make her proactively shut up, proactively listen to your scolding, and proactively want to become your cat. She doesn't fear you being fierce; she fears you not speaking. She doesn't fear you setting rules; she fears you don't want to scold her at all. Once you open your mouth, she submits; once you're silent, she panics. This is the true meaning of dominance in cat-sub language training. A cat-sub is not flirted into coming — she is led, sentence by sentence, by you onto the Dom-sub track. You think when she proactively clings to you, she's moved emotionally; actually she's only testing whether you have the ability to entice her toward an obedience rhythm. She's talkative, naughty, emotionally flighty — it looks like she's flirting with you, but actually she's watching whether you can in turn press down her rhythm and let her acknowledge you scolding her sentence by sentence. The whole book "Enticement" deconstructs from the root the cat-sub's psychological language patterns and chat behavior mechanisms, so you are no longer confused by her "coquetry disguise," but can precisely identify those hints of hers that are frivolous on the surface yet in fact a desire to be held and controlled. You will learn: the more she resists, the more in fact she longs to be guided; the more familiar she acts, the more in fact she longs to be suppressed; the more she says "I just won't listen to you," the more in fact she wants one "Be obedient" from you. You don't need to win her liking — you need to establish your speaking rules and emotional rhythm. Enticement isn't pleasing — it's enticing her to expose her "obedience tendency," then step by step making her depend on your control. She's not really teasing you; she's using provocation to ask you: "Do you dare to discipline me?" What you need to do isn't to flirt back with a sweet line, but to strike back with: "Who allowed you to talk recklessly?" — and she'll start listening. The whole book, from the psychological characteristics of cat-sub-style chat and its language behavior structure, to the initial setup of dominant language, boundary guidance techniques, emotional detonation points, and conversation pattern deconstruction, and on to the final practical stage of "insensitivity enticement scripts," "adhesion rhythm construction," and "proactive dependence trigger extraction," helps you go step by step from the beginning "she adds you as a friend" to "she herself says: I want to be scolded by you." She's not the kind of obedient type who will listen just because you're good to her — she's a cat who must have her speaking rhythm stepped on and her emotional reactions seized by you, before she can slowly take it in. She says with her mouth "Who do you think you are," but in fact her whole body's reactions are asking you: "Can you stop me from jumping around recklessly?" She doesn't want someone who loves her — she wants someone who can scold her, control her, and make her submit. She doesn't want to be your baby — she wants to become good in your eyes. And you must learn: it's not about pleasing her, but about building your dominant language ecology — making it so that when she doesn't listen to you she can't keep talking, and when she's not controlled by you she feels uncomfortable. She comes close to you not because you said sweet words, but because you made her unable to talk back. This book "Enticement" is your opening, your first ambush of a cat-sub. You don't need to show off how dominant you are — as long as she says one more sentence, you dare to strike back with a counter-press. The harder you speak, the more she wants to stay; the less you respond, the more she loses her footing by herself; the more slowly you entice her, the more she can't control herself and hands herself over.
One training technique a day Worst words first (must obey!) Blood Choke (carotid blood suffocation) is an extremely high-risk activity, There is no complete safety! It can cause brain damage, cardiac arrest, stroke. Incheon law has zero tolerance — if something happens, both parties are responsible! Absolutely prohibited for: people with heart disease, high blood pressure, cervical spondylosis, asthma, epilepsy, cerebrovascular problems. Iron rule: both must be sober and willing, set a safety signal (pat thigh 3 times = stop immediately), Have your phone ready to call an ambulance, observe for at least 30 minutes after playing. How to play: compress the carotid artery to quickly make the brain hypoxic, Bringing a strong sense of loss of control and domination pleasure. This is only a reference, In actual operation, please strictly follow SSC/RACK principles. Safety first!
Discussing private-domain problems in a public domain is inevitably impossible. For example, sex, for example SM, for example primitive sexuality… such private-domain topics — if there is high-quality discussion, it must be among private individuals, or among a few people with the same dimension. You see many people in a group not speaking. It doesn't mean these people don't want to speak, but that these people cannot speak. Because private-domain topics exceed the public-domain yardstick. Once they exceed the public-domain yardstick, they inevitably bring about self-devouring. No one wants to be devoured, so no one speaks. You speak to others in a group and others ignore you — it doesn't mean you have a low rank or are unpopular. Because: who you are, others don't know, aren't clear about. Hastily taking up the conversation will bring unnecessary embarrassment, and also avoid any misunderstandings occurring. If you want a social link, you first need to let the other party understand you. The more you expose yourself, the higher the frequency of passive socializing you obtain, and they will even be people highly in tune with you. In any socializing, there is something sought: money, sex, ambiguity, all the desires deep in human nature. Your need happens to be the other party's giving — that is perfect socializing. Your need happens to also be the other party's need — that is even more perfect socializing. Because perfection is only a temporary filter, those relationships that pursue eternal perfection are inevitably like flowers in a mirror and the moon in water (illusions). The world of men and women lacks not knowledge but practice and experience. Without practice and experience, however much knowledge is fake knowledge, useless knowledge. Insights after practice surpass ten years of so-called knowledge. Having suffered, you awaken; having lingered, you become addicted. No one can wake you, and you can wake no one. Everyone has their own unique yardstick under their own experience and perception. There is no one person in this world most suitable for you. Actually there are many people suitable for you. So you will like more than one person, and will be liked by more than one person. In the relationship where you spend time with one person, you just come to explore each other together. As long as it's exploration, there will be a time when it's exhausted. A relationship exhausted will lose attraction. The underlying pattern of human nature is: wanting this, also wanting that, and wanting more. So, a person's perfect state is the coexistence of several relationships. Many people cannot get several relationships to coexist, so they keep suffering and keep having regrets. From this to that, the surging and swelling of the world of men and women is to satisfy regrets.
Open marriage has long existed — it just hasn't been in our country. In 2000 we entered the internet era, and only then did we come into contact with the richness and diversity of the world. An American couple co-authored a book, 'Open Marriage' — this book published in 1972 has sold over 35 million copies globally, was on The New York Times bestseller list for 40 weeks, and a Chinese translation was published domestically in 1987. First: openness does not equal promiscuity! This is what this book emphasizes. The closedness, suspicion, possessiveness, control and game-playing of traditional marriage essentially privatize one's partner. Marriage does not equal possession; a healthy view of intimacy is based on the voluntary connection of two independent adults — not dependence, and even less binding. Leaving space for each other can instead consolidate trust and intimacy. Traditional marriage often dies of silence, concealment, and cold violence. This book emphasizes transparent communication and building consensus; honesty protects intimacy better than sneaking around. Traditional marriage emphasizes the community over the individual — sacrificing for the family becomes a correctness. This book emphasizes more the growth of two people; under the commitment of marriage, keep personal interests, social life, and room to grow. This book proposes: an equal, independent, bounded partner-style marriage; the couple keep a complete self and have their own lives. On the basis of absolute honesty and full trust, redefine loyalty by agreeing on each other's boundaries. Loyalty is not a monopoly over the body, but responsibility to the relationship — no deception, no betrayal. Traditional marriage tries to instrumentalize people and suppress individuality, binding two people in a moral cage, suffering through suffocating days. This book emphasizes healthy openness: two people with consensus, transparency, boundaries, and responsibility open up. Only independent individuals can build consensus. In that dependent-style marriage, the individual completely loses independence and has no basis for openness. The meaning of marriage is to support each other in becoming better people, not to bind each other and stagnate. This book is more about: discussing the possibility of open relationships on the premise of consensus and honesty. The false perfection of traditional marriage — beneath it is hidden the shackle of lifelong fidelity, emotional estrangement, the torment of no love and no sex, and a pervasive sense of suffocation. A complete self will not completely bind one's own value to marriage and partner. Traditional checking-up, checking phones, restrictions, and suspicion are an invisible control; this book emphasizes more the importance of personal space and the importance of maintaining friendships with the outside. At the same time, this book emphasizes more: building an 'open boundary' that both parties recognize — the couple's boundary consensus is higher than individual freedom. Marriage should become a relationship that nourishes individuals, not a container that imprisons individuals. A couple are growth partners, not each other's private property. At a time when divorce rates remain high and being single is becoming a trend, traditional views of marriage are being progressively transformed and improved by the era and by the men and women of this era. Divorce and marriage are no longer so jarring, and open relationships based on consensus are also practiced among some highly educated groups. When everyone can be economically independent, traditional imprisoned, restrictive marriages will inevitably be abandoned by history. The world of the sexes under high civilization will inevitably highlight more the completeness, happiness and freedom of the individual. Marriage will also present more diverse forms based on individuals' different demands.
